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Let's Talk About 'Gentle' FemDom

Wild_Honey_66 said:
ogg! :)

***********

'State of mind' - yes. I feel like a broken record, but I don't look like any of those women in the FemDom Tumblr pics, and I'm sure as fuck not about to change my personal style for someone else's idea of what a Domme ought to look like. Please. :rolleyes:

My closet is filled with maxi dresses, long skirts, lacy tanks, quirky tees, and pretty little blouses. And sandals. No mini skirts, no leather corsets, no thigh-high boots. And do you want to know what I wear in the bedroom? Nothing. That's right, I like to be naked when I'm having sex. Which isn't to say that I'd be unwilling to dress up for a partner, only that my wardrobe is a reflection of my taste in clothing, not my kink, and i don't need to wear black anything to dominate a man.

In fact, I kind of like the juxtaposition of bossing someone around while not 'looking the part.' ;)
Click to expand...

I like this, intamicy in any for is ultimately about being yourself. It is a shame that rhis is not more accepted
 
"Gentle Fem Domme"

That sounds like just the kind of relationship I'm looking for. I tend to be submissive, but I'm not a doormat and I don't like to be abused. But I do like it when a woman makes the first move, or doesn't wait around for me to call , and is willing to make the plans for the evening.

I think my ideal relationship would also be an open relationship - where the woman can have sex with other men. I know I'm not very good in bed and its actually pressure off of me if I don't have be relied on the satisfy her sexually ... I would certainly try, but like I said, I know I have problems in bed, but I also have fantasies about licking her after she's been with another man or even sucking another mans cock while she watches to make his cock hard for her, and lick her after.
 
I'm busy just now, but wanted to drop off a thought that has been working it's way to the front of the line for a few days.

I saw something the other night that reminded me of an important truth that I think we who are limited to exploring our kink online can easily forget, and perhaps for others as well: power exchange doesn't have to be extreme to be powerful.
 
Wild_Honey_66 said:
I'm busy just now, but wanted to drop off a thought that has been working it's way to the front of the line for a few days.

I saw something the other night that reminded me of an important truth that I think we who are limited to exploring our kink online can easily forget, and perhaps for others as well: power exchange doesn't have to be extreme to be powerful.
Click to expand...

Hi Honey!! :rose:

Certainly those extreme moments can provide intensity, can be cathartic and offer up boundary pushing moments. That being said, for me, the subtle, quiet moments are even more intense. Easier to sustain, often unexpected. I recently said this about my husband... through him I learned there is strength in being quiet and gentle.
 
cookiecat said:
Hi Honey!! :rose:

Certainly those extreme moments can provide intensity, can be cathartic and offer up boundary pushing moments. That being said, for me, the subtle, quiet moments are even more intense. Easier to sustain, often unexpected. I recently said this about my husband... through him I learned there is strength in being quiet and gentle.
Click to expand...

Cookie!! 💗💗💗

I love hearing from people who have experience IRL. Thank you for sharing, as always.

I think that's the kind of Domme I am -quiet and gentle- or would hope to be if I got the chance to try it on for size. :)
 
Online or face to face, both have merit and both provide insanely intense feelings. As much as I enjoy hands on and visceral reaction, there's something special about that cerebral connection.
 
cookiecat said:
As much as I enjoy hands on and visceral reaction, there's something special about that cerebral connection.
Click to expand...

I, for one, am a big fan of forging a cerebral connection as a dominant, whether online or face to face. The results are amplified, more direct and precise...like a shot to the jugular.

A solid cerebral connection, for me, eliminates the need for the kind "fishwife" antics seen in stereotypical femdom porn.

There is power in a whisper when the intent, behind the breath and words chosen, is spoken directly to the core of a submissive's mind and the root of his/her desires.

I learned early that an acceptable way to wield power as a woman was through intelligence—whether that be emotional, academic, or common sense. I continue to do so as a part of my style of dominance which is more subtle, perhaps, but no less exacting.

I might use humor, seduction, logic, persuasion, shame, fear, coquetry, or any other mental approach necessary to entice a submissive to yield in the manner they crave. However, my approach varies depending on the submissive, our defined limits, and our chemistry.

Yes, the physical aspects of domination are a huge component. However, each submissive is different. Each has his or her own mental "safe combination" that a dominant is tasked with unlocking. I get satisfaction and the best results through use of a good ear and dexterity as opposed to a stick of dynamite. But, that's just me.
 
I've been in an almost 10 month relationship (knew him for 3 years before we got together though), and we kind of established a gentle femdom relationship a week after we started dating. And I think it was incredibly easy just because of who we are as people. He's very passive, and I'm more aggressive... Socially and sexually. If things work out in the long term, we've discussed him being a house husband and having a part time job while I work full time. And that's what both of us prefer. The reverse of traditional gender roles just kind of translated to the bedroom.

He was shy when we started off dating. He wanted to do things, he was just skittish on initiating them. He is the stereotype of the religious repressed sexuality, and as soon as I gave him an inch of rope into the deep end he found the bondage section of the pool and never left. Which was equal parts awesome and hilarious. There's nothing too extreme, we just do a lot of it. Tying him up, using blindfolds, spanking... Also chest play on both of our ends. I just recently got him to call me 'momma' when he's sucking on my chest (he's six years older than me and six inches taller, having him call me that does phenomenal things). After I get some health issues cleared up we're going to try inducing lactation... For no other reason than we both think it's incredibly hot.

Any differences with stereotypical femdom and gentle don't mean a whole lot in my case, thank gracious. I'm just taking care of my darling, and I love doing it. If taking care of him meant stepping on his balls and calling him a whore, honestly I'm not sure if I'd take to it. Fortunately, neither of us are geared that way. I'd much rather stroke his hair and wrap him in blankets. And he prefers that, too.

I wear t-shirts and shorts, so... I'm not sure if I fit a visual stereotype of dominant females, but that's my uniform. I guess I'm bulky? 5'9". My hips and my knees are huge. I was built for manual labor, which works out just fine when it's time to do some overpowering. We hope to get out of it what couples would normally get out of a regular relationship. Years of being cozy and lots of sex with a partner that fits you perfectly.

I have a lot more stories if anyone is curious. Sexually speaking, these 10 months have been packed full. :heart:
 
cookiecat said:
Hi Honey!! :rose:

Certainly those extreme moments can provide intensity, can be cathartic and offer up boundary pushing moments. That being said, for me, the subtle, quiet moments are even more intense. Easier to sustain, often unexpected. I recently said this about my husband... through him I learned there is strength in being quiet and gentle.
Click to expand...

I see what you mean Honey ... Cookie, we were just talking about this on my thread too. And it amounted to the same notion, that being in control doesn't have be all 'rah rah rah I'm so Domly' all the time.
 
Beatrix_B said:
I, for one, am a big fan of forging a cerebral connection as a dominant, whether online or face to face. The results are amplified, more direct and precise...like a shot to the jugular.

A solid cerebral connection, for me, eliminates the need for the kind "fishwife" antics seen in stereotypical femdom porn.

There is power in a whisper when the intent, behind the breath and words chosen, is spoken directly to the core of a submissive's mind and the root of his/her desires.

I learned early that an acceptable way to wield power as a woman was through intelligence—whether that be emotional, academic, or common sense. I continue to do so as a part of my style of dominance which is more subtle, perhaps, but no less exacting.

I might use humor, seduction, logic, persuasion, shame, fear, coquetry, or any other mental approach necessary to entice a submissive to yield in the manner they crave. However, my approach varies depending on the submissive, our defined limits, and our chemistry.

Yes, the physical aspects of domination are a huge component. However, each submissive is different. Each has his or her own mental "safe combination" that a dominant is tasked with unlocking. I get satisfaction and the best results through use of a good ear and dexterity as opposed to a stick of dynamite. But, that's just me.
Click to expand...


Anyone who uses "fishwife" and coquetry in the same post gets a :nana: in my book!

I did find this comment interesting:

I might use humor, seduction, logic, persuasion, shame, fear, coquetry, or any other mental approach necessary to entice a submissive to yield in the manner they crave.
Click to expand...

'they' being the operative word -- I would've thought you'd say entice a submissive to yield in the manner YOU crave. I realize it's a combo platter. You both have to get needs met or you're just a service Top. The fact, though, you are keeping the way in which your submissive wishes to please top of mind, is a good point to make.

Holy cats though -- those lips. I could barely get through the post - I was too distracted! :kiss:
 
Sundia said:
I've been in an almost 10 month relationship (knew him for 3 years before we got together though), and we kind of established a gentle femdom relationship a week after we started dating. And I think it was incredibly easy just because of who we are as people. He's very passive, and I'm more aggressive... Socially and sexually. If things work out in the long term, we've discussed him being a house husband and having a part time job while I work full time. And that's what both of us prefer. The reverse of traditional gender roles just kind of translated to the bedroom.

He was shy when we started off dating. He wanted to do things, he was just skittish on initiating them. He is the stereotype of the religious repressed sexuality, and as soon as I gave him an inch of rope into the deep end he found the bondage section of the pool and never left. Which was equal parts awesome and hilarious. There's nothing too extreme, we just do a lot of it. Tying him up, using blindfolds, spanking... Also chest play on both of our ends. I just recently got him to call me 'momma' when he's sucking on my chest (he's six years older than me and six inches taller, having him call me that does phenomenal things). After I get some health issues cleared up we're going to try inducing lactation... For no other reason than we both think it's incredibly hot.

Any differences with stereotypical femdom and gentle don't mean a whole lot in my case, thank gracious. I'm just taking care of my darling, and I love doing it. If taking care of him meant stepping on his balls and calling him a whore, honestly I'm not sure if I'd take to it. Fortunately, neither of us are geared that way. I'd much rather stroke his hair and wrap him in blankets. And he prefers that, too.

I wear t-shirts and shorts, so... I'm not sure if I fit a visual stereotype of dominant females, but that's my uniform. I guess I'm bulky? 5'9". My hips and my knees are huge. I was built for manual labor, which works out just fine when it's time to do some overpowering. We hope to get out of it what couples would normally get out of a regular relationship. Years of being cozy and lots of sex with a partner that fits you perfectly.

I have a lot more stories if anyone is curious. Sexually speaking, these 10 months have been packed full. :heart:
Click to expand...


"I'm just taking care of my darling, and I love doing it."

That's awesome. What a great relationship you've discovered! It sounds really hot. I like that you both seem really open about exploring without getting to hung up on a million other things. Hope you'll have more to share when questions about FemDomme stuff comes up.

:rose:
 
KimGordon67 said:
I see what you mean Honey ... Cookie, we were just talking about this on my thread too. And it amounted to the same notion, that being in control doesn't have be all 'rah rah rah I'm so Domly' all the time.
Click to expand...


*runs to check out your thread*

is that the poly one??
 
cookiecat said:
'they' being the operative word -- I would've thought you'd say entice a submissive to yield in the manner YOU crave. I realize it's a combo platter. You both have to get needs met or you're just a service Top. The fact, though, you are keeping the way in which your submissive wishes to please top of mind, is a good point to make.
:
Click to expand...

Without a willing sub, a Domme has no one to control. If a Domme has gone through all the time and trouble to find and train a submissive who is the "yin to her yang," it's only smart that said Domme would take all the necessary steps to ensure that she is fulfilling her sub's needs while ordering him to fulfills hers. Dominance/submission is supposed to be a mutualistic relationship, after all.

And thanks for the compliment, btw! 💋
 
cookiecat said:
"I'm just taking care of my darling, and I love doing it."

That's awesome. What a great relationship you've discovered! It sounds really hot. I like that you both seem really open about exploring without getting to hung up on a million other things. Hope you'll have more to share when questions about FemDomme stuff comes up.

:rose:
Click to expand...

We're still dicking around, in pretty much every sense of the word. Recently brought in the collar and the leash. We've talked about it a lot, but have just now started to really get into it. Been subbing in neck ties, but it's about time to get him a proper collar. You know. Something he'll be proud to wear.

Here's a question for everyone: I know that sometimes submissive women will wear chokers in public as an act of 'ownership' to their doms/sirs/masters/etc... Some guys do this, too, but my boyfriend isn't really a jewelry person. And I can't blame him, I'm not either. I've been giving him hickies as a mark of ownership, but I can't really do that every day or his neck is going to look like leather by next year.

Has anyone experimented with giving sub males different marks of ownership? If so, what are they? Also, where can I get them? :eek: Lots of thanks
 
Sundia said:
We're still dicking around, in pretty much every sense of the word. Recently brought in the collar and the leash. We've talked about it a lot, but have just now started to really get into it. Been subbing in neck ties, but it's about time to get him a proper collar. You know. Something he'll be proud to wear.

Here's a question for everyone: I know that sometimes submissive women will wear chokers in public as an act of 'ownership' to their doms/sirs/masters/etc... Some guys do this, too, but my boyfriend isn't really a jewelry person. And I can't blame him, I'm not either. I've been giving him hickies as a mark of ownership, but I can't really do that every day or his neck is going to look like leather by next year.

Has anyone experimented with giving sub males different marks of ownership? If so, what are they? Also, where can I get them? :eek: Lots of thanks
Click to expand...

I've always been keen on a small tattoo but I can see why most would not go for that. As someone whom is heavily tatted its not really the biggest deal to me. That being said I'm not talking about a big property of tat or anything like that. It can be something small and simple. A small picture of something only the 2 of you will understand.

I've also thought a ring would work great, not an engagement ring or the like but a small ring pledging oneself, kinda like a promise ring.

I'm also the least qualified to give this response so feel free to laugh at me :):)
 
Wild_Honey_66 said:
I'm busy just now, but wanted to drop off a thought that has been working it's way to the front of the line for a few days.

I saw something the other night that reminded me of an important truth that I think we who are limited to exploring our kink online can easily forget, and perhaps for others as well: power exchange doesn't have to be extreme to be powerful.
Click to expand...

In fact, I think power exchange that is subtle is more powerful. Of course I'll do what you want if you have me tied up and whatnot. But I'd rather lower my eyes just because you give me a sharp glance of disapproval.

Glad to find this thread. I'm turned on by the idea of being submissive to a woman but the stereotypical whip-wielding Domme doesn't do it for me. Or rather, I'd enjoy being tied and spanked and all that, but it would be more to test my physical limits than because it was sensual or erotic. Don't know if that makes sense.
 
Cabeza said:
In fact, I think power exchange that is subtle is more powerful. Of course I'll do what you want if you have me tied up and whatnot. But I'd rather lower my eyes just because you give me a sharp glance of disapproval.

Glad to find this thread. I'm turned on by the idea of being submissive to a woman but the stereotypical whip-wielding Domme doesn't do it for me. Or rather, I'd enjoy being tied and spanked and all that, but it would be more to test my physical limits than because it was sensual or erotic. Don't know if that makes sense.
Click to expand...

Hi Cabeza! Glad you found us, too. :)
 
Wild_Honey_66 said:
It's been a bit!

I laughed at your 'sharp glance of disapproval.' I'm so gentle that I'm more likely to give you a mournful look of disappointment. :D
Click to expand...

Oh that's even worse! (Which means better!) I'd never want to disappoint you!
 
I like submission that ranges in its intensity, but do agree that way too much time is given to the vaguely cartoonish images of domination over more subtle types.
 
Cabeza said:
Oh that's even worse! (Which means better!) I'd never want to disappoint you!
Click to expand...

Well then make sure it doesn't happen again! :D
Tell me how sorry you are (puppy dog eyes are helpful here), and you will be promptly forgiven and gathered up to my bosom.

You're welcome. ;)

whenagain said:
I like submission that ranges in its intensity, but do agree that way too much time is given to the vaguely cartoonish images of domination over more subtle types.
Click to expand...

It's nice to hear this. Very affirming, thank you. :)


Another thread that may be of interest. I get a kick out of personality quizzes, so I thought these were fun to look at.
FYI, you'll need an account at FetLife to access the links on the thread.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1461823
 
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