An Unlikely Affair (closed for Initiate_me)

"After Deb had been so good with my kids at the gallery the day you were there, I wanted to see her again, and since I was off and she was working, I decided to go visit her at the gallery. That's when the couple came in to buy the LeGarre. She asked me to go talk with them, to see if I could find out what their intentions were as far as placing it where other art lovers could see it. So I did, and you know what the result was."

I could tell she was upset, and I knew we had to have this conversation at some point if we should decide to spend more time together. So I figured there was no time like the present.

I looked into her beautiful eyes, and with all the sincerity I could muster, said, "Clarissa, Deb is a great girl and I think we could be friends, especially seeing how she was with my kids. BUT - I'm not here tonight because I want to be with Deb. I'm here because I want to be your friend - and hopefully even more."
 
It seemed a lot to hear, suddenly that he'd been at my gallery and I'd never known. Did Deb have other secrets? Could I really trust her? I felt uneasy and I didn't want to be suspicious of her and I was suspicious of her.

"Did you sleep with her?" I asked without intending to and I immediately wished I hadn't. Crass and needless and rude. And none of my business. I blushed but couldn't quite bring myself to take it back.
 
I had tried to anticipate every possible course of action our conversation might take this evening, but I had left that question out - I guess she was a little upset all right. I started to do a slow burn, and knew all I had to mention was my "rescue" of her to let her know that was an inappropriate question to ask me. But I didn't want to be that guy tonight.

"At this time, I am not having sex with anybody. Believe it or not, I happen to like other parts of relationships with women, and that includes non-sexual activities. Helping to sell one painting isn't going to push me to have sex with anyone."

I thought I had kept my temper well enough, but for some reason I felt compelled to try and understand this. "Why did you think you needed to ask me that question? Do you think I'm just playing both of you against each other, trying to get both of you in my bed?"

And then I thought again, and wished I had just kept my mouth shut. "Wait - don't answer that. I didn't want this evening to go where I'm afraid it's headed. I just wanted a nice quiet conversation with someone who I thought was my friend. I'm sorry I said what I did - can we move on?"
 
I waited a few moments and wanted to say something clever and cutting but not petty but nothing good came to me so I said "Sure, that's fine," and just that.

I wanted to ask what he thought of her but it seemed like it would be an irritating question. I wanted to ask a lot of things but I had still some restraint.

"Have you been reading the news, about my father?"
 
"No, I guess I don't see much news. It's good, I hope."

Would I ever be able to read her? I was a little surprised that she would discuss her father. Maybe that meant she was already bored with me. What could I do to pick things up?
 
I tried to read his face but it wasn't easy. If he did know about my father's brewing disgrace then he was hiding it very well. It wasn't front page news, although it had started to gather an unhappy amount of press coverage.

I felt I was suffocating the conversation. Too much judgement, too much suspicion. I felt I should introduce a lighter topic but what I really wanted was advice and interesting words.

"What would you do, if you were me?"
 
Leaving behind information about her father's news probably meant it wasn't good news, and I could see where Clarissa might really facing some unknown things that might affect her family's control of the company. I started with that angle.

"If your father is facing bad news, I think it's fine to be loyal to him, but I'm not sure his loyalty will carry to you. In that case, I think you need to start figuring out how you're going to protect yourself is something comes down. The men in your family don't give you nearly enough credit - they treat you like an afterthought.

"But I've always thought your gallery was a fantastic place, and watching the joy on the faces of that couple who bought the LeGarre...I've never seen anything like it. And it was you that made that happen. I think galleries like yours in other metropolitan areas would mean that before too long, you would be one of the most well-known art dealers in the states. If you gallery is tied in any way to your dad's holdings, cut the cord so it doesn't go down with the ship."
 
It was a direct and honest and quite sensible assessment.

"He's not facing bad news, he is the bad news. I'm so sick of him." I turned my head to look at a pair of old men I often saw here, friends talking in low warm voices with the touching masculine affection evident.

"I don't know if I can separate the gallery from him. I'm not sure what the contractual logistics are. I could afford to buy it out, but it might not be as simple as that. A lot of me just wants to walk away from it, even though I can't put my finger on anything else that I actually care about."

I shook my head and was angry, angry with myself and with all of these thoughts. "I'm twenty-five and life shouldn't be this way. I've had everything material handed to me.... and it's just not enough. The people in my life who should love me walk right through me. Do you know what I mean?"
 
She was searching for something...unfortunately what she was describing was too close to where I was with those in my life.

"I think I know what you are saying, but from the other side, and I'm not very proud of it. There's not a single reason why I still shouldn't be married, except I don't love her, and it's not fair to either of us to live a lie. So I guess I'm telling you that I'm the one that walks away from those they should love."

I paused to let that sink into my heart and soul, wondering what Clarissa thought about it, but not really wanting her to tell me, for fear it wouldn't come out well.

So instead, I offered this thought - "Do you know what I think we both need? I think we need to try living our lives for US for a while, instead of someone else. Why am I always worried about what other people think of me? Why do you let your dad control you, when you are old enough to be deciding on things for yourself? Why are we so easy to manipulate?"
 
Last edited:
"I don't know the answer to that," I said and I meant it and it was true. "I don't think you should feel guilty about your ex-wife. Not being in love with someone is a perfect reason not to be with them. I don't think you can suppress that, not for long anyway. It would just come out a bit later on, probably in an uglier form."

The waitress was coming back to see what we'd like next and I was glad, needed another drink and it was a bad need but I didn't feel bad.

"You're right. It would be nice to live like that for a while. I'm not sure how but I'd like to give it a go." I was taken by a sudden smile and the irresistible urge to wink at him and I did wink at him and I said "Are you going to show me how?"
 
The smile and the wink got to me - it told me that the Clarissa I always was eager to see was here. She was opening herself up to me, and I was ready to do the same.

"I think we're going to have to show each other, because frankly I'm not sure how to just be myself either, but I know it sounds great."

Just then a mischievous thought crossed my mind. "Tell you what, you know this place fairly well. Normally I'm a red meat and potatoes guy, but I want to try something. What seafood dish would you recommend for someone like me?"

With that, I smiled and winked back at her.
 
I smiled at Joe as the waitress stopped at our table. My glass was refilled with the wine and she waited patiently for instructions.

"I count seafood as meat Joe, and I don't touch it," I said with raised eyebrows. I would recommend to you the tempeh with sauteed potatoes and couscous salad and kimchi. It's the very best available."
 
I knew what potatoes were, but the other words were out of my vocabulary. But this was about us tonight, and I had told her to order for me. So I looked at the waitress and said, "I'll have what she suggested." The waitress smirked a little and nodded. Perhaps she could tell I was in over my head.

I turned to Clarissa and said, "This is going to be a new experience for me - one of many new experiences I hope we can share together."
 
It sounded like there was more to that. I quite wanted to know.

"And what are some of the other ones, Joe?"
 
"Nothing in particular.....okay, confession time. I LIKE being with you. I like having you as a friend. I've never known anybody quite like you - and that's a compliment, believe me. I know we've had moments that we didn't handle very well. But I still enjoy being your friend, and I hope that continues."

I wasn't sure what she was going to say next, but I knew I was going to listen to every word.
 
They were big words and felt big. I'd never been too good at making friends and holding them was even harder. I knew I could use another friend, someone to share with and someone to talk with. Really talk with.

"I.... I like you too Joe. You seem to be a truly honest person. I'd love to learn how to be that myself."
 
"Who do you think you're not honest with? Do you think it would be easier to learn to be honest with someone else? Or do you think you need to learn to be honest to yourself?"

I let that sink in for a little bit...for her, as well as for me, and then without giving her a chance to answer, I asked another question.

"Do you think you could be honest with me, as a start? Because I've told you some things tonight that I'm not sure I could have said before. Yet for some reason I feel like I can share with you tonight, and I like it a lot."
 
We looked at each other and I smiled a genuine smile.

"I think I can do that, yes. It'll be nice to drop the pretence, at least for a while." I felt more adventurous with the alcohol. "Do you ever think about our kiss? And what more we might have done?"
 
I looked down at the table. In the past, I've always felt I needed to be guarded with what I said to her, but tonight, I was trying to drop that practice.

"Yes, I tried to think about it often, but those thoughts were always followed by the thought of the pain after."

I looked up at her again - her eyes captured me. "Just to help me remember, maybe we should recreate the kiss?"
 
I smiled back at him and I knew this was what I'd been looking for.

"I think that's a good idea. But can we go outside? I'm not too into public affection, you know? Or we could.... drive over to my place?" I pretended to examine my nails and waited for his reply.
 
Was I ready to go back to her apartment again? Yes....yes I was.

"I think not only is that a good idea, but I think I even remember the way to get there!"

I looked up at her, and thought I saw a genuine smile. Relax, I told myself - don't get ahead of your expectations for the evening. Things are going very well - don't get pushy or you might see things collapse.

I stood up, and walked over behind her chair to pull it back as she stood. Walking with her to the door, I realized it had been a long time since I had felt this good. So far I had been able to block the fact that in the real world, our paths would likely never cross again. So far, I had enjoyed a nice evening with a lovely girl named Clarissa. I hoped that could continue.
 
Back
Top