My Dom wants to share me with his Domme... help!!

Hello again all... ok.. thread title is exactly my issue today...
My Dom is a switch... he has been playing with a Domme himself, as sub, but with me, he is Dom all the way. I have no Domme in me AT ALL (we've explored this)... so he plays sub elsewhere...

Well, my question is, he wants to bring me into their play, and i'm a little wary of it.. he would be my Dom, as usual, but she would be Domme, also, over me.... Help!!! i know it sounds confusing.. basically, i would be serving both of them, and that scares me... he and i have a good thing going right now, and i really don't want this to become an everytime thing... does this make sense?
He says that he is so proud of me, that he wants to show me off to his Domme... does this sound normal?
thanks in advance.. sierra....

Sierra,

My Master is a switch and occasionally subs for Dommes. We have subbed together a few times, and though i was a bit anxious about it, it's always been a good experience. We generally are bound facing each other so we can hold hands. As long as she will respect your safeword, i think you really have nothing to fear and should really enjoy the experience immensely.

thanks brat

Does it make a difference that he will be Dom also??? Both of their attention will be on me.. that's what has me scared...

SierraMoon said:

Hello again all... ok.. thread title is exactly my issue today...
My Dom is a switch... he has been playing with a Domme himself, as sub, but with me, he is Dom all the way. I have no Domme in me AT ALL (we've explored this)... so he plays sub elsewhere...

Well, my question is, he wants to bring me into their play, and i'm a little wary of it.. he would be my Dom, as usual, but she would be Domme, also, over me.... Help!!! i know it sounds confusing.. basically, i would be serving both of them, and that scares me... he and i have a good thing going right now, and i really don't want this to become an everytime thing... does this make sense?
He says that he is so proud of me, that he wants to show me off to his Domme... does this sound normal?
thanks in advance.. sierra....

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My Dear friend Sierra,
From your post,...and also knowing you. You are not eagerly looking forward to this. In fact,... knowing you, I can see you wringing your hands even now.

I see nothing wrong in the "play" itself,...but due to your apprehensive attitude, I would suggest you get to know them better before you engage in this three way. Meet them, talk to them, communicate.

Ya gotta have information beforehand,...not just a desire. If it's worth experiencing,...it's worth waiting for,...until you feel you know them both well enough to proceed.

JMHO

EDITED to add this link:http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=89258

A thread to keep an eye on as pertaining your situation Sierra !

I think it is normal for a Dom to want to show off his sub, Sierra. Have you met His Mistress yet?

I've never been in that situation, exactly. I think, though, that it would be very exciting, and it's very flattering that he wants to bring you into their relationship. You should be proud that he is eager to show you off. *s*

I think it boils down to how well you know your Dom and how well you trust his judgement.

*hugs*

With Artful's permission,

Trust YOUR feelings girl ,and if He is a good Dom at all,then He will respect You by SLOWLY introducing You to it , thats JMHO hun..

I would ask your Master that he takes his time and introduces the both of you over a coffee or something like that. You can begin to get to know each other and you'll have a better idea of how you feel about this.

Being a switch myself, and a rather impatient one, I can sort of see where he's coming from.

One question: have you discussed your apprehension with him? If he's anything like me, he'll take it to heart, and not push things until you're not only ready, but eager for it.

Also, both of their attention will more likely be divided, rather than focused solely on you. He will be paying attention to his Domme as well, and likely be concerned about how you two are getting along. Her attention will likewise be on him, and how he Doms you, how he plays. It's possible she's not seen this side of him and wants to.

Anyone else have food for thought on these ideas?

I dunno

I am not a switch, but I am a Domme, and I would be concerned about your apprehension. It is one of the reasons I use the checklist. I want to know if bringing third parties into a relationship is overly stressful.

I think that you need to communicate your fears as soon as possible to your Dom. You sound like you are not ready for this. What's the rush?

Ebony

Good question. What is the rush?

Maybe it is just Me

SpectreT said:

Good question. What is the rush?

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But I take a lot of time developing my relationships with my subs. and I have one now, I have been with for over a year, and he trusts me implicitly, and he still would be weirded out if I brought in a third party.

Ebony

Sierra?
Slow down a second, darlin'.
Take a deep breath.
In and out.
In and out.

Listen a minute, okay?

You're brand new to this kind of sexuality.
Your first time playing was only days ago.

There is no rush at all into anything new because it's all still so new. You really needn't move forward until, unless, you are entirely comfortable with where you are right now.

All of this has come at you fast.
He's playing hard with you, too, something that may be good or it may be a little reckless - but that's the way it is. You're playing as hard, if your descriptions are accurate, as any newbie i've ever seen. And you were ready! You know you were. We all know you were.

However, adding a third into a relationship is always a thing of delicacy and timing. It's something people do when they are solidly in tune with each other and sure of the strength of what lies between them. It's something people do most often only after a bunch of time has elapsed.

I think i know this about you because it's true of me: you need to feel your dominant is in total control of you (the play, your safety, your responses, EVERYTHING) so you can relax into the sensations. I've called "my dominant" a number of switches, Sierra, and i know this about that group: they've played hard and they've understood how it feels to be me and what i need from them.

If thier control slips, though, then so does my feeling of trust in them.

When the trust slips, then so does everything of value between me and the one to whom i'm submitting.

I wouldn't consider adding a third into play, especially my dominant's Domme, until way way into the evolution of the relationship between my dominant and me. It would be too scary for me to see someone new to me, someone with whom i was building a trust relationship, in my power position.

Knowing they do it and seeing them do it - when all is still fragile and new between us - would be scary and weird for me.

However, if he can introduce you to her in a non-sexual atmostphere (that coffee shop idea is a good one), if you can come to know her and him in that way, then maybe the chemistry would be right.

Alternatively, if she were there as an observer only, watching as he worked with you, him on Top and you on the bottom (of course), then that might be okay, too. Quite honestly, that's where i'm going sometime in the not-too-distant future with my play partner and his life partner (a woman to whom he is an amitted SAM, btw. ).

At the end of the day, it's you and your partner who have to come to an arrangement whereby both your needs get met. Don't listen to us if what we say doesn't fit your life or needs.

I'm sorry you're facing this so soon into your great adventure, Sierra. It's a tough one.

Thanks to each and every one of you who have posted in this thread....

yes, i am apprehensive about being involved in this 3 way play session. i do trust my Dom, as he has given me no reason not to, as of yet. As i've said many times, he has been very good with/to me, in regards to taking time with me, and pushing just far enough.
What i'm apprehensive about, is her... not knowing how she is, when Domme.... will she understand my limits as he does? i know this is something he and i need to talk very seriously about. i also know that this is something that he is very interested in doing, and has told me that she is also. From what he's told me, they have talked alot about me, and how i am doing, as far as play goes, and is very interested in seeing it for herself.
As far as bringing a 3rd person in, that is not my issue.. if my Dom wanted to bring another sub into our play, i would not be apprehensive at all... it is having to serve 2 dominants at once that has me a bit queasy, when i am just learning to serve the one.
Sorry for starting this thread, and bringing you all into it, when i know that ultimately, the only thing that can be done is some serious talking between the 2 of us. i just thought that if anyone had any kind of experience in this, maybe they could steer my in the right direction as to how to go about this.
thanks again all... sierra

Don't be sorry at all, Sierra! No one thinks the less of you in the least.

Have you ever met his Domme? Would you consider building an outside the "bedroom" relationship with her first? You know, meeting her in public at dinner, getting to know her as a person and learning what she's like?

It's perfectly natural to not want this, particularly when you're nervous and apprehensive. Whether they're Dom or not makes no difference, they must still respect you. It sounds as if your Dom does. It's highly unlikely he'll do anything that would hurt you. I imagine that he, at the least, would be willing to start with a slow relationship outside of sex.

I can't image why a good Domme wouldn't agree to meet you for dinner, spend some time doing "friends" things and getting to know you before requiring you to submit to her. Sure, there'll be you doing sub manners and her doing Domme manners, but hey, that's perfectly natural, too.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

No, KM, i have not met his Domme as of yet... he just brought this idea to me the other day, and i gave him one of my "we'll see" answers.. i do not wish to disappoint him, and i know he will be more than willing to work through this with me. Just wish i could be a fly on the wall when the 2 of them play, so i would know what to expect from her.. you know?
As i said, he has been so excellent with me, and i know that he cares enough about me, to take into account my feelings about this, if i only knew what those feelings were..... i'm very confused about the whole thing. Wanting so desperately to please him, and this seems like something so small that he is asking of me. But, yet, in my heart, i'm not sure if i can please the 2 of them, together.
sorry.. just some more rambling...
sierra

p.s. thank you for your best wishes

How'd it turn out? =)

Nackereia said:

How'd it turn out? =)

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Oh my......... old thread!! LOL


Nackereia, i wasn't with that Dominant too much longer. He became very abusive, and drank way too much when we would play, so i ended it.

Thanks for asking tho!!!

You're welcome. I'm sorry it didn't work out

So many memories of people now gone from Lit and life itself.

I sure miss Artful. Whenever I read an old post, I remember him. (Can't say as I miss Dream tho.. *sorry I can be catty sometimes. I admit it.*)

Also, I sure miss Ebony. I hope all is well in her life.

~ cait

wait? Ebony left? (i've been gone awhile) when did this happen?

Nackereia said:

You're welcome. I'm sorry it didn't work out

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Thanks hon, but please don't be sorry. i've moved onto something much better now, and am living with my Master

Things work out for a reason


i know what you mean about reading old posts and sighing. i miss a lot of the older posters. Especially Artful. He was a great friend to many people