Joking...or something more?

Stacy_TG said:

With regard to sexual innuendos..when is a joke just a joke...or is it something more?

So lately I've been getting to know this guy I work with. He's a nice guy, and we hang out on lunch break, etc., and lately he's been making jokes like right before lunch one day I said I was hungry and he said "I got a protein shake for you." Haha. He said a few weeks ago, that he's so desperate for a raise that he'd suck the boss off. He said it laughingly and jokingly. Things like that.

So as I've been getting more and more comfortable, I made a comment the other day about money being an issue, etc., and I said "Ya know, I gotta admit, I think I'd blow the boss for a raise too!" He looked over at me and said "You can suck me off if you want. You'd be the prettiest guy to suck my dick!"

So here's the thing, I can't tell if he's joking (because he's smiling and laughing), or if he's being serious.

He's confided in me that him and his girlfriend and not doing so well. He's working a ton of hours to try and get ahead and she wants to take a break. He seems lonely a bit more lately, and I gotta admit, he's kinda cute. He's also commented to me about guys being cute, but then he plays the "I'm not gay, and I'm confident in my sexuality but....is really good looking!"

So basically, are all these comments to me, is he making them in passing because he's joking around, or do you think there might be something deeper going on. I'll be totally honest, if he comes out to me with one more of his jokes, I'm going to reply with something like "Better stop offering!"

Because it's really tormenting me. I'd love to be with him. He's a really nice guy, but I don't know if he, ya know...would be "into" me...dressing like a girl in private, being transgender, etc.

I'd suck him off in a heartbeat if I had the chance. So my question is...how do I approach this? Do I just chalk it up to he's just making sex jokes/innuendos because he thinks that they're funny, or is he really potentially possibly interested in me?

More data: He's seen me in my short shorts in the summer and my shaven legs, and it's really obvious that I shave my arms, too...do you think he might "know" about me, and he's using his jokes to flirt with me?

I'm about this close to start making passes back at him. You know, like conveniently tying my shoe when we're in the elevator, then looking up at him when he's talking, etc.

What do you think, dear friends?

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bluesky496 said:

that is a tricky one ,he sounds as if he likes you but the question is how much .
his remarks are a little flirtatious and you could flirt back but he may only be joking because he is lonely and likes the company and wants you to know he is okay with who you are .take your time honey and really get to know him before you make any moves ,xo Lucy

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coati said:

Stacy, I've never had good luck starting a relationship in the overtly sexual way that you are describing. I'd recommend waiting for someone who is attracted to you in more ways than your willingness to get them off.

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willbethere said:

These post are good advice!
From what you say about his gf wanting time off leads me to believe he is looking just to get off.

Hate to see you get hurt, slow approach sounds good to me!


melissa

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SEVERUSMAX said:

Also depends on if Stacy wants a serious relationship right now herself or just wants a fling. If the latter, a sort of fishing in return might not be bad....just don't rush right out into say, "I want....."

Well, you know why. Too many "trans panic" BS defenses and discriminatory legal codes in too many states. Grrrr.....

In the end, though, only you know what you really want, Stacy. Trust your instincts first. If they send off alarm bells, listen to them.

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Stacy_TG said:

I want to be a wife, and I want to be a mommy.

</3

I just don't know how to tell him that. Part of me just wants to come out and tell him, "I'm transgender, and I want to live full-time as a woman, and I could be the love of your life." But I'm scared to death that he is just looking "for a fling".

Why does life have to be so goddamn complicated? None of this bullshit would be happening to me if I was born what I should have been born as.

I'm just so scared and angry and frustrated I just want to scream and then cry and then eat and then cry some more.

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SEVERUSMAX said:

It's definitely unfair, but I'm pleased that you're holding it together as well as you have, and that you haven't rushed into anything that you don't want to do. If you want a more serious commitment/relationship, even a monogamous one (it's not for everyone, but it is for some people, and I respect your right to go for what you want in all aspects of your life), you might be better off either making that plain to him or leaving him alone. The last thing that you want is to have him think that you want a fling while you actually want marriage and family. That path only leads to your heart being broken again.

Either way, be true to you first of all. Don't settle for less than what you, Stacy, want with life. You're not obligated to give him anything if you don't wish to, and you can even things playfully uninvolved if you prefer that. Just don't give up. The sort of guy that you want does exist, I am sure.....whether this is the guy or not.

And chin up. Your friends here on Lit have your back.

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Stacy_TG said:

I love you all for it. More than you know.



I'd like to approach him about it, but I'm not even sure how to start the conversation.

I did tell him the other day after another one of his "jokes".

"You better stop tempting me!"

He seemed a bit taken aback, but he did smile!

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