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Boyfriend wants an open relationship

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spicedchaigirl

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I'm a divorced 31-year old and have been with my bf for 2 years. Since my divorce, and especially meeting my bf my sexuality has BLOOMED. I can't believe how much I was missing out on, lol. Anyway, recently bf and I had a talk on whether we should explore an open relationship.

Long story short, when we got together I knew he was seeing a couple other women. One was super casual, and the other a little committed (have since broken up). Bf has told me he has no problems with me seeing other men (or women, something he'd like me to explore as well).

TBH the idea has me really excited. He's not very jealous at all and neither am I. When his other gf came over to spend the night, they'd invite me for a 3some and I was totally game. I'm okay with exploring other woman sexually but I don't have any experience with 2 or more men. Honestly, because of my uptight, super strict upbringing, I've only had sex with 2 men my entire life. The divorce was probably the best thing that happened to me, for so many reasons.

Has anyone ever explored this? My bf and I have a stable, healthy relationship and we communicate openly. He's in his 40's.
 
I'm sensing here that you are anxious that two men together would expect to 'use' you for their own prowess and gratification or something? Yeah, that is an option if agreed.

But far more likely, isn't it, that your bf's intention would be to double up the pleasuring available for you, and he and the other guy you bring in to the play would have their delight in your delight, and the availability to your desires of four hands and two mouths and two cocks and the proximity of masculine form around you and against you in the ways that you desire and encourage and invite and in no other ways?

Speaking from nil experience myself, that is the best kind of mfm as I imagine it. If the guys are into bi play then, again, it's a 'less pressure' situation for the woman, but by prior agreement it can be 'less pressure' either way.
 
suckonsimon said:
I'm sensing here that you are anxious that two men together would expect to 'use' you for their own prowess and gratification or something? Yeah, that is an option if agreed.

But far more likely, isn't it, that your bf's intention would be to double up the pleasuring available for you, and he and the other guy you bring in to the play would have their delight in your delight, and the availability to your desires of four hands and two mouths and two cocks and the proximity of masculine form around you and against you in the ways that you desire and encourage and invite and in no other ways?

Speaking from nil experience myself, that is the best kind of mfm as I imagine it. If the guys are into bi play then, again, it's a 'less pressure' situation for the woman, but by prior agreement it can be 'less pressure' either way.
Click to expand...

I was thinking both. I'm anxious because my experience with men is low, but bf says I would do just fine. He's into joining me and another man, or having me be with another man, or whatever I want. Bf's suggested having sex with a guy he's loosely acquainted with for NSA to help me relax, and I'm thinking it might help.

The first time I had a 3some with 2 women (one of them was former gf), I was anxious and learned to relax and really enjoy it.
 
sounds like you are in a good relationship. turn your messenger on and let's talk more
 
If you're comfortable and he's comfortable, go for it, but I think there is more here than you are thinking. I think you can have sex with multiple partners, but sooner or later feelings are going to come into play. Even if one of you aren't jealous, you have to think about the other partners too. It can get complicated very quickly.

That being said, if you need another guy, PM me and I'll do my best to help. ;)
 
spicedchaigirl said:
I'm a divorced 31-year old and have been with my bf for 2 years. Since my divorce, and especially meeting my bf my sexuality has BLOOMED. I can't believe how much I was missing out on, lol. Anyway, recently bf and I had a talk on whether we should explore an open relationship.

Long story short, when we got together I knew he was seeing a couple other women. One was super casual, and the other a little committed (have since broken up). Bf has told me he has no problems with me seeing other men (or women, something he'd like me to explore as well).

TBH the idea has me really excited. He's not very jealous at all and neither am I. When his other gf came over to spend the night, they'd invite me for a 3some and I was totally game. I'm okay with exploring other woman sexually but I don't have any experience with 2 or more men. Honestly, because of my uptight, super strict upbringing, I've only had sex with 2 men my entire life. The divorce was probably the best thing that happened to me, for so many reasons.

Has anyone ever explored this? My bf and I have a stable, healthy relationship and we communicate openly. He's in his 40's.
Click to expand...

If you want to know where his mind is? Is it open or really self serving? Fuck another guy and tell him about it with the rationale only what you want it to be and see what happens. Not trying to stir up shit but seems like we see this all the time. He is doing well if he has a hard time finding one woman to play with you two but you can pull six guys - oh well fun time gang bang for you? Open the door if you like just make sure it's open for you too.
 
SlutAddicted said:
If you want to know where his mind is? Is it open or really self serving? Fuck another guy and tell him about it with the rationale only what you want it to be and see what happens. Not trying to stir up shit but seems like we see this all the time. He is doing well if he has a hard time finding one woman to play with you two but you can pull six guys - oh well fun time gang bang for you? Open the door if you like just make sure it's open for you too.
Click to expand...

Well, I did know he was seeing other women when we got together and while we've been together...there are no problems from me. He isn't forcing me to consider an open relationship, more like a poly, and I don't think he's got "gang bangs" in mind. He's made it clear the door *is* open for me. If I thought he was self-serving, I wouldn't have gotten with him from the start. I guess I'm a little confused about your response?
 
I own the pussy and I make the rules in relation to my sex. Start from there. Use that power carefully but be clear - it's part of the nature of males that you as a woman can get fucked more easily. That doesn't fit well with most guys' view of how they want an open relationship to work so it is important to not let him set the tone for what is supposed to work for you.

It is part of the nature of an open relationship that your other partners offer something unique. It is just a matter of time before he perceives that one of your other boyfriends is "better" in some way and it will be true. It may be as harmless as the other man is a better date for fancy dinners because he enjoys them more or it may be something that brings out his insecurities. I remember a thread on here a while ago where a man made the point that he was ok if his wife dated other guys as long as he always knew he was the best lover she had ever had.....but there is no way he or she can know that will always be the case.

Be clear and unafraid to enjoy what and whom you want and demand that he not try to influence those decisions in a way that suits him.
 
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my wife and I have an open relationship and it can be wonderful but you also have to be careful of each others ego. it can be a lot of fun but there is also the possibility for disasters if you don't keep the lines of communication open and honest. If you'd like to chat in detail and ask me anything feel free to PM
 
I think you should try it, I did and have loved it ever since

spicedchaigirl said:
I'm a divorced 31-year old and have been with my bf for 2 years. Since my divorce, and especially meeting my bf my sexuality has BLOOMED. I can't believe how much I was missing out on, lol. Anyway, recently bf and I had a talk on whether we should explore an open relationship.

Long story short, when we got together I knew he was seeing a couple other women. One was super casual, and the other a little committed (have since broken up). Bf has told me he has no problems with me seeing other men (or women, something he'd like me to explore as well).

TBH the idea has me really excited. He's not very jealous at all and neither am I. When his other gf came over to spend the night, they'd invite me for a 3some and I was totally game. I'm okay with exploring other woman sexually but I don't have any experience with 2 or more men. Honestly, because of my uptight, super strict upbringing, I've only had sex with 2 men my entire life. The divorce was probably the best thing that happened to me, for so many reasons.

Has anyone ever explored this? My bf and I have a stable, healthy relationship and we communicate openly. He's in his 40's.[/

I think every one should embrace and enjoy their sexuality and desires. You both sound as tho you are in a really nice secure relationship. Jealousy is the big potential danger but you both sound mature and sensible. You'll stop if there seems to be a problem.
Finding the right partners is the key component, so take your time. Also explore your bisexual desires, it's very liberating and incredibly pleasurable. My gf and I are both bi and we love enjoying 1 and1 sex and 3sum sex with our friends. We are also both very polyamorous and for us that intensifies the pleasure be it a mfm with one of our male friends or a ffm with one of our girlfriends.
Be brave I'm im sure you will love it. Jim
Click to expand...
 
JTS4jo said:
my wife and I have an open relationship and it can be wonderful but you also have to be careful of each others ego. it can be a lot of fun but there is also the possibility for disasters if you don't keep the lines of communication open and honest. If you'd like to chat in detail and ask me anything feel free to PM
Click to expand...

This is good advice. I think my ego is the one to be careful of (bf's ego has more to do with cars, lol). I'll definitely have to do more reading on poly sites about managing egos and jealousy.
 
spicedchaigirl said:
Well, I did know he was seeing other women when we got together and while we've been together...there are no problems from me. He isn't forcing me to consider an open relationship, more like a poly, and I don't think he's got "gang bangs" in mind. He's made it clear the door *is* open for me. If I thought he was self-serving, I wouldn't have gotten with him from the start. I guess I'm a little confused about your response?
Click to expand...

I guess what I was getting at is that I think that when guys are inclined to pursue non-exclusive relationships we often focus more on what we want our female partner to enjoy than on her actual fulfillment. I was being sarcastic about the gang bang but I was getting at the notion that it is a good idea to test his commitment to what he says he wants.

If he wants an open relationship wherein you are free to date other guys is he able to let you pursue that in a way that suits you without sticking his nose into who you date or what you do with them. There is a fine line between laying down some ground rules for the benefit of your relationship and using those rules to try to orchestrate certain outcomes. For instance, you said you enjoyed a MFF threesome. Would he indulge a MMF threesome? What if you had sex with two other guys and he wasn't part of it (not because you are trying to exclude him but because that is the way it worked out)?

Does his attitude change based upon how he perceives that he compares to another man you might date? Can he deal with the fact that you may choose another partner primarily based upon characteristics that he doesn't have - not because the other man is "better" but because you like variety. If your man is shy and introverted you may date another man who is notably extroverted because that is a different social experience for you. And it isn't unusual to want different approaches to sex - one man is best at tender sensual love-making and another is raw, rough and dirty.

I think that part of the goal of communication is to ascertain whether he really is able to embrace your freedom and fulfillment as much as his own. And ultimately you may not really know until you do start dating other men.
 
I also have to agree with policywanks take on things. You are the one who will be in control no matter what he thinks so make your decisions wisely and keep his feelings in mind, he will get very pissed if things turn backwards on him. It did not happen to me my wife is always respectful of my feelings but I have seen it happen to other couples.
 
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