Hecate
Lady Hecate will do
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2000
- Posts
- 1,657
Mistress Honey
I've been told I'm not a "true" Domme because I do not like inflicting pain and am rather gentle. I choose to challenge my pets to face their fears. In some ways, this is more painful than a switch or hot wax. It's more psychological and emotional.
If you need to be a mean bitch with a will to hurt people I am not a Domme.
I once said in another forum something similar, that maybe the next statement would "out" me as a "sub in disguise" because: one of my main motivations to let my Domme side take over is that it is triggered by a sub.
Meaning: I actually do "serve" my subs by dominating them, by responding to their desire to be "taken care of", to be released from responsibility, to be freed by being bound. The causing of pain for me is hard work - I get satisfaction from seeing my sub happy, seeing his / her need being met and I bask in the glow of the trust and power I am given - that is my turn on much more than the causing of pain itself.
So - does that make me no Domme? I don't think so (and so far I never had a comlaint by my subs either ;-)) - but my "weapons" are different. As was said in the abovequote of Mistress Honey, much more than the physical dominance I like my mental, psychological power.
I wrote the rosebush analogy to explain that - but mainly it means: I want my subs to grow, face their limits and overstep boundaries they thought they couldn't master, face their little "demons" while knowing I am there , reliable, to guide them or to "rescue" them if need be. And NO, I am not claiming any special psycho-skills and I am well aware that I am just a person without psychological scientific background. But I can listen, I can watch and I know the one I love.
Again, in my view a D/s relation is not neccessarily a BDSM one ( and if you carefully read my writing it is mainly the D/s abbreviation I use, BDSM only very rarely appears in my wording), it involves a lot more than the aspect of ohysical pain during sex. THat itself is fine with me and enjoyable, but it is not the "core" of the lifestyle. For me the kick is the power exchange, the giving up and handing over of my sub's "live" into my hands - and I better make damn sure I am treating it with the care and appreciation this rare and special gift deserves. And therefore I am sure it doesn't take the enjoyment of inflicting pain to make a Dom/me (I actually am much more comfortable by NOT feeling good about it - THAT would really scare me!)
Not sure if any of that made sense ... *lol* doesn't it make you wish I was better with my whip than with my words??