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Experienced Doms

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BeautifulBlueSky218

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I've talked to a few people on here who claimed to be Dom's. However when I did speak to them, they didn't know much about the lifestyle and I could tell that they were fakes.

Is Experienced Dom's hard to find?

Over the years I've been learning about the lifestyle and one thing that I seem to like is how their never ashamed on what satisfies them.

Before I realized I was a true sub, I remember I was so ashamed by what aroused me and had a hard time talking about it with anyone. Now I simply on share it on here and it certainly has helped a lot. :)
 
I have found the same to be true with folks who claim to be true subs as well. It seems that they think of themselves as being submissive but there really using that position as a way to steer A dominant man in the direction they want him to go or to satisfy their own needs and I aren't really interested in Trulia giving up themselves and submitting to a dominant confident man. I guess it comes from different complexities of people and the fact that folks are looking for different levels of experiences and white one may call experienced to the next maybe a novice.
 
It’s hard when you’re just becoming aware of the way you’re built.

If you’re a D, it cuts against the idea of what a D is: In Charge. It’s sort of like being in the youngest grade in middle school: who are you going to ask to the Winter Dance??? The girls in your class want the buff, experienced oh-so-mature older middle school guys, and it’s not fucking fair, dammit.

If you’re a sub, becoming vulnerable in that way to someone just when you’re discovering what it means is a huge leap - it can open you up to lots of dickitude dressed as dominance.

If you can’t find a Dom who’s experienced, you might be overlooking some compatible not-yet-Dom dominant guys, who, if relieved of the pressure that they somehow have to know everything at the start, could grow with you.
 
DeepGreenEyes said:
If you can’t find a Dom who’s experienced, you might be overlooking some compatible not-yet-Dom dominant guys, who, if relieved of the pressure that they somehow have to know everything at the start, could grow with you.
Click to expand...

There is so much rightness in this it has done a 360!
 
Thanks for answering this thread. I just wanted to see what everyone's opinion of this was and wanted to see how each Dom thought and how they were different from one another.
 
BeautifulBlueSky218 said:
Thanks for answering this thread. I just wanted to see what everyone's opinion of this was and wanted to see how each Dom thought and how they were different from one another.
Click to expand...

I could be totally missing the point here, maybe you are looking specifically for a dominate. In which case, I have.

However, taken as a whole, there is a lot of complexity around BDSM relationships. The term itself is often taken to mean strictly domination and submission. But, it represents at least three, maybe more, ways of being that, right or wrong, have been grouped together: BD, Bondage and Discipline; DS, Domination and Submission; Sadism and Masochism. I know people who will insist that BD is Bondage and Domination, that submission isn't part of it for either party, they desire a struggle from beginning to end, never submission. Then you add in DD/lg and/or Consensual Non-Consent and it's a big world being shoved into four tiny letters.

(If I missed one, or a dozen, sound off, teach me and maybe the OP something! Please! :) )

At the end of the day, it's not one homogenius way of being, it's a collective of often similar ideas that sometime clash and don't work together. If you as a pyl are seeking -for instance- a DD/lg situation, then you aren't likely to enjoy a relationship with even the most experienced sadist. But, I could be wrong.

You'll hear it said often that there is no one true way. This is an important truth, even when the people saying it really believe, deep down inside, that "their way" is best and truer. And that's because it is. It is their way, perfect for them until they grow into a new way.
 
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LiamHDunn said:
I could be totally missing the point here, maybe you are looking specifically for a dominate. In which case, I have.

However, taken as a whole, there is a lot of complexity around BDSM relationships. The term itself is often taken to mean strictly domination and submission. But, it represents at least three, maybe more, ways of being that, right or wrong, have been grouped together: BD, Bondage and Discipline; DS, Domination and Submission; Sadism and Masochism. I know people who will insist that BD is Bondage and Domination, that submission isn't part of it for either party, they desire a struggle from beginning to end, never submission. Then you add in DD/lg and/or Consensual Non-Consent and it's a big world being shoved into four tiny letters.

(If I missed one, or a dozen, sound off, teach me and maybe the OP something! Please! :) )

At the end of the day, it's not one homogenius way of being, it's a collective of often similar ideas that sometime clash and don't work together. If you as a pyl are seeking -for instance- a DD/lg situation, then you aren't likely to enjoy a relationship with even the most experienced sadist. But, I could be wrong.

You'll hear it said often that there is no one true way. This is an important truth, even when the people saying it really believe, deep down inside, that "their way" is best and truer. And that's because it is. It is their way, perfect for them until they grow into a new way.
Click to expand...

Welcome to Lit, Liam!

I have to say that this post made me smile.
 
BeautifulBlueSky218 said:
Thanks for answering this thread. I just wanted to see what everyone's opinion of this was and wanted to see how each Dom thought and how they were different from one another.
Click to expand...

All Doms are different from each other.

It really depends on what you're looking for in the relationship and what kind of personality suits you. One may be better suited for another type of sub.

On Lit, some Doms are more experienced, some have actually had relationships off-line, some are new and learning about themselves and may discover they are more Top than Dom, just as a sub might discover things. People grow.

The best advice I have been given is to not seek, but to be friends with many and let it happen over time. I can honestly say it works and that there are amazing people here.
 
There are a lot of fakes, period. Online, real life, regular old vanillas, Doms, subs. The issue, I think, is just finding someone honest vs. looking for experience.

It's fun to have someone large and in charge and bosses you around a bit. I dig that. :cattail: But - as DGE says - it's also a lot of fun to explore this with someone you like, someone you click with and just start figuring out what you both like.

BFG makes that point, too. Starting out as friends and going from there is a great place to start. Post in some of the threads, bump in to some folks, send messages - it's not a bad way to get to know someone online.

That being said, I do remember when I started out online about 10 years ago. I got really wet just being ordered to do something. I had no idea if I liked the person who was "tasking" me to do something, I took no time in getting to know that person. I just wanted to experience that moment. Was that fake? Was he fake? Was I submissive or just doing sex stuff I liked? I don't know. It worked for me at the time. I did learn a lot from it.

Glad you're here and it's good you've found a place to share your shameful thoughts. You should keep doing that. :devil:
 
Define "true Dom". Do you mean someone who's actually tied people up, beaten them, held their throat in his hands, punished them, rewarded them in person?

Sad to say, but that's rare on Lit. If you want online only with someone who has skills at online domination so that you can dip your toe into the world of kink, then there are many to choose from.

Regardless, please go slow. A lot of ignorant people (tops, bottoms, men and women) seem to think that someone calling themselves a PYL automatically gets some sort of authority over a pyl. That's just not true. What IS true is that your personalities should mesh, at least some, outside of kink if you're looking for a partner and not just a play partner.

And if you want to actually meet someone in your area or go to classes or munches, then try Fetlife.com. There are a lot of posers on there, too, but you can weed them out quite easily if you start going to events.
 
cookiecat said:
There are a lot of fakes, period. Online, real life, regular old vanillas, Doms, subs. The issue, I think, is just finding someone honest vs. looking for experience.

It's fun to have someone large and in charge and bosses you around a bit. I dig that. :cattail: But - as DGE says - it's also a lot of fun to explore this with someone you like, someone you click with and just start figuring out what you both like.

BFG makes that point, too. Starting out as friends and going from there is a great place to start. Post in some of the threads, bump in to some folks, send messages - it's not a bad way to get to know someone online.

That being said, I do remember when I started out online about 10 years ago. I got really wet just being ordered to do something. I had no idea if I liked the person who was "tasking" me to do something, I took no time in getting to know that person. I just wanted to experience that moment. Was that fake? Was he fake? Was I submissive or just doing sex stuff I liked? I don't know. It worked for me at the time. I did learn a lot from it.

Glad you're here and it's good you've found a place to share your shameful thoughts. You should keep doing that. :devil:
Click to expand...

Best answer for me, and what I would tell the OP if you didn’t say it so well.

I disagree with Fet Life stuff. You may walk into something you are in no way ready for.
Try to find a person first, and build from there.
Be honest.

I lucked out and pretty much found my perfect person, met here, now real life and very intense. It took time, and more than a few mistakes on my part because I wanted what the idea was in my head so badly that I jumped into stuff.

No one else has mentioned the apostrophe confusion. So, I’m just gonna lay it down. As an aside.

Best of luck, OP.
 
Farawyn said:
No one else has mentioned the apostrophe confusion. So, I’m just gonna lay it down. As an aside.

Best of luck, OP.
Click to expand...

tbh, I was more annoyed than confused by the apostrophe.

Experienced Dom's what?

Doms = plural

i.e. there are a lot of Doms around here that may or may not know what the fuck they are doing.

Dom's = a PYL in possession of whatever noun follows

i.e. the Dom's well appointed dungeon made her mouth dry at the sight of it.

just saying. :rolleyes:
 
cascadiabound said:
tbh, I was more annoyed than confused by the apostrophe.

Experienced Dom's what?

Doms = plural

i.e. there are a lot of Doms around here that may or may not know what the fuck they are doing.

Dom's = a PYL in possession of whatever noun follows

i.e. the Dom's well appointed dungeon made her mouth dry at the sight of it.

just saying. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

We are annoying. :D
 
cascadiabound said:
tbh, I was more annoyed than confused by the apostrophe.

Experienced Dom's what?

Doms = plural

i.e. there are a lot of Doms around here that may or may not know what the fuck they are doing.

Dom's = a PYL in possession of whatever noun follows

i.e. the Dom's well appointed dungeon made her mouth dry at the sight of it.

just saying. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Experienced Dominate’s would never make this faux pas.
 
Regarding the original post:

Dominants are people. People are individual. Two individuals are compatible, or not.

cascadiabound said:
tbh, I was more annoyed than confused by the apostrophe.

Experienced Dom's what?

Doms = plural

i.e. there are a lot of Doms around here that may or may not know what the fuck they are doing.

Dom's = a PYL in possession of whatever noun follows

i.e. the Dom's well appointed dungeon made her mouth dry at the sight of it.

just saying. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

A grammar dominant. There needs be at least on in every gathering.

I confess a couple of things in the original post grated my "ear"as well

ToPleaseHim said:
I. Want. To. Edit. This. Post. So. Badly...
Click to expand...

I assumed (and hope) that the humour was intended.
 
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Wordsworth said:
Regarding the original post:
Dominants are people. People are individual. Two individuals are compatible, or not.
Click to expand...
Thank you for returning the thread to the OP.

A grammar dominant. There needs be at least one in every gathering.
Click to expand...
:eek: I am not usually prone to making such posts, but in this case it cried out for something...

I confess a couple of things in the original post grated my "ear"as well
I assumed (and hope) that the humour was intended.
Click to expand...
I do believe TPH was being funny. In fact... I was trying to be funny with my post as well.

In the spirit of returning to the OP's query, I would point her to the post below and the thread from which was excerpted. A reasonably good read.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=88074669&postcount=651

I do wish the OP luck. And I would concur with your assessment above (now bolded) as well as with Cookie's original post. She pretty much had already offered what I would have.

cb
 
RawHumor said:
Define "true Dom". Do you mean someone who's actually tied people up, beaten them, held their throat in his hands, punished them, rewarded them in person?

Sad to say, but that's rare on Lit. If you want online only with someone who has skills at online domination so that you can dip your toe into the world of kink, then there are many to choose from.

Regardless, please go slow. A lot of ignorant people (tops, bottoms, men and women) seem to think that someone calling themselves a PYL automatically gets some sort of authority over a pyl. That's just not true. What IS true is that your personalities should mesh, at least some, outside of kink if you're looking for a partner and not just a play partner.

And if you want to actually meet someone in your area or go to classes or munches, then try Fetlife.com. There are a lot of posers on there, too, but you can weed them out quite easily if you start going to events.
Click to expand...

To RH's point, I'm not sure the skills needed to be a successful on-line PYL are the same as this needed to play in real time/ face to face.

And, yes, always approach any new situation with a healthy dose of doubt and distrust!
 
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