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Why are you submissive?

So I am the Dom my wife is the sub. I use to be and only a sub before i met mt wife. When we first met we did not know each other had been into BDSM for years. When coming out,we chose for me to turn Dom. I am learning on the fly. We both have extreme feelings/desires for BDSM, but we for the most part leave it for the bedroom. My question as a sub, and as a extreme tolerance (pain,and roles) to achieve orgasm. What are some ideas, i of course use what i know just wanted to get some more.
 
Nature I think. My personality makes it hard for me to let go willingly, and I'm not able to take control. So the best way to experience new things and discover my limits would be to put myself in the hands of someone else.
 
I am a very submissive sissy. I love to serve and provide pleasure with no concern to mine. My Daddy has named me " this cum slut" because that is all I am. Daddy wanted all of Lit to know this
 
For me, I think it has something to do with the compulsion to feel vulnerable, like walking blindfolded at the edge of the roof. Like the majority, I spend a lot of effort trying to be cautious and careful to avoid danger, but as a Cocksucker I risk my marriage and reputation to perform an act considered by many to be shameful and perverted. I allow highly embarrassing pictures to be taken of me clearly featuring my face looking straight at the camera while I'm down on my knees having a big cock savagely stuffed deep into my throat. These compromising images of me have been posted online and passed around God knows how many times, If anyone I know were to see these pictures I'd be immediately recognized and forever exposed as being the insatiable and compulsive Cocksucker I truly am. It excites me to know that I'm courting disaster by encouraging other men to shamefully "use" me this way.
 
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Although I identify as a switch, I'm definitely more submissive. I've known I'm that way for a long while... even if not in a sexual way. Imprisonment in films would attract me, wrapping myself up in tight blankets was comforting and tingly. :rolleyes: All of that. Eventually I finally experimented with some porn, some erotica, and it all became pretty clear. It was never really a surprise.

As for why, I guess just nature. I can't think of any experiences that caused it for me. As for my switch tendancies to be a domme, that was inspired... but that's not for here!
 
It feels natural for me and is an outlet and means of relaxation. I naturally get off on being vulnerable and freely giving myself to pleasure a Dominating man.
 
I have not experienced it yet. However, There is just something about being controlled and letting go. I don't have to make any decisions. I just have to do what I'm told. I think it would feel great to be dominated.
 
As one who is very Dominant, it is fascinating to read these responses. I love watching my subs enter into a state of blissful relaxation. I am turned on by seeing how they respond, how they melt, how they burn with desire under my firm hand.
 
"I was trying to make people understand, that at least for some folks, this was a fairly natural state. And instead of skulking around about it that we'd all do better to avoid the deceit and be honest. " John Perry Barlow
 
srgreene said:
I found your comment both familiar and foreign. I too am submissive, and have come to accept that as an integral part of who I am. At the same time, it has caused me a certain amount of embarrassment, loss of self-respect and respect from others, particularly when I was younger.

But being restrained is something I've only done once, and it was not a pleasant experience, although there was excitement in it. I did panic, although I did not resort to the "safe" phrase that I am confident could have ended it, and, if nothing else, panic prevents enjoyment. I had expected to be thoroughly "inspected" and lightly tormented by the men involved, but had not anticipated submitting to pulling (a short) train. Nevertheless, I recall that time as one of my more memorable sexual experiences.
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Bondage isn't for everyone. I always describe bondage as being the extreme sport of BDSM - it's that same rush. You know you are in safe hands but your hind brain doesn't understand that - in exactly the same way as you know you are in safe hands when you jump out of a plane with an instructor strapped to your back (a chute would help in this scenario too!).

It would only take a slip in judgement or control on the part of the dominant and you wouldn't be able to stop it...so for all us danger bunnies that translates into letting go, flowing with it. If you can't fight it you can accept it. So you end up with an odd feeling of both adrenaline and peace all at the same time - it's a heady and addictive mix :)
 
That is just how I am with my Master; it is a dynamic we fell into very quickly into talking to one another, more so after we met. I am innately a switch, but he very much is the only one who gets my submission readily and eagerly.
 
I'm very controlling and disciplined in my work and home life, so getting to retreat into a sub role gives me an outlet to let go of that desire to control and move into a space where all I need is to be controlled. I get to stop thinking about making everything perfect, and just focus on being a good girl and doing what I'm told.
 
I am not submissive by default. Across four relationships I have been a Domme twice, then a submissive and now a sub-slave/switch. Which means that while I identify happily as a switch, the only person that I submit to is my Master/other half. Other people get either deference, neutral politeness or to see my mildly more dominant side depending on what sort of disposition they give off.
 
I am submissive because

i want to be a creampie cleaner for a dom lady.
 
I'm only submissive in regard to being a Cocksucker. In all other situations I'm very assertive and independent.
 
Because...

When the knot gets tied, or at the first slap, or when I get on my knees I can mentally relax. There's no decision for me to make, and I only have to focus on pleasing and nothing else.
 
http://www.fanboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/anime-microphone.jpg

Hm ? Oh, it's my turn. *Takes the microphone* What ? Me nervous. Hah - yes, I suppose I am. But that's why I'm here, right ? To discuss why I am submissive. And perhaps to understand submissive people in general and the psychology behind it.

Submissive people to me is much a lifestyle choice. As if you decide you are straight or gay or lesbian or what have you.

By being submissive, at least to me, it's a great adventure. You do not have to plan things in your life and other people do it for you. Every day is a wonderful thing because SOMEONE has you figured out, knows what you like, knows what you don't like, and in essence, it's a type of mutual manipulation.

They get what they want, someone that follows them. You get what you want. Someone to follow.

I think I want to emphasize that choosing to be submissive is NOT a weakness, it is a choice, like anything else. You decide that you want someone else to tell you what to do. And often not just in life, but sexually too.

Some people get off on a power trip sexually by controlling others. I do not. As I was horribly bullied by girls back in elementary, I think I learned rather early what the STOCKHOLM SYNDROME was.

My reward ? A girl would hold my hand. Their reward ? They could drag me in the girl's restroom, in one of the toilet stalls, dunk my head in there and flush it and play and tickle my private parts and laugh at them and the way I felt when they did it every Wednesday after lunch.

I really didn't care that they were violating my rights and boundaries as a human, so long as this one girl, I remember her very well, Sharon, she would hold my hand.

http://www.writerscafe.org/uploads/rte/14d7a995d29b12b4e4503df5e801057e.png

Maybe that doesn't seem like much, but when you are that young, someone holding your hand means everything. To me today it is the greatest and strongest act of self expression. For it represents support, friendship, trust, affection, intimacy, and yes, even love.

And if your parents aren't very loving of you and you get SOME degree of acceptance at school, someone holding your hand for instance, by girls in elementary, and by jocks in high school, it can make all the difference in the world.

And maybe - I'm getting off subject. But to me at the time it meant everything. And when you are bullied like this, into doing things you would not normally do on your own, you really don't think much about it. And because you don't think much of it, that is a strong indicator right there that you are a submissive person.

I first met Rose years ago when I was 19 and she was 38. I found out rather quickly she was a dominatrix, and apparently a fairly experienced one at that.

She not only told me I was submissive but by me telling her about past bullying with boys at school and the awkward situations I got into, she said that I was in the oral, anal and phallic stage of my sexual growth and that it didn't look like I would be leaving either anytime soon.

So I would be sexually stunted for the rest of my life, never to achieve the final stage of psychological growth, becoming an adult. Something I believe is inherent in all submissive people, both men and women.

So I would do pretty well anything to please her, so long as she touched or caressed me in an intimate or sexual way.

http://www.writerscafe.org/uploads/rte/4ad189917f762ff7ad3cb56c0f5bec2a.png

There was the cat of 9-tails, the spanking, the whipping, the strap-on for her, all of these things, including bloodletting with razors.

There was also the dressing up. She would buy girl's underclothes for me and make me wear them, and then as she would tickle me sexually until I couldn't take anymore of it and climaxed. And then she would laugh and tell me what a sissy I was, and then play with me some more.

And - I guess after you hear it long enough from your dominant partner, including bullies from school in the past, telling you that you are a sissy or a faggot or a lezzie or rug muncher or what have you - after awhile - you start to believe them.

When I went to work for the government, I had a very dominant boss and she was very controlling of me, even to the point I had to see her for permission to use the one restroom that was assigned for me. I just exuded timidness wherever I went, even to today.

So where does this leave submissive people today ?

We are a meek and quiet people. You can take us by the hand and lead us into things we normally wouldn't go into. But it's in our nature, to be accepting and to be trusting of the one who leads us, especially if they show an extreme dominant nature, not just in sex, but in life in general.

And there will always be dominant people. I can definitely see that. Dominant people I believe are the ALPHA in their sex. They are in their prime, the wolf amongst sheep, they take charge and control, they take what they want.

And what better person they would LOVE to have sex and tease sexually than the submissive person ? Why ? There is little chance of an argument and they can usually get just what they want, no matter how demoralizing it might be for the submissive.

So the question boils down to, is it possible that someone is submissive BECAUSE of sexual abuse, both physical and psychological, they have received when they are younger ? And perhaps being raised by parents who really were very controlling themselves and expected submissive and obedient children ?

I would have to say yes, yes I fully believe this. I can't think of any other reason someone would be submissive.

Thus, submissive people IMHO are created by people who were abused in their youth, or were not encouraged to stand up for themselves, by parents who were strict and would take no backtalk.

And that leaves you - a sissy, if you will, submissive and compliant.

And dominant people IMHO are those who are the ALPHA in their species and crave to sexually control the submissive.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/98/e9/fc/98e9fc57cf66e0fc39ebb12725f430f6.jpg

And we, as the submissive people, we will yield - and we will let them.
 
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I am submissive because I love to make people happy. That is the source of my own happiness. I like to be controlled and told what to
Do without worrying.

I like giving control. This not only in my feelings towards me but for
Others as well. For example, I love the idea of my mom being used by strangers (no incest at all. Also my mom enjoying it as a slut) and the humiliation coming from
That. Even in that fantasy, I would love to give the power to strangers.
 
Wow what a great thread. Like others have said it's in my nature I guess. Put me in a sexual situation with another man and I will do what I can to please him.
 
This is an interesting topic and a great thread to read. I often feel that life and circumstances thrust me into a role I was never meant to have. My job makes being submissive impossible neither am I very submissive in my everyday home life. I often think that it is a mask I wear everyday that I give to the world. When I can let that go and turn myself over to Him it is like lifting a weight off and I can now feel free.

And the kinky stuff is fun too.
 
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sterculius said:
For me, I think it has something to do with the compulsion to feel vulnerable, like walking blindfolded at the edge of the roof. Like the majority, I spend a lot of effort trying to be cautious and careful to avoid danger, but as a Cocksucker I risk my marriage and reputation to perform an act considered by many to be shameful and perverted. I allow highly embarrassing pictures to be taken of me clearly featuring my face looking straight at the camera while I'm down on my knees having a big cock savagely stuffed deep into my throat. These compromising images of me have been posted online and passed around and If anyone I know were to see these pictures I'd be forever exposed as being the insatiable and compulsive Cocksucker I truly am. It excites me to know that I'm courting disaster by encouraging other men to "use" me this way.
Click to expand...

I don't think I would allow any submissive in my presence to put herself in such danger even if she wanted to. There are other consequences. I am not a demanding person and would not demand this of her. If she insisted or found such pleasure elsewhere I would probably (and reluctantly) bid farewell. I could play a lot of roles and games with a sub but there are still limits.
 
my thoughts on submission

It took me a long time (decades) to identify as a submissive, though looking back, I believe I have actually been sexually submissive my whole life. In my public life, I am a powerful, capable, competent, take-charge person. A leader both in my professional and volunteer work - often identified as a leader of work groups, or elected to leadership. I am comfortable in these roles and tend to have a no nonsense, practical approach. I demand excellence from myself and from others. I am good at long- range planning and co-ordination, problem solving and "big picture" thinking. Many people rely on me to be the smart one... the talented one... the one with ideas and plans and energy to get it all done. Type A over- achiever.

Even within the context of my public life though, I have always liked to know and understand "the rules" (from board games to constitutional law). I have always appreciated boundaries. Having others give me positive feedback for my efforts (in one form or another) has always been essential to my happiness. (good grades, good performance reviews, good outcomes from my work etc). I believe these are part of my "submissive" character traits expressing themselves when I otherwise appear to be a dominant personality.

As to kink and D/s: I am submissive in my marriage and in my sexual relationship in my marriage because I need it and it seems to just be how I am made. It is such a relief to be able to give it all up to him when I am home/in his presence. That I don't have to be in control - and in fact that I am not allowed to be in control - and not just in the bedroom. I love that he gives me rules and boundaries; tasks and obligations to please him. That it is not about me.

I can trust him to take care of me. He has my best interests at heart and will protect me even when I can't see my way clear to what that path is.
He gives me exactly what I need and when he exerts control over me it has a cleansing effect on me. Clears my brain in a way that nothing else can and gives me a clarity of spirit that frees my soul. Unclutters the worry and anxiety. The safety and satiety of being dominated is necessary for my psyche as a submissive. That he possesses me... owns me... controls me. Sigh. :)

This has nothing to do with being "damaged" or "abused". In fact, I believe that in some ways, at least for me, it takes more clarity of mind and strength of spirit in this modern era of equality (to which I subscribe as a public person) to live a private kinky submissive collared life than to simply deny one's needs to be submissive. To manage the cognitive dissonance and not feel as if I am betraying my gender and hard -fought principles when I find myself so inexplicably aroused as he binds, spanks and leashes me. I have learned to believe my body and what it needs rather than my brain and what I "think" I "should" want/need.

As a woman who has come to understand what I need, as opposed to what I am supposed to want - I am grateful to be partnered with a man who is able to be the Dom I need and who both allows me and demands me serve him as his collared submissive. :heart:

http://41.media.tumblr.com/156c0f1d659563f71a8ba4b250b220b1/tumblr_miwmvzPDnf1s1w4npo1_500.jpg
 
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