Do sadists love?

I want to ask sadistic people here (preferably females) because Im a submissive male;

My story is I have been in a BDSM relation with my mistress for almost 2 years now shes older than me and shes married as well..I know this is wrong but she told me she tried to have this relation with her husband but hes simply not to it and she cant live without a submissive in her life.

The bad part is yet to come...in the past 3 months I started to have feelings for her.. Our BDSM relation started to grow more and more and the sessions became so passionate..and I became more submissive for her and I can feel she s excited about the sessions more than before.....''I fell in love for her".

Although I never been out with her to public places ( we only meet to make a session) but I daydream about her all the day, and I want to be with her all the time..I cant stop thinking about her ..my life is a misery.

I never told her that I love her because Im afraid of rejection besides shes a married lady...I only told her that I have feelings for her and she has special place in my heart but she only says you are born to serve me.

Shes very misterious lady..she doesnt express her feelings towrds me but despite that Im sure she has feelings for me but maybe she thinks she will lose her power if she reveals her emotions to me? Or maybe she likes to torture me emotionally as well??

I really wish to know how the sadisitc mind works? I mean she enjoys humilating me and giving me pain and enjoys when I worship her and spesifically her feet. She addresses me as her slave and her possession all the time. So is it possible for a woman like this to be in love with me?

Do you guys advice me to tell her that I love her? Or you think this will affect the BDSM relationship AND her marrige ?

This has nothing to do with her sadism. It has everything to do with her wanting to have her cake and eat it, too.

Farawyn said:

This has nothing to do with her sadism. It has everything to do with her wanting to have her cake and eat it, too.

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I'm inclined to agree with Farawyn. Her story isn't unsual i think, but it's hard to tell sometimes what is going on in a sadist's head.

In my opinion people are people, and sadists are people too. Without knowing your Domme, I have no idea what her capacity to love is. As you know, some people are more able to compartmentalize their kink needs from their emotional attachments than others. However, 2 years is a rather long time, and I would suspect that she has in fact developed feelings for you. Whether of not she is able or inclined to admit that is another issue altogether. Also, the fact that she is married to someone else is a complicating factor which has little or nothing to do with the fact that she is a sadist and having an extra-marital affair with you. Again... she may not be able or willing to say that she has developed "love" feelings for you because to do so could very well compromise how she is able to maintain her marriage.

On a side note, and there will be those who take issue with this, I subscribe to the magic penny theory of love. Love is not a limited commodity. As a very wise person patiently explained to me when I was young and trying to sort out relationships, that a person CAN be in love with more than one person at a time.

Farawyn said:

This has nothing to do with her sadism. It has everything to do with her wanting to have her cake and eat it, too.

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I'm not so sure. I'm convinced that there are just as many people who are emotional sadists and masochists as there are physical ones.

cascadiabound said:

In my opinion people are people, and sadists are people too. Without knowing your Domme, I have no idea what her capacity to love is. As you know, some people are more able to compartmentalize their kink needs from their emotional attachments than others. However, 2 years is a rather long time, and I would suspect that she has in fact developed feelings for you. Whether of not she is able or inclined to admit that is another issue altogether. Also, the fact that she is married to someone else is a complicating factor which has little or nothing to do with the fact that she is a sadist and having an extra-marital affair with you. Again... she may not be able or willing to say that she has developed "love" feelings for you because to do so could very well compromise how she is able to maintain her marriage.

On a side note, and there will be those who take issue with this, I subscribe to the magic penny theory of love. Love is not a limited commodity. As a very wise person patiently explained to me when I was young and trying to sort out relationships, that a person CAN be in love with more than one person at a time.

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So very true, i whole heartedly agree with this.

Farawyn said:

This has nothing to do with her sadism. It has everything to do with her wanting to have her cake and eat it, too.

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Farawyn;
Thanks for the reply, but do you mean that she's selfish and she probably doesn't love me back and just treats me as her sexual toy?

Like I said before shes very mysterious, she doesn't like to talk about it ...that's why I really want to ask sadists if they usually reveal their feelings for their subs when they have? or maybe they think they will lose their control if they admit that they love and care about their subs??

Can sadists love their subs? Sure thing. Can a bunch of strangers on an internet forum tell you whether this woman is one of those kind of sadists? No.

If you want certainty, you need to use your words and ask her. If she doesn't give you a straight answer, well, that in itself is a kind of answer.

Tristan861 said:

do you mean that she's selfish and she probably doesn't love me back and just treats me as her sexual toy?

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Meaning, it sounds like there’s a good chance she’s purposely dodging the issue to avoid making a decision so as to keep things ( and you ) right where they are, nice and safe. As almost everyone else has said, take a stance if you want to know. Sounds like you want this to be more than it is, and you’ll never know until you open your mouth and ask. Sadists fall in love with people just like anyone else, all that label means is that they express it differently. You say you’re afraid of rejection, but purgatory is just a different level of hell. You’ve been worrying over this, you care about this woman, and even if it doesn’t end well, you’ll have closure. Point blank, ask. Underneath whatever dynamic anyone has, at its core it’s still a relationship, which means that communication and recognition of each others emotions as valid is still just as important. If it’s not to her, then you have your answer. I hope it goes well.

TheWhiteBull said:

I'm not so sure. I'm convinced that there are just as many people who are emotional sadists and masochists as there are physical ones.

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What does that have to do with anything? OP is asking for advice on a specific situation, not contrary rhetoric.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

What does that have to do with anything? OP is asking for advice on a specific situation, not contrary rhetoric.

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She said it had nothing to do with her sadism, so I put forward my belief that there exist what I call emotional sadists. If op's mistress is such an individual then her lack of...commitment? to the relationship might result from such a disposition, i.e. might have to do with her sadism. Of course, as has been pointed out, we don't know her and can't judge that.

Do sadists love?
Yes. Sure. They are just the same people as everyone else. That's not to say that some sadists can be cold or emotionally empty - but that happens even with non-fetishists so it's unrelated.

On the case of your story...
It's unrelated to the thread title. Here's what I think:
1) You are going nowhere if you just stay her sub. Eventually, maybe years down the line you will be left alone, with best years of your life gone and nothing to show for it but memories. Do you want that for yourself?
2) Telling her of your feelings may and WILL change things.
-They can be good changes, some relationship development or even marriage in a perfect world.
-They may be negative changes - it may put an end to your sessions.
-And also you can get a rejection while the sessions continue.
3) if it's second or third, I think you need to find someone else. Think about years in the future and all the suffering you will spare yourself. If she doesn't want you as a full-on partner - break up, find someone else. My personal opinion it'd be for the best.

So my advice? Come clear with her and face the consequences. Don't waste time deluding yourself that you could keep the status quo or that in time things will get better. They won't. She has a husband, she's safe and secure in life. She has little to lose. You, on the other hand, have everything to lose - having a family, children, grandchildren... Having a partner you can always rely on.

And I will also agree with someone above. There's no way a bunch of internet people will tell you what to do or resolve your problem.

The question isn't do sadists love? Yes, of course they do. Your question is does this sadist love?

In re-reading your post, I agree with Farawyn. She wants to be married, stay married. AND she wants a submissive to play with.

You knew this going in. It sounds like the relationship served you well for a time, but your emotions have changed. My guess is you don't really truly love her -- you love what she does to you. How it makes your cock feel. I guess that's a form of love. Masochist love!?

I doubt she thinks that hard about the relationship you have. You serve her purpose. But I have no idea - you should, as everyone else has stated - talk with her.

Good luck.

TheWhiteBull said:

She said it had nothing to do with her sadism, so I put forward my belief that there exist what I call emotional sadists. If op's mistress is such an individual then her lack of...commitment? to the relationship might result from such a disposition, i.e. might have to do with her sadism. Of course, as has been pointed out, we don't know her and can't judge that.

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Anyone can be an emotional sadist, or as I prefer to call them, selfish assholes. BDSM has nothing to do with the context of his triangle, IMO.
Sounds like a typical affair to me, where she likes it just as it is.

Of course, he doesn’t know about her feelings until he asks, but if ya gotta ask...
Well.

TheWhiteBull said:

She said it had nothing to do with her sadism, so I put forward my belief that there exist what I call emotional sadists. If op's mistress is such an individual then her lack of...commitment? to the relationship might result from such a disposition, i.e. might have to do with her sadism. Of course, as has been pointed out, we don't know her and can't judge that.

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What Far stated before ( and others since ) is that, given the description, it sounds like she’s just playing it safe and stringing him along. We’re talking face value here, OP didn’t ask us to seek out deeper meanings with our decoder rings, just posed a ridiculous question and asked for advice on how to handle a one sided situation.

Nobody is debating the existence of emotional sadism ( i.e. being a dick ), but there’s a world of difference between degrading/humiliating someone that gets off on it, and stonewalling someone when they obviously have feelings for you and actively abandoning them emotionally. Bottom line, there’s every reason to believe this person is being a greedy, selfish chud, and none to indicate this is just a manifestation of what you believe. Again, contrary rhetoric.

Nezhul:
I can’t have a normal relationship with females because I’m extremely submissive, I can’t see myself having a wife and children in the future, so don’t worry about my future life because I’m going to be lonely all my life, my life will be a misery either ways. I live in a country where true dommes are almost don’t exist, so I consider myself very lucky to have my own mistress who is truly into BDSM relationship (unlike other people who pay money to have a session with mistresses).

My mistress personality is very unique, for example, in the whole 2 years with her, she never confessed that she was wrong in anything, she never said ‘’sorry’’, she thinks she’s perfection and deserved to be worshiped, so she thinks that I need her more than she needs me and I will be lost without her (which is true), but at the same time she cares about me and respects me, and respects my limits... but have she developed love feelings for me like I recently have for her? This is the question,
I’ll do what you /and all people advised me to, I will ask her.

Thanks a lot for your concern/ thanks guys

Tristan861 said:

My mistress personality is very unique, for example, in the whole 2 years with her, she never confessed that she was wrong in anything, she never said ‘’sorry’’, she thinks she’s perfection and deserved to be worshiped

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This is... not as unique as you might think.

Bramblethorn said:

This is... not as unique as you might think.

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Seriously.
I can offer up my ex-husband as an example.
Check, please!

Tristan.
Who told you true Dommes don’t exist? Who told you that you can’t have a “normal” relationship with women because you are too submissive?

I hope she didn’t tell you this.
It’s probably not true.

Have you put yourself out there and looked?

_Necrosomantic_ said:

What Far stated before ( and others since ) is that, given the description, it sounds like she’s just playing it safe and stringing him along. We’re talking face value here, OP didn’t ask us to seek out deeper meanings with our decoder rings, just posed a ridiculous question and asked for advice on how to handle a one sided situation.

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Truly OP was a 2 part question because he asked for advice on his personal situation as well as wanting to know how the not just her sadistic mind worked. As I have already stated, I agree with the general assessment of his relationship, therefore continually referencing it in regards to my broader statements on the nature is worse than "contrary rhetoric", it is in fact pointless/irrelevant rhetoric.

[/QUOTE]
Nobody is debating the existence of emotional sadism ( i.e. being a dick ), but there’s a world of difference between degrading/humiliating someone that gets off on it, and stonewalling someone when they obviously have feelings for you and actively abandoning them emotionally. Bottom line, there’s every reason to believe this person is being a greedy, selfish chud, and none to indicate this is just a manifestation of what you believe. Again, contrary rhetoric.[/QUOTE]

Emotional sadism would be more along a spectrum actually, ranging from dicks and trolls to sociopaths. Again, I'm in agreement that we don't personally know the mistress and are in no position to determine if she enjoys his pain or if the status quo is her only motivation. Pointing this out is not contrary to anything which has already been said other than the statement that her behavior had "nothing" to do with her behavior. Fact of the matter is we simply dont know.

TheWhiteBull said:

Truly OP was a 2 part question because he asked for advice on his personal situation as well as wanting to know how the not just her sadistic mind worked. As I have already stated, I agree with the general assessment of his relationship, therefore continually referencing it in regards to my broader statements on the nature is worse than "contrary rhetoric", it is in fact pointless/irrelevant rhetoric.

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Your first post offered nothing except to point out your belief in the existence of emotional sadists and masochists. That is to say, in regards to answers or advice, nothing.

Second post, further establishing beliefs. Speculation about the possibility of her fitting into this mold, then immediately invalidating yourself. Again. Nothing.

Yet, what I say is pointless...

TheWhiteBull said:

Emotional sadism would be more along a spectrum actually, ranging from dicks and trolls to sociopaths. Again, I'm in agreement that we don't personally know the mistress and are in no position to determine if she enjoys his pain or if the status quo is her only motivation. Pointing this out is not contrary to anything which has already been said other than the statement that her behavior had "nothing" to do with her behavior. Fact of the matter is we simply dont know.

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There’s a huge difference between being an asshole and having a personality disorder, that’s the spectrum.

Here’s what I’m talkin about.
“ Her behavior has nothing to do with her behavior.”
What the fuck are you talking about? That double negative, coupled with the fact that you continuously point out that you “ agree with everyone but don’t know “, means that you’re saying a lot of nothing. Shit or get off the pot.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

Your first post offered nothing except to point out your belief in the existence of emotional sadists and masochists. That is to say, in regards to answers or advice, nothing.

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That would be because my first post was not addressed to him, but to her statement. I should think that painfully obvious.

[/QUOTE]
Second post, further establishing beliefs. Speculation about the possibility of her fitting into this mold, then immediately invalidating yourself. Again. Nothing. [/QUOTE]

Claiming that I invalidated myself without saying how I did so must be an awfully useful method of making your own point

[/QUOTE]
Yet, what I say is pointless... [/QUOTE]

In that it is irrelevant.

[/QUOTE]
There’s a huge difference between being an asshole and having a personality disorder, that’s the spectrum.[/QUOTE]

That's often the nature of a spectrum. Off the top of my head, there are huge differences between ends of a political spectrum too.

[/QUOTE]
Here’s what I’m talkin about.
“ Her behavior has nothing to do with her behavior.”
What the fuck are you talking about? [/QUOTE]

It's not at all what you're talking about, just a simple mistype. It was supposed to be behavior has "nothing" to do with her sadism.

[/QUOTE]
That double negative, coupled with the fact that you continuously point out that you “ agree with everyone but don’t know “, means that you’re saying a lot of nothing. Shit or get off the pot.[/QUOTE]

Saying that I agree with the general assessment and pointing out that said assessment may be limited in accuracy are in no way contradictory.

TheWhiteBull said:

That would be because my first post was not addressed to him, but to her statement. I should think that painfully obvious.

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I’m aware that it wasn’t, and I pointed out that it was off topic and pointless.

TheWhiteBull said:

Claiming that I invalidated myself without saying how I did so must be an awfully useful method of making your own point

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How? By constantly saying “ you don’t know “ after anything even remotely resembling an opinion. That tends to detract from the conviction of the things you say.

TheWhiteBull said:

In that it is irrelevant.

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Care to elaborate? Or are you just going to keep repeating yourself ad nauseam.

TheWhiteBull88229463 said:

That's often the nature of a spectrum. Off the top of my head, there are huge differences between ends of a political spectrum too.

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Speaking of irrelevant.

TheWhiteBull88229463 said:

It's not at all what you're talking about, just a simple mistype. It was supposed to be behavior has "nothing" to do with her sadism.

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Proof read your shit.

TheWhiteBull88229463 said:

Saying that I agree with the general assessment and pointing out that said assessment may be limited in accuracy are in no way contradictory.

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I didn’t say it was. I said you’re saying a lot of nothing, still are.

Tristan861 said:

Nezhul:
I can’t have a normal relationship with females because I’m extremely submissive, I can’t see myself having a wife and children in the future, so don’t worry about my future life because I’m going to be lonely all my life, my life will be a misery either ways. I live in a country where true dommes are almost don’t exist, so I consider myself very lucky to have my own mistress who is truly into BDSM relationship (unlike other people who pay money to have a session with mistresses).

My mistress personality is very unique, for example, in the whole 2 years with her, she never confessed that she was wrong in anything, she never said ‘’sorry’’, she thinks she’s perfection and deserved to be worshiped, so she thinks that I need her more than she needs me and I will be lost without her (which is true), but at the same time she cares about me and respects me, and respects my limits... but have she developed love feelings for me like I recently have for her? This is the question,
I’ll do what you /and all people advised me to, I will ask her.

Thanks a lot for your concern/ thanks guys

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Man... What you need is not to figure out your situation with her, but with yourself and your confidence.

1) Being submissive doesn't mean you can't have a relationship and wife. Forget about genders for a second and imagine women as part of people, not as a fairytail-ish unicorns. As with all people, some women like to submit, some like people to submit to them, and others like equality. It's the nature of a human mind, having nothing to do with gender.
What I'm saying is that no matter where you live, from every 10 girlfriends you might have - 3 will hate your submissiveness, 2 will be weirded out, 3 will not care, and 2 will be absolutely thrilled.

2) There are dominant women in every culture. Even in Muslim countries. A woman doesn't need to wear leathers and spiky collar to be a domme. From what you say, your idea of a domme is overrated.

Anyway. Here's What I think you need to do:
Go out and ask 100 girls out. Not in a day, obviously, but every day ask 1 girl out, or 2. Make it a project.
Of those hundred, 90 will not even give you a number. Of those 10 you meet, chances are 9 will not want a second date. But in doing just this simple task you will get yourself desensitized to rejection as well as gain experience of going on a date with girls. The next hundred will be MUCH easier and will probably land you with a girlfriend and a relationship NO MATTER how submissive you are.
The hardest thing to do is pull your ass out of the chair.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

I’m aware that it wasn’t, and I pointed out that it was off topic and pointless.

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_Necrosomantic_ said:

Speaking of irrelevant.

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So replying to a post within a thread is off topic? Pointing out how spectrums work when you made a claim about the nature of the one I proposed is irrelevant? I think you need to reeducate yourself on the meaning of off topic and irrelevant.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

How? By constantly saying “ you don’t know “ after anything even remotely resembling an opinion. That tends to detract from the conviction of the things you say.

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So scientists lack conviction when they caution that new or current laws and theories do not necessarily represent absolutes, but rather the best explanation we currently have? Another way to look at it is belief vs. knowledge. I agree with the general assessment because I believe it to be the case and am only pointing out that I believe it, not know it. Besides, when did we institute a conviction rule that you must have total and unwavering faith in your position? Seems unreasonable.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

Care to elaborate? Or are you just going to keep repeating yourself ad nauseam.

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I already did you just didn't seem to understand. Your point is irrelevant because you keep accusing me of not offering answering the 1st part of OP's question (personal advice), which is irrelevant because I have already stated I'm not here to do that because of our limited abilities in that regard. I'm only answering the 2nd part (sadist minds), so dragging the conversation back to the 1st one is off topic on your part.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

I didn’t say it was. I said you’re saying a lot of nothing, still are.

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Now you're just being disingenuous.

_Necrosomantic_ said:

Proof read your shit.

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Oh Necro, whose heavenly hands doth type perfectly in an imperfect world, show us the way of unerring penmanship. Light a path for those of us lost in darkness onto the path of elocution. Let mine voice be the first to offer up in song praise and thanksgiving for thine gifts which bless we mere mortals with a glimpse of the divine.

Seriously man, get off your high horse. Like you've never messed up. When I see someone make what seems to be a mistake I usually ask them to clarify and then they rectify it. It's called being polite.

Hey OP!

Howzitgoin’ ?

Please check back in.