Affair advice

IrishGuy1974

Virgin
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Posts
2
Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?
 
If she's a co-worker, most of the advice that you'll get here will be of the "Don't shit where you eat" variety, but that's probably not what you want to hear.
 
Noor's office affair advice:

1) Use condoms NO MATTER what. Sharing STDS is really uncool. Pregnancy is expensive.

2) Choose women with the same name as your wife or practice using honey, sweetheart, darlin' whatever you call your wife.

3) Pick someone who doesn't like you too much and you don't like them beyond the acquaintance level.

4) Check out company policy on relationships

5) Check morals clause in your employment contract

6) Always take a shower after sex before you go home.

7) Keep to your standard routine.

8) Do NOT make the affair person a more intimate friend than your wife.

9) Never tell your wife unless you plan to leave her. Relationships rarely recover from affairs and it seriously damages the innocence spouse's ability to trust for future relationships.

10) Keep in mind that children usually also feel betrayed by cheating.

11) Plan what happens when your wife suspects.

12) Keep your lover and wife very happy and sexually satisfied.

13) Same rules apply to cheating on your lover.

14) Plan what happens when your wife finds out.


Successful affairs are a lot of work. Don't even think about it if you can't handle the consequences. Losing your family and job are real possibilities, and Fatal Attraction does happen. Remember all the parties involved, your wife, family, co-worker, the men in their lives and family. If you are part of a small community or strong church be prepared to be ostracized if they find out.

Every married guy who cheats thinks no one will ever find out, but do a poll on lit and see how many of the cheating men here were caught by someone. You can control what you do, you can't control what the other person will do. You might think you know someone enough to trust them but you probably don't. When circumstances change people do too.

I know one guy who basically lost everyone (except his mom) and not even his now grown kids will speak to him. He has grand kids he has never met.
 
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irish guy, you might want to consider posting this in the playground if you're serious about this. most folks in how to take a dim view of extramarital activity.

ed
 
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Ask your wife for permission first. :rolleyes:

No seriously, affairs never ever stay private, people always find out or suspect and keep a closer eye and figure it out. It is only a matter of time before your wife figures it out or someone tells her.

Besides which, unless your lover hates you, which of course can't happen because she wouldn't have sex with you anyway, probabilities are very high she will decide she loves you and you should leave your wife for her, at which point she will probably call your wife and tell her everything. :eek:
 
Something else do one has mentioned is that if you are smart you will buy both of then the same perfume.

This is left over from my single days, when I was dating three ladies at the same time...A shower doesn't always remove all the perfume and a woman has the ability to differentiate between smells better than men do.:eek:

WORD.
 
most folks in how to take a dim view of extramarital activity.

ed

For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.

Although as a former HR person, I gotta agree with Eilan regarding the opinion that getting sexually involved with someone in a work related environment is bad news. There are all sorts of ways that can blow up in your face........
 
bailadora said:
For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.
I think that's a pretty accurate assessment.

I would assume (dangerous, I know ;)) that silverwhisper's use of "extramarital" in this case refers to an affair being conducted without a SO's knowledge or consent.
 
For real? I guess my perception of the general consensus was that as long as all parties involved (ie. both spouses and the extra person) are agreeable, then it's no one else's business.

This is very true. We on this board do take a dim view of cheating, but we are also supportive of opened relationships, and the simple fact is that affairs do not require cheating. If your wife is okay with you sleeping with this woman, just to try it or even on a regular basis, who are we to gainsay you?

So first off, make sure you're honest with yourself. Why do you want to do this? Is it because you want some variety in your sex life? Is it because you don't have one at the moment? Is there emotional distance between you and your wife which is frustrating you? Figure out what need you are satisfying by sleeping with this co-worker, and why you feel the need to look to her--and not your wife--to have it satisfied.

Second, see if you can be honest with your wife. Obviously, no spouse likes hearing, "Honey, I want to sleep with someone who isn't you," but if you approach the conversation rationally and lay out your reasoning, hopefully she will be willing to respond in the same vein. As is usual in these discussions, you would need to avoid accusatory phrasing: don't be like, "Honey, you're sexually boring," just say, "I'm not satisfied with my sex life for the following reasons, and while the obvious answer is to schtoink my co-worker, I still want you to be aware of what's going on." In a marriage (as in any emotional relationship), a compromise can push people apart... or draw them together. Even if said compromise involves you poking your pecker in some other woman, that can become something that strengthens your marriage. (Especially if, say, your wife wants to join in. ;) Now, that's not very likely; this is reality, not porn. But hey, miracles happen!)

The point is that affairs do not require dishonesty. If you can avoid dishonesty, you are doing everyone a favor--your co-worker, your wife, yourself.
 
Ya, you don't do it. Or first you get divorced, and THEN you fool around. That's my advice.
 
I would assume (dangerous, I know ;)) that silverwhisper's use of "extramarital" in this case refers to an affair being conducted without a SO's knowledge or consent.

Gotcha. FWIW, I usually tend to interpret a word pretty literally, but for some strange reason I didn't track that way this evening. *shakes head* Must be gettin' old or something. ;)
 
Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?

OK, I know the answer to this one, really I do!

First, talk to this girl from work. Tell her you find her attractive and ask if she'd consider going for coffee or something. Be sure to tell her you are married -- it's only fair, after all. If she agrees to go, keep a low profile, especially at the office. No sense giving anyone some dirt to use against you, if they're so inclined, you know?

Go and enjoy your time with her. Maybe let her know you're interested in more than coffee, give her a few light touches, maybe hold her hand a second or two, let your thumb lightly caress her hand, make eye contact. You need to show as well as tell her of your interest.

Back at the office, don't play up anything with her during working hours. Remember there are prying eyes everywhere. You really need to be vigilant on this, as most companies frown on couples working together, and an affair is sure to be seen poorly -- character and all that stuff.

As you develop your relationship more, maybe some intimate dinners on occasion, you need to find some places out of the area of course. You can't be too careful with these things. I'd get a 'throw away' cell phone too, those are easy to find now a days. You'll need a separate email address, but most of us have multiple ones already (just didn't want to leave anything out).

The next thing you'll need to find is a divorce attorney (know now that your wife will have already called the best of the best), while you're at it, find a lawyer to represent you in the workplace sexual harassment case charged against you (again, your company has excellent lawyers on retainer), and might as well find a lawyer for any pesky stuff like someone setting you up by vandalizing the other woman's property.

I think that's a good start anyway. If I can think of more I'll definitely post it.
 
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If your willing to give up your marriage for this fling then go fir it, afte ryou get a divorce as you probably shouldn't be married.

As far as dating women at work, I have done it a number of times and I have been lucky and it never went bad. I have heard some horror stories though so look at your history, do you usually have crazy break up's with woman wanting to screw you over? I have stayed friends with every one of my ex's so i have been able to keep out of trouble with dating at work.

Overall though, this is just a really bad idea to be quite honest man. go watch some porn and put it in your wife and imagine the girl from work or something.
 
bailadora: eilan is correct in her understanding of my meaning. irish guy didn't say whether or not his wife is a consenting party and that would be a dangerous assumption to make.

ed
 
bailadora: eilan is correct in her understanding of my meaning. irish guy didn't say whether or not his wife is a consenting party and that would be a dangerous assumption to make.

ed

no he didnt specify, but he's asking strangers online how to approach a woman at work- that right there shows secrecy.

Can we castrate him now or should we wait and let his wife do it?
 
OK, I know the answer to this one, really I do!

First, talk to this girl from work. Tell her you find her attractive and ask if she'd consider going for coffee or something. Be sure to tell her you are married -- it's only fair, after all. If she agrees to go, keep a low profile, especially at the office. No sense giving anyone some dirt to use against you, if they're so inclined, you know?

Go and enjoy your time with her. Maybe let her know you're interested in more than coffee, give her a few light touches, maybe hold her hand a second or two, let your thumb lightly caress her hand, make eye contact. You need to show as well as tell her of your interest.

Back at the office, don't play up anything with her during working hours. Remember there are prying eyes everywhere. You really need to be vigilant on this, as most companies frown on couples working together, and an affair is sure to be seen poorly -- character and all that stuff.

As you develop your relationship more, maybe some intimate dinners on occasion, you need to find some places out of the area of course. You can't be too careful with these things. I'd get a 'throw away' cell phone too, those are easy to find now a days. You'll need a separate email address, but most of us have multiple ones already (just didn't want to leave anything out).

The next thing you'll need to find is a divorce attorney (know now that your wife will have already called the best of the best), while you're at it, find a lawyer to represent you in the workplace sexual harassment case charged against you (again, your company has excellent lawyers on retainer), and might as well find a lawyer for any pesky stuff like someone setting you up by vandalizing the other woman's property.

I think that's a good start anyway. If I can think of more I'll definitely post it.

Great post C!
 
no he didnt specify, but he's asking strangers online how to approach a woman at work- that right there shows secrecy.

Can we castrate him now or should we wait and let his wife do it?

Good chuckle, Cherry. If we can't do the castrate thing maybe we could have a pool to guess when -- or if -- IrishGuy makes a return appearance?
 
bailadora said:
Although as a former HR person, I gotta agree with Eilan regarding the opinion that getting sexually involved with someone in a work related environment is bad news. There are all sorts of ways that can blow up in your face........
At my husband's former workplace, there were rules in place to try to keep stuff like this from happening, but it was pretty rampant, anyway. My husband's ex was his co-worker, and she cheated on him with at least two co-workers, one of whom she left my husband for and eventually married, (they got investigated for some of what they were doing because of stuff happening during work hours), and she definitely wasn't the only one who did it.

Some places of employment can be pretty incestuous--for lack of a better word--and dysfunctional. Kinda like some gyms, at least from what I've heard. I don't see how it can be a healthy work environment, but I've never worked at a job where the prospect of fucking any of my co-workers was even remotely appealing.
 
Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?

Don't do it! It will bite you in the ass in so many ways! Take the wife on a romantic weekend get away. How would you feel if your wife was cheating when you were? Perhaps an open marriage is an option? Get a therapist for you and for her. Are you looking forward to get a divorce?
 
to add to what others have said here (if you are still considering this): 1. imagine you just found out your wife has been fucking another guy, what follows? 2. kids, money, house... adultery makes it all hers, and you've already shot yourself in the foot by asking for advice on this forum, a divorce lawyer will find this once they start looking, even if you go ahead and delete your account now. yea it's a thrill, but really, just turn the lights off, fuck your wife, and picture that other girl, if you must.
 
is she your office mate? if that's the case then you don't have to worry that much. Approach her in a very polite way :)
 
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