New faces, come say hello...

FurryFury said:

Well said.

When I came here it was just one of many sites I was using to research power exchange. I didn't buy the books because I was (for that matter I still am) very paranoid. I didn't want anyone to know I was looking into this. Now I have my own tiny kink publication library. I don't care as much what people think in general though it still could ruin my career.

Even so, I never had a problem with the many view points here. I found it refreshing to see them and sort through them but that's perhaps just the sort of person I am.

I value this community a great deal. I would never enter a community like this and state outright that it was suspicious, shady or not as good as another. That sort of attitude rankles because I truly appreciate the people here. I have found this place to be the most useful and responsive of all the sites I've searched.

Fury

Click to expand...

Would you also care to share your level of experience with us?

From what level of experience are you stating your case? Cyber, real time, munch goer, 24/7, etc. And by the way, I agree with everything you've said

smiles

And gives DVS his drum roll...

FurryFury said:

So for all the newbies here, you have found a place that you can come to read fiction or nonfiction as you wish, have discussions, learn and decide, state your POV, change your POV and restate it. You will find there is no one way to do things or an acid test of a "true" anything that applies to all.

You may find human beings, posers, people who cyber with no long term expectations, people in 24/7 D/s relationships, people in LD D/s relationships, people in vanilla relationships, pedantic martinets, predators and warm tolerant people here as well as many other types of people.

You can ask questions and someone, usually many someone's, will give you their opinions, perhaps even point you to links with more information. Lit may not be perfect but I've found it to be very useful to me personally and not a bit scary.

Welcome!

Fury

Click to expand...

Hey, you once told me I was scary. What gives? I guess you are what they call an online poser that targets unsuspecting inocent people and feeds them lots of fake praise. I've heard about people like you. They say sites like this are full of creeps. And here I thought we were friends.

Oh, before you take any of this seriously, please note the whisper in my sig line.

Oh, and just for fun...====>

DVS said:

Please disregard that last post.

Click to expand...

but you can still talk dirty to me any time you want, big boy (or is that little girl?)


I'm so confused, horny, but confused.....

Shankara20 said:

but you can still talk dirty to me any time you want, big boy (or is that little girl?)


I'm so confused, horny, but confused.....

Click to expand...

Can I trust you? I need to know I can trust you. Sites like this are FULL of people posing as someone else, you know. Those AVs of yours...who is that...really?

DVS said:

Can I trust you? I need to know I can trust you. Sites like this are FULL of people posing as someone else, you know. Those AVs of yours...who is that...really?

Click to expand...

photoshop each and everyone.....

Sir_Nathan said:

Would you also care to share your level of experience with us?

From what level of experience are you stating your case? Cyber, real time, munch goer, 24/7, etc. And by the way, I agree with everything you've said

smiles

And gives DVS his drum roll...

Click to expand...

I'm glad you do agree with everything I've said.

*smiles*

Does one level of experience "trump" another? That might make a good thread title and lead to some interesting discussion.

Would you care to share your level of experience with us as well? Something tells me it will be quite impressive.

As most of the regular people on this board are aware, I've had D/s fantasies and such at least since I was in fifth grade. All this may well even reside in my very DNA. I wouldn't be surprised. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else though for a while I thought it did make me "sick."

I consciously through cyber and role playing, was able to put a label on what it was, Power Exchange, D/s and BDSM that I was interested in. This surprised me and left me confused but being a former librarian, I researched the heck out of it and role played / cybered (with no expectation of taking this to real time) until I came to terms with it not being such a bad thing starting about two years ago.

Since that time I have researched an even greater ammount, tried things in RT with my husband (no we are not 24/7, yes this was new for us though we'd always been a bit "kinky") found a local munch to learn from, to also attend parties and demonstrations with, and I have written about D/s in many forms while I worked with myself and my husband on this journey. I guess you could say that I lived and breathed it obsessively for a while, as I tend to do things. This too doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else knowledge or otherwise IMO.

Now let's say someone else has 50 years of experiences in public and private venues, has written books about this and knows "everyone" in the BDSM world. Does that mean that my two years of experience give me any less voice than theirs? Some would say so.

Some would say that everyone has something to contribute regardless of having zero experience or being the most exalted Dom/me, sub or what have you in the known universe. I agree with this side, big surprise. Personally, I believe that everyone does have something to contribute.

The Dom/me who has never been in a public venue or part of the local scene but has only played with a partner at home is not, IMO, necessarily any better or worse than one who has.

It's often come up on this board that people with RT experience or whatever are "better." I don't agree. I think we are all just people with something to contribute. I think trying to make someone lesser so than another becomes more important due to less experience, online experience only or for any reason, is just knocking someone down to feed one's own or another's ego. I don't buy it.

One of the strengths of this board is that for the most part we don't do that, Now and then we have rough patches or threads that bring up these sorts of questions. What is a real Dom? What is a true sub? How can you say X, when you are only online experienced? I know better than you because hey, look at all I do, type of threads, yes they do come up.

Just because someone has RT experience or tons of experience doesn't make them better or smarter. In fact someone with a ton of experience might still be doing something wrong or simply be an ass, just as any person might be. We all have a voice. We all have the right to use it. Further we also have the right to judge the other posts on this board in terms of usefulness, amusement or whatever else we seek for ourselves without making it a flame war kind of thing.

This board works pretty damned well as a result. It is one of the most active and most accepting of boards I've found. It has a ton of great information. There are some wonderful and very colorful personalities here. I simply love this board and a great many of the people here.

(All of the above reflects only my opinion with the experience and knowledge I have so far accumulated. I'm not attempting to speak for anyone else. I can even change my mind later if I wish.)

DVS said:

Hey, you once told me I was scary. What gives? I guess you are what they call an online poser that targets unsuspecting inocent people and feeds them lots of fake praise. I've heard about people like you. They say sites like this are full of creeps. And here I thought we were friends.

Oh, before you take any of this seriously, please note the whisper in my sig line.

Oh, and just for fun...====>

Click to expand...

LMAO!

There is scary as in yeah, I'd like some of that. Then there is scary as in get the fuck away from me you freak! You are in my first category of scary, 'kay?

*chuckles*

(I'm sure there are other scary categories as well.)

Fury

Awesome

FurryFury said:

I'm glad you do agree with everything I've said.

*smiles*

Does one level of experience "trump" another? That might make a good thread title and lead to some interesting discussion.

Would you care to share your level of experience with us as well? Something tells me it will be quite impressive.

As most of the regular people on this board are aware, I've had D/s fantasies and such at least since I was in fifth grade. All this may well even reside in my very DNA. I wouldn't be surprised. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else though for a while I thought it did make me "sick."

I consciously through cyber and role playing, was able to put a label on what it was, Power Exchange, D/s and BDSM that I was interested in. This surprised me and left me confused but being a former librarian, I researched the heck out of it and role played / cybered (with no expectation of taking this to real time) until I came to terms with it not being such a bad thing starting about two years ago.

Since that time I have researched an even greater ammountl, tried things in RT with my husband (no we are not 24/7, yes this was new for us though we'd always been a bit "kinky") found a local munch to learn from, to also attend parties and demonstrations with, and I have written about D/s in many forms while I worked with myself and my husband on this journey. I guess you could say that I lived and breathed it obsessively for a while, as I tend to do things. This too doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else knowledge or otherwise IMO.

Now let's say someone else has 50 years of experiences in public and private venues, has written books about this and knows "everyone" in the BDSM world. Does that mean that my two years of experience give me any less voice than theirs? Some would say so.

Some would say that everyone has something to contribute regardless of having zero experience or being the most exalted Dom/me, sub or what have you in the known universe. I agree with this side, big surprise. Personally, I believe that everyone does have something to contribute.

The Dom/me who has never been in a public venue or part of the local scene but has only played with a partner at home is not, IMO, necessarily any better or worst than one who has.

It's often come up on this board that people with RT experience or more are "better." I don't agree. I think we are all just people with something to contribute. I think trying to make someone lesser so than another becomes more important due to less experience, online experience only or for any reason, is just knocking someone down to feed one's own or another's ego. I don't buy it.

One of the strengths of this board is that for the most part we don't do that, Now and then we have rough patches or threads that bring up these sorts of questions. What is a real Dom? What is a true sub? How can you say X, when you are only online experienced? I know better than you because hey, look at all I do, type of threads do come up.

Just because someone has RT experience or tons of experience doesn't make them better or smarter. In fact someone with a ton of experience might still be doing something wrong or simply be an ass, just as any person might be. We all have a voice and we all have the right to use it. Further we also have the right to judge the others posts on this board in terms of usefulness, amusement or whatever else we seek for ourselves without making it a flame war kind of thing.

This board works pretty damned well as a result. It is one of the most active and most accepting of boards I've found. It has a ton of great information. There are some wonderful and very colorful personalities here. I simply love this board and a great many of the people here.

(All of the above reflects only my opinion with the experience and knowledge I have so far accumulated. I'm not attempting to speak for anyone else. I can even change my mind later if I wish.)

Fury

Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing. I wasn't being confrontational. I was genuinely interested in 'where you were coming from'. I thought it would be okay to ask, since I'm new here. I thought other new people might also be interested. Again, thanks.

And my experience is hardly impressive. 11 years real time experience. First four or five very active in the community, less so these days as my health deteriorates.

Shankara20 said:

photoshop each and everyone.....

Click to expand...

So, what you're saying is...it's all smoke and mirrors? They sure look real to me (well, except the shower curtain one).

The smoke I could believe, but that's probably because you had the wires backwards again. Remember...electricity is your friend IF you remember these simple rules. Red to red and black to black. + connects to + and - connects to -. Do it the other way, and you'll see more than smoke.

Where I'm coming from...

I think it's great that there is a place people can come and chat and share knowledge and have a joke too. I also have a sense of humour and I'm just chuckling because I'm surprised that my comments have made such a kerfuffle.

I'm not here to judge anyone. If I didn't make that clear, I'd like to right now. I'm honoured that Fury chose to let me know a little about herself. It gives me an idea of who the person is that is claiming to know all about the boards and how they work and the do's and don'ts. Could I have investigated further by reading all the posts she has made previously and by reading the works she has written on various subjects? Sure. I probably will in due course.

When someone talks about 'how a singletail feels', I'd like to know if they have actually ever felt one. So that was why I asked where Fury was coming from. I do think people can contribute and give opinions without having tried something, ie. 'oh I wouldn't like that'. I do think people live lives that limit their participation or are of different types and personalities that will vary the breadth of experiences that they choose to indulge in. I think it's all great. It's great that people can bring up whatever they want and like DVS said, they'll get lots of different and valid opinions and they can choose what suits them best.

If anything is true, it's that everyone is welcome.

But if I haven't tried a vampire glove, then I wouldn't want someone with no experience telling me how to use it. So I guess what I'm getting at is, Fury is absolutely right about this: Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Everyone's opinion is of equal value no matter what their experience or inexperience.

But, 'when' the experience matters, then it should be okay to ask about it. Most of the time it won't. Especially when we are just amicably chatting about various things and (safe, sane and consensual) comments are being made etc etc. No one is going to get hurt chatting in a room like this. I didn't mean to imply that.

What I wanted to say was, no matter who you are talking to, be careful what you assume to be the truth, 'particularly' if you begin a relationship with that person. A newbie sub may not even KNOW she is 'allowed to have limits'. Some will find themselves here as the first place they visit at the very beginning of their journey.

That's why I jumped in with the *rolls eyes - sorry* 'lecture' on safety. Not that I saw anything particularly unsafe happening. I just saw the potential for it. That's why I mentioned it. There isn't a register where people have to verify who they are. And the name of this forum will no doubt draw newbies into it. It may also draw a bad element, for the same reason. For example, after a new person introduces themselves, is it normal practice for someone to immediately 'IM' them? I don't even know if that is happening or if there are guidelines about it that newbies could read.

I just want people to know they have the right to their own safety. If they get involved with someone from these boards, they have the right, if they wish, to ask that person to prove who they are. There are no 'unwritten rules' that tell them that they may not.

And I can assure you, if you find yourself tied up and blindfolded, and a 6' 5" 300 pound Dom is loosening his shoulder and whipping a cat through the air, then you are going to wish to hell you knew whether or not they knew what they were doing.

It's been mentioned a couple of times in passing, but this was the point of what I was saying. Safely, sanely and consensually is how we do things. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink is what we do. If what you are doing fits that criteria, then anything goes. Fury is right. Generally we don't say the word 'shouldn't'. As long as it's SSC. And that's where I'm coming from.

FurryFury said:

... In fact someone with a ton of experience might still be doing something wrong or simply be an ass, just as any person might be. We all have a voice and we all have the right to use it. Further we also have the right to judge the others posts on this board in terms of usefulness, amusement or whatever else we seek for ourselves without making it a flame war kind of thing.

Click to expand...

Preach on sister Fury, preach on!

There is scary as in yeah, I'd like some of that. Then there is scary as in get the fuck away from me you freak!

Click to expand...

Oooo! Can I be in the second category???

Sir_Nathan said:

Thank you for sharing. I wasn't being confrontational. I was genuinely interested in 'where you were coming from'. I thought it would be okay to ask, since I'm new here. I thought other new people might also be interested. Again, thanks.

And my experience is hardly impressive. 11 years real time experience. First four or five very active in the community, less so these days as my health deteriorates.

Click to expand...

Of course it's okay to ask. Frankly I'm envious of your experience. I don't mind saying so. I often wish I'd been more aware younger and begun the conscious journey much earlier, oh the things I could have already done! Now I sometimes worry about having the time to fit them in before my time is up.

I personally would never pretend knowledge that I don't have about vampire gloves, single tails or anything else but again this feeds into consider the source. If you are on the Internet or in the library at all you have to consider the sources of your information.

Even if someone does claim to be an expert, you (universal you,) have the right and responsibility to question and decide for yourself if what they are saying sounds or feels "right" to you, for you and how does it fit in with the other information on the subject you have found? Of course one can't save the world and there are always going to be people who blame Internet boards, rock music, video games and God knows what for their own stupid and/or criminal actions.

I don't know if it is SOP for newbies to be IM-ed by eager Dom/mes or vice versa. I do know I've gotten a shit load of IMs since joining from people wanting to cyber, Dom, sub or just be buds with me.

My particular opinion of cyber and online D/s relationships is perhaps different. For one thing I am not looking to take it into RL as I have a husband I adore. I don't honestly care if I'm talking to a woman or a man, someone who has 150 subs or not, as long as I get what I want out of it. That is likely not the normal POV. I would never ask for references because I am damned well not willing to provide them myself. I won't ask for what I won't willingly give up. OTOH if they want to give me something that I won't give I may or may not accept it.

I do know that there are many who say they are Doms and who don't seem to have my idea of what D/s is much less the ability to type well, some of which want to be paid. *L* I do know that people's hearts can be somewhat broken from online contact but unless they do something fairly stupid, they can't be physically hurt.

If the Dom says do this and the newbie thinks, um, no I think that would scar me, I don't want a scar, hey, they can say no. Or if a picture is requested and like me, you have a job that could be gone if you do that, they can say no. I personally find that reassuring.

So yes, play safe newbies unless like some here you refuse to and have made that considered choice. Be careful, take care of yourselves and feel free to ask questions or tell a joke. This really doesn't have to be a scary place. It can be a terribly exciting one though.

Evil_Geoff said:

Preach on sister Fury, preach on!


Oooo! Can I be in the second category???

Click to expand...

Can I hear an amen brother Geoff?

*G*

You would want to be in the second category wouldn't you.

*narrows eyes*

I'm sure you could make it there but to tell the absolute truth I would MUCH rather keep you in my first category.

*smiles looking eager and oh so innocent*

Yeah that's right, looks innocent. I'm good at that. Do NOT laugh! I'm serious now. *grr*

Fury

FurryFury said:

Of course it's okay to ask. Frankly I'm envious of your experience. I don't mind saying so. I often wish I'd been more aware younger and begun the conscious journey much earlier, oh the things I could have already done! Now I sometimes worry about having the time to fit them in before my time is up.

I personally would never pretend knowledge that I don't have about vampire gloves, single tails or anything else but again this feeds into consider the source. If you are on the Internet or in the library at all you have to consider the sources of your information.

Even if someone does claim to be an expert, you (universal you,) have the right and responsibility to question and decide for yourself if what they are saying sounds or feels "right" to you, for you and how does it fit in with the other information on the subject you have found? Of course one can't save the world and there are always going to be people who blame Internet boards, rock music, video games and God knows what for their own stupid and/or criminal actions.

I don't know if it is SOP for newbies to be IM-ed by eager Dom/mes or vice versa. I do know I've gotten a shit load of IMs since joining from people wanting to cyber, Dom, sub or just be buds with me.

My particular opinion of cyber and online D/s relationships is perhaps different. For one thing I am not looking to take it into RL as I have a husband I adore. I don't honestly care if I'm talking to a woman or a man, someone who has 150 subs or not, as long as I get what I want out of it. That is likely not the normal POV. I would never ask for references because I am damned well not willing to provide them myself. I won't ask for what I won't willingly give up. OTOH if they want to give me something that I won't give I may or may not accept it.

I do know that there are many who say they are Doms and who don't seem to have my idea of what D/s is much less the ability to type well, some of which want to be paid. *L* I do know that people's hearts can be somewhat broken from online contact but unless they do something fairly stupid, they can't be physically hurt.

If the Dom says do this and the newbie thinks, um, no I think that would scar me, I don't want a scar, hey, they can say no. Or if a picture is requested and like me, you have a job that could be gone if you do that, they can say no. I personally find that reassuring.

So yes, play safe newbies unless like some here you refuse to and have made that considered choice. Be careful, take care of yourselves and feel free to ask questions or tell a joke. This really doesn't have to be a scary place. It can be a terribly exciting one though.

Fury

Click to expand...

I'll give you that 'amen'.

Sir_Nathan said:

I'll give you that 'amen'.

Click to expand...

Aww!

Thank you Brother Nathan!

*smiles*

Fury

FurryFury said:

Aww!

Thank you Brother Nathan!

*smiles*

Fury

Click to expand...

My pleasure.

DVS said:

So, what you're saying is...it's all smoke and mirrors? They sure look real to me (well, except the shower curtain one).

The smoke I could believe, but that's probably because you had the wires backwards again. Remember...electricity is your friend IF you remember these simple rules. Red to red and black to black. + connects to + and - connects to -. Do it the other way, and you'll see more than smoke.

Click to expand...

let me see if I got this correct - red up my ass & black in my cock = zap zap fun right?

now, which nob makes it go zap zap faster?

First, hello to all the most recent newcomers. I think that you will find this board full of welcoming and caring folk.

Sir_Nathan said:

I made my original comment on this matter in response to someone mentioning that they were (I'm paraphrasing here) 'interested in finding out if they were interested in the first place'. I still maintain that this is not the 'best' place to do that. If you must remain 'online' because of your circumstances or because of fear, then it's probably 'best' to check out some of the generic sites I mentioned, then contribute here and find friends.

Of course the 'absolute best' way to find out is to get involved in the scene real time. Attend a munch. Contact a support group. Actually talk to someone face to face. It's not as scary as you think. No one will accost you. You will be welcomed warmly, particularly if you are inexperienced.

Click to expand...

Thank you for beginning such an interesting discussion. I also think that your comments about safety are well-taken as well as applicable to the rest of the cyber-dating world. I want to comment on what you said about reading other works first before coming here to make a decision as to one's own kink. While books are important, and there is nothing to compare to "realtime" experience, I think that Lit is the perfect place to explore this question.

I have known of my kinky wiring for years - had friends in the lifestyle for almost as long as I've been out as lesbian/bi/queer (came out at age 17), but am a relative newcomer to formal BD, D/s, S/m, etc. Therefore my perspective might be a little different from others who are also very new. I don't know.

While I've played with kinky sex for a long time, I didn't pursue BDSM formally until recently because I'd been in two long-term relationships; could not have done so in either. When I decided to truly "jump in," I began reading (along with a number of books, the library on this board was very helpful), taking classes and talking to friends in the lifestye. I also started to attract partners who had the same interests, finally ended up with my current BDSM "friend" who like me is bi and versatile (switch).

This is one of the most fascinating personal journeys I've ever taken and the chance to compare and contrast my own experiences with those of others through the written word is proving invaluable. What I get here that I can't get anywhere else is a chance to reflect in writing on what my involvement in kink means to me and to understand through writing what it means to others in all of our communities' diversity and to do so with others who in the main very kind, intelligent, and self-aware. (Let's face it, like attracts like in person and most of my non-cyber friends have perspectives that are similar to mine so the diversity of opinion here feels luxurious.)

Writing provides for a thoughtful exchange of a type and depth that I don't think I could find anywhere else, even among "non-cyber" friends. The only other place I've experienced something comparable was with a very small group of women during a weekend intensive for dominant/switch women, one where the emphasis wasn't just on the mechanics of play, but on its spiritual, emotional and psychological aspects.

So even if newbies have read up on the "facts," I would recommend Lit as a safe place for people to determine if BDSM is or isn't for them. It may be the perfect place to get ready for the "realtime" challenge.

With great respect to you and with gratitude to the Lit BDSM community,
Neon

neonflux said:

First, hello to all the most recent newcomers. I think that you will find this board full of welcoming and caring folk.
Thank you for beginning such an interesting discussion. I also think that your comments about safety are well-taken as well as applicable to the rest of the cyber-dating world. I want to comment on what you said about reading other works first before coming here to make a decision as to one's own kink. While books are important, and there is nothing to compare to "realtime" experience, I think that Lit is the perfect place to explore this question.

I have known of my kinky wiring for years - had friends in the lifestyle for almost as long as I've been out as lesbian/bi/queer (came out at age 17), but am a relative newcomer to formal BD, D/s, S/m, etc. Therefore my perspective might be a little different from others who are also very new. I don't know.

While I've played with kinky sex for a long time, I didn't pursue BDSM formally until recently because I'd been in two long-term relationships; could not have done so in either. When I decided to truly "jump in," I began reading (along with a number of books, the library on this board was very helpful), taking classes and talking to friends in the lifestye. I also started to attract partners who had the same interests, finally ended up with my current BDSM "friend" who like me is bi and versatile (switch).

This is one of the most fascinating personal journeys I've ever taken and the chance to compare and contrast my own experiences with those of others through the written word is proving invaluable. What I get here that I can't get anywhere else is a chance to reflect in writing on what my involvement in kink means to me and to understand through writing what it means to others in all of our communities' diversity and to do so with others who in the main very kind, intelligent, and self-aware. (Let's face it, like attracts like in person and most of my non-cyber friends have perspectives that are similar to mine so the diversity of opinion here feels luxurious.)

Writing provides for a thoughtful exchange of a type and depth that I don't think I could find anywhere else, even among "non-cyber" friends. The only other place I've experienced something comparable was with a very small group of women during a weekend intensive for dominant/switch women, one where the emphasis wasn't just on the mechanics of play, but on its spiritual, emotional and psychological aspects.

So even if newbies have read up on the "facts," I would recommend Lit as a safe place for people to determine if BDSM is or isn't for them. It may be the perfect place to get ready for the "realtime" challenge.

With great respect to you and with gratitude to the Lit BDSM community,
Neon

Click to expand...

Well said. And point taken.

peeks in waving about, hellooo everyone.

petbecs82 said:

peeks in waving about, hellooo everyone.

Click to expand...

Hello petbecs82.

Sir_Nathan said:

Hello petbecs82.

Click to expand...

smiles, and hello to you, how are you tonight?

petbecs82 said:

smiles, and hello to you, how are you tonight?

Click to expand...

Pretty well. Thank you for asking. Just waiting for my girl to get home so I can show her all the things I bought today. Had a bit of a splurge. TV, stereo and clothes dryer. She's been waiting a while. I can't wait to see her reaction lol.

I hope you're doing well too.

Sir_Nathan said:

Pretty well. Thank you for asking. Just waiting for my girl to get home so I can show her all the things I bought today. Had a bit of a splurge. TV, stereo and clothes dryer. She's been waiting a while. I can't wait to see her reaction lol.

I hope you're doing well too.

Click to expand...

aweeeeee thats so cute. did you get the ones she wanted? i'm doing well just hangin out in bed.

petbecs82 said:

aweeeeee thats so cute. did you get the ones she wanted? i'm doing well just hangin out in bed.

Click to expand...

chuckles

It appears I did good. She's squealing and clapping and saying 'omg' a lot.

:-D

Sir_Nathan said:

chuckles

It appears I did good. She's squealing and clapping and saying 'omg' a lot.

:-D

Click to expand...

awe yay good job!!!!!

petbecs82 said:

awe yay good job!!!!!

Click to expand...

Thanks.

Nothing warms my heart like my girl's smile.