FAWC 5: Line, Please!

If he has any self respect he'll hide it.

JAMESBJOHNSON said:

If he has any self respect he'll hide it.

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And if we're lucky, he'll do it up your ass.

no need for apologies

Slyc, no need for any apologies; my own damn fault that I didn't realize .doc files would not need the html mark-ups.

Regarding The Sex Manual, as many noted, I ran out of time to flesh it out properly and so it was rushed (work and related travel interfered). In fact, I am treating it as more of an outline for something bigger, and will try to make that happen in Camp NaNoWriMo in July. lt is the first time I have ever tried my hand at sci-fi, and the first time I tried to write from a male POV. Anyway, I'm glad it wasn't laughed out of the competition.

Thanks for all those of you who left comments on it - I will be taking those seriously as I re-write it.

BTW, to PennLady I think - in 2001, women were 21 years on average when having their first baby, in 2008, it increased to 25, and now I am sure the age of first pregnancies is higher still. This means that human generations are getting longer. For a 25-yr generation time, 40 generations would be equivalent to 1000 years. So for natural selection to have its effects on human populations, 40 or more generations is not outlandishly long, but it may not take that long. It's something I need to work out better in the final version.

I'll post more comments on others' stories later today and in the next couple of days.

AMoveableBeast said:

And if we're lucky, he'll do it up your ass.

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If he's THAT good maybe, if he's a Democrat statistician maybe not. His stuff doesn't grab me so I assume he's better at math than writing.

Note to Aynmair: I would have guessed Sex Manual for you, because it reminded me so much of this season of Orphan Black, especially with the use of the name Helena, and I remember you responding in my Orphan Black thread. Nice homage!

I read True Oracle today, finally, and I would have attributed it to Slyc. Not only because of the sci-fi, fantasy setting, but because Slyc writes his best when he is in the genre, I think. I also think his writing just gets better and better. I loved True Oracle, and I can't wait to read more of Slyc's writing. (I had some issues with the story, though, and I will relate those in a comment when I can.)

So ... my slightly disastrous submission was Mesmerized. I wanted to write a mostly straightforward ghost story, but with the under theme of a skeptic, Clara, being slowly influenced to let go of her control and inhibitions, and Shawn (I guess I should change her name, it threw so many people off!) the believer, having a hard time believing what is going on. Throw in an a power hungry medium and away we go!

Unfortunately, time was not my friend, and I had a lot of work and family obligation thrown at me a the last minute. I think the beginning is pretty good, and I'm obviously foreshadowing some thing happening between Shawn and Clara, which alas, never does. The story was supposed to take place over the course of at least a week, but I ran out of time and had to tack the end right onto the beginning, with none of the middle actually happening on the page.

I also ran into trouble when I lost a page and a half and had to rewrite it, and when halfway through and 2 hours from the deadline I realized it needed to be in 1st person, and I was writing it in 3rd person.

I obviously missed some of those instances where the tense needed to be changed, and I didn't have time to edit or even proof thoroughly. I submitted it so quickly, when I went back and read it, I wanted to pull it, because there were so many errors, but friends convinced me not to. I do appreciate all of the helpful comments and positive feedback I got on it, especially as regards the opening, and the sex scene. One of the reasons I didn't want to submit it is that I was worried everyone would be so distracted by the errors and rushed ending that they wouldn't be able to leave constructive criticism on the actual story or plot elements, like they might if I had written it properly. But a few commented that there were some stumbles in the beginning, with the eye winking, and wondering what Shawn hoped to get out of the seance, and wondering why Annalise was there, what her angle was. And that was really helpful, I realized that was not as clear as it needed to be.

I plan to pull the story when the contest is over and rewrite it for the Halloween contest. So, anyone who is curious can check it out then!

Thanks again for all of the reads and the votes and the constructive comments. Much appreciated.

From all the mea culpas I'm reading it looks like I got close to the target.

My second story, “Lorelei’s Call,” was just that, the second one written and written to contrast with the first one I wrote, “Knife, Book, and Hankie.” "Lorelei" got written because I slammed the other one out quickly and then got bored with waiting for the FAWC exercise submission period to end. Among other contrasts, it was written to try to illustrate that you can write a full story on one Lit. page (in this case, three-quarters of a Lit. page). A few commenters agreed. (Primarily Stigoddessfreya, thanks.)

It was a mythological “and what then?” takeoff on the Lorelei myth. (The myth created to explain why so many river ships were piling up on the rocks at a cliffside bend in the Rhine River for a bunch of centuries.) In time, mariners worked out how to bypass the obstacles there, so the Lorelei siren was out of a job. So, what did she do then? “Lorelei’s Call” proposes that she moved across the river and—since the mariners figured her out and there are still mariners—she did a job on wizards. If you do your “enticing to destruction” schtick on enough wizard apprentices, wizards go extinct. Which, of course, they have. *smile*

In his terse comment, “Those sorcerer’s apprentices never listen, do they?” Swilly hit the message of the story on the head (but may not have realized it.) So did Stigoddessfreya (“How do enough magician’s apprentices even survive for us to have new magicians?”) Well, it’s wizards rather than magicians, with wizards having a whole lot more hocus pocus than magicians, much of it nefarious doings, not just a parlor act. And the answer for wizards, provided by this story, is that they didn’t survive. The Lorelei got them. *smile*

Because this is a mythological takeoff on a myth, there were some things I did on purpose that apparently didn’t sell.

There was a flurry of discussion on this story on the historical technicals: the name of the castle, the tower I put on a castle that doesn’t have a high tower, the color of the Lorelei’s hair. In that discussion, I defended the use of “Reinfels,” because it’s one of the spellings in use for that castle, if not the current one. The name spelling I used wasn’t an accident. Since this is a mythological take on a myth, I considered the options and went with the one not in current use and possibly of more ancient German origin. The name use wasn’t an accident or a mistake. I wanted to loosely locate the action while still giving it a myth quality.

Same with adding the high tower. The story wanted a high tower. I didn’t feel bound by the current castle configuration—just the opposite. I wanted to shroud it in myth. I posted at the time that “it had a high tower at one time and the Franks knocked it down one of the times they passed by.” This is a mythical, completely unsupportable answer. Which is OK with me. I was writing a myth—and myths transcend supportable answers.

The hair color of the Lorelei is another matter, though. There was no particular reason why I had her with dark hair (in context, just to contrast her with Lambert). If I’d reviewed deeper into the myth, it’s quite reasonable to hold that the Lorelei was a blond (Teutonic genes and all that). Yes, it would have been better if I’d made her a blond.

The same mythological take on a myth concept covers the characters. I posit that the characters in myths, fairy tales, legends, what have you . . . are meant to be symbolic, not your next-door neighbor. They are not meant to be given full-blown, distinct personalities and traits. Lambert and Ewal are the same character. They have exactly the same reactions, in just about the same wording. That’s not an accident (or inadvertent repetition). It says “I am every young man” in this situation. She’s going to get us all, down through the ages, because this is how every young man responds to her call. This happened to mariners at the bend of the river for centuries and then they wizened up. Now she’s moved indoors to wizards and it’s still working a charm—and will continue to do so, because there are, of course, no wizards anymore. The Lorelei made them extinct. *smile*

Although there were hints of understanding of that in a couple of comments, I failed to turn the light bulb on over the heads of most readers, apparently. (I sort of blame the knee-jerk “understanding” of what characterization is “always” supposed to mean/do in a story. I read as many stories who gussy up characters too much rather as I do that develop significant characters not enough. When I’m able, I want the reader to form his/her own concepts of the character in her/his mind.)

So, no, I think filling the character treatments out on this one would destroy the story and the myth format. Sorry to those who wanted richer characters. I failed to deliver what the story was supposed to be to you.

The long sentences criticism is a legitimate “tell” of my writing. I’m Germanic in my writing. I often do an extra sweep to try to cut up my sentences. I don’t always succeed too well. (Is this one of my style “tells” for you, PL?) But here I let it play through (obviously too much). The long sentence (as well as piled-on word segments) is an early Germanic trait. This was an early Germanic story.

I think it was Blind Justice (right?), on the forum, who said the knife element was underutilized—that it came across as a scalpel. I laughed, because that was so true. I struggled to fit the knife in symbolically and couldn’t think how to put it on the level of everything else. In the end, I tried to give it importance by letting it be the initiator—it’s what moved to the apprenticeses’ hands and initiated the raising of the ever-billowing up handkerchief. Still not too important as an element, though.

On the question of repetition, I’d have to see what was meant. First, myths and fairy tales repeat phrases a lot anyway. Beyond that, certain types of repetition (words/phrases) are part of my writing style. I believe repetition has its literary place—for emphasis and rhythm. It’s used commercially like this. I think those who believe you can’t ever repeat an unusual word in a sentence are locked into their high school English teacher’s “rules.” It depends on what effect and rhythm is purposely being sought. So, I’d have to see what someone was referring to on that comment. Of course, chances are too that they are quite correct.

Thanks everyone for your comments on both "Account for A Bullet" and "Bluetooth."

I had the idea for Bullet first, as soon as I read the prompt. I could see so clearly the handkerchief and knife, the desperate play to match the illustrations in the book against the wounded leg before time ran out, then the long, hidden convalescence. I considered setting it in Prohibition Chicago with the wounded soldier as an undercover detective and the rescuer a tenant in the building where there had been a shootout, too terrified to let anyone know he was in her apartment for fear of reprisal by the bootleggers. I considered making him a pre-D-Day commando doing recon in Normandy, rescued by a woman who was not really part of the Resistance. The problem was communication - there had to be enough reason to keep him hidden for longer than a few days or weeks without contacting outside help to convincingly build the relationship. Going back to The Civil War made it dangerous and desperate enough for both of them for the timing to work.

The Battle of Franklin from the story was a real event, usually cited as the five bloodiest hours of the American Civil War - it was mostly strategically insignificant. Digging up the bodies from the mass graves, going through letters in their pockets to identify them, and reburying them after the War was over in the eventual Confederate cemetery under the oak trees were all things that happened. I visited the site as a child.

What's also true is that I specifically wrote Bullet to see how close I could get to the distinctive, pervasive voice I admired from patientlee's "F/V Lost Agnes," which I thought was utterly brilliant. I'm happy with my work, but I fell far short of the mark.

Since Bullet was written in the first-person perspective of a young, curious, somewhat inexperienced female protagonist, it was very similar to the two other stories I've posted to Lit so far. I have two more I'm working on that are not like that at all, but as a writing exercise I tried to imagine a story as different from Bullet as possible in perspective, tone, and style. What I got was Bluetooth. I don't even remember which parts came to me at which times, though I think the idea of having Connie also be a paying customer was the last thing I added, but from conception to writing was 3-4 days. I'm pleased that the stories were so dissimilar that even people who knew my writing well enough to recognize Bullet as mine never guessed I'd also written Bluetooth. It turned out tight and I was surprised by the number of people who said they thought it was funny. The end turns very dark very quickly and I was expecting that to be less popular with readers.

JAMESBJOHNSON said:

From all the mea culpas I'm reading it looks like I got close to the target.

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I'd actually love to hear your opinion on my story, James. I wasn't as lucky as freya or TTT, I didn't get a personal trashing. I feel left out. I didn't even rate a throw-away comment on the JBJ bursting dreams and droppin' names tour of heartbreak. I'm like Pete Best, over here.

Pilot, I would not have pegged you as the author of Lorelei, probably because it was so short? This is one of the stories I read and voted on, but didn't get a chance to leave a comment because I was reading on my iPad and for some reason it was not letting me leave comments.

I really liked this story! I had not heard of the Lorelei before, but figured she was a german take on the Sirens who wreck ships all over the world. I also didn't see it as overly humorous? Everyone kept saying how funny it was, but maybe I missed it. Maybe if the wizard had been a little more cavalier in his realization that he needed new apprentices. Or maybe it's just me.

This story also renewed in my the desire for the next FAWC contest to be one where everyone has to write a one pager. I love a shortie short!

I also meant to thank you, Pilot, for saying you thought Mesmerized was in your top three. I appreciate it.

AMoveableBeast said:

I'd actually love to hear your opinion on my story, James. I wasn't as lucky as freya or TTT, I didn't get a personal trashing. I feel left out. I didn't even rate a throw-away comment on the JBJ bursting dreams and droppin' names tour of heartbreak. I'm like Pete Best, over here.

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I'm curious to know where you did your research, cuz the story comes across as imagined NOT experienced. I've never met hookers such as you describe. I like your writing style, tho. You could write hard boiled crime stories. Freya did a great job of talking shit, and if she knew her subject she'd float to the top, ditto you.

stlgoddessfreya said:

Thanks everyone for your comments on both "Account for A Bullet" and "Bluetooth."

I had the idea for Bullet first, as soon as I read the prompt. I could see so clearly the handkerchief and knife, the desperate play to match the illustrations in the book against the wounded leg before time ran out, then the long, hidden convalescence. I considered setting it in Prohibition Chicago with the wounded soldier as an undercover detective and the rescuer a tenant in the building where there had been a shootout, too terrified to let anyone know he was in her apartment for fear of reprisal by the bootleggers. I considered making him a pre-D-Day commando doing recon in Normandy, rescued by a woman who was not really part of the Resistance. The problem was communication - there had to be enough reason to keep him hidden for longer than a few days or weeks without contacting outside help to convincingly build the relationship. Going back to The Civil War made it dangerous and desperate enough for both of them for the timing to work.

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I find it very interesting that it was the historical period that was searched out later rather than earlier. Prohibition Chicago would have been unique, I think, so I would have liked to have seen that.

sheablue said:

Pilot, I would not have pegged you as the author of Lorelei, probably because it was so short? This is one of the stories I read and voted on, but didn't get a chance to leave a comment because I was reading on my iPad and for some reason it was not letting me leave comments.

I really liked this story! I had not heard of the Lorelei before, but figured she was a german take on the Sirens who wreck ships all over the world. I also didn't see it as overly humorous? Everyone kept saying how funny it was, but maybe I missed it. Maybe if the wizard had been a little more cavalier in his realization that he needed new apprentices. Or maybe it's just me.

This story also renewed in my the desire for the next FAWC contest to be one where everyone has to write a one pager. I love a shortie short!

I also meant to thank you, Pilot, for saying you thought Mesmerized was in your top three. I appreciate it.

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Thanks. I was surprised to see the comment that "Lorelei" was funny too. I wasn't going for humor when I wrote it. Don't mind if it came across that way to anyone--it just wasn't in my mind.

For some reason I was mesmerized by "Mesmerized." It was one (there were a few others) that followed closely rather than skimming parts where I figured I knew what that part would tell me. I'm with those who was distracted by the "Shawn" name, though. The blinking eyeball didn't bother me (as it did by one commenter I read)--it just told me how steeped Clara was in the atmosphere.

sr71plt said:

I find it very interesting that it was the historical period that was searched out later rather than earlier. Prohibition Chicago would have been unique, I think, so I would have liked to have seen that.

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Ah, I wasn't clear. My first idea for it was to set it during the American Civil War, but on the thread, Abraham Lincoln come up very quickly in relation to the objects. Since that was the first thought of several other people, it seemed, I wanted to look a little deeper. I'm glad I went back to my first idea, though.

AMoveableBeast said:

Just luck, really. I don't read FAWC for sexual enjoyment, and I'm not squeamish about a little man-love, anyway. It just ended up last. I will still read it. I read all but the ending last night before I grew too tired to finish (happens to a lot of guys, I'm told). I liked it. Though, it is hard to give a full critique without the ending. Very clean writing, professional grade. Very sexual, somewhat of a rarity in this contest, surprisingly.

Even saw that TTT thought it might be mine. High compliment, considering. Didn't know he knew I existed. I had it pegged for you too, actually. Course, TTT and pl helped. The crispness of the writing did the rest. I did have some issues with it. Let me formulate.

Let me get to a clear point in my day, and I will finish her up.

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Thanks for the comments on mine. As you've seen I stretched how much I'd said I would read to the four pagers, and included both of those on my "best for me" list. Yours was good for me in the writing and honesty of it. I didn't enjoy the raw roughness of it--but that didn't detract a bit from my thinking it was one of the better stories.

My takeaway from this contest so far:

Keep formatting to a bare minimum. My story (Reunion) was the one with the terrible formatting and the edit fixed the italics, but now it's littered with HTML tags which didn't get processed. Also, I should try to avoid certain words in my descriptor. "Revenge" and "Betrayal" seem to raise some red flags. The view count was okay, but only a few people commented, which kinda defeated the purpose of this exercise.

Thanks, Freya and Beast for your in-depth comments. Praise is always nice and that kind of constructive criticism will help in reworking the story.

Normally, I let my stories incubate for much longer than three weeks, so this was a first for me. Maybe setting the goal of "keeping it under 10k words) was a bad idea as well.

And last but not least, congrats to TTT for a runaway victory. Good job.

OK, so I guess it's "discuss-your-story-time"!

Let me start by saying this was a very eye-opening learning experience for me (I consider that to be a good thing, in case you were wondering).

As you all know by now, I wrote "It's Danielle's Birthday!". It's also both the first time I've entered a FAWC and the first time I've written a strictly lesbian story (though I do have lesbian characters in my long-running Kellie & Brad series), so I'm not surprised no one correctly guessed I wrote it.

I had wanted to enter other FAWCs in the past but the timing was never right. I was intrigued by the opening line in this challenge and wanted to enter but because I was working on my Nude Day story I didn't think I'd get to do both. Then the idea for this story hit me hard so I decided, what the hell, let's go for it.

I had an idea, given the three items, most stories were going to be dark in some way, and I think we can agree that was a correct assumption. Given that, I wanted to purposely go in the other direction. I wanted to write a sweet story as a direct contrast to what I felt the other options would be. A few of you specifically picked up on that in the comments, and I thank you for doing that.

Having had the time to reflect on my story and the comments made, I have to agree that I may have gone too far in that other direction. The story is probably a little too sweet as is, and even though it clearly was not my intention I can understand people thinking the dialogue makes the characters sound younger than they are, and not in a good way. It's probably also true that the story could have used more background and more conflict, or at least hesitation and uncertainty on Danielle's part.

The biggest thing I've learned in this process is not too rush through the writing and reviewing of a story if I can help it. I definitely did so with this one. I'm not even sure why... I know I submitted this well before the deadline. My experience has been that the stories I spend more time on are the ones that turn out better, and unfortunately I was a bit too eager to enter this challenge, so I didn't follow my instincts.

Still, I'm not totally unhappy with the story. I definitely feel there are some good elements there. I do know that with some revision it would be even better. I'll probably leave it up as is for now... hopefully sometime I'll get a chance to rework it and improve it enough that I'll have the original taken down and submit the "new and improved" version.

I thank all of you who left comments for your honest feedback, it was all definitely helpful. I'm glad I entered and was impressed with the depth and quality of the field. Some real talented writers here. Congrats to all of you, and of course especially to Tx Tall Tales for winning the challenge.

FAWCker said:

I always like hearing how and why an author wrote a story. Having already known you wrote it, of course, I wasn't surprised by the callousness of your main character. That it was inspired by the Ted Kennedy scandal is interesting; I've had issues and stories in the news inspire me before as well.

Don't feel bad about TTT's critique on your misspellings. I got it, too (and deservedly so).

I did like Knife, Book, and Hanky. The title alone told me it was a detective story, and the rest of it didn't disappoint.

(And yes, that's not a critique, but I haven't the time to really flesh one out right now. But I did give an in-depth look at your Lorelei's Call several pages back)

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I don't like to think of my characters like the protagonist in "Knife, Book, and Hankie" as callous. That's a negative word, and with these characters I try to create a world apart where promiscuity and the absence of guilt for it aren't negatives--they are the norm. I like to think I've written the sex partners of these protagonists as interested (mostly seeking) in the casual hookups themselves, not looking for something emotionally deeper (unless that's brought out as a theme of the story), and getting as much as giving. I've purposely put them in a world where this isn't callousness, I don't think. It's an artificial world, of course, but I'm trying to serve a niche reader's comfort, interest, and arousal. It's no different, really, than writers are doing with fantasy worlds less current-world based than these.

I did note your reviews and enjoyed reading them--and your one of "Lorelie's Call." And now that I review that again, I see that you're the one who said the knife in that might as well be a spatula (not Blind Justice). Laughed at that and thought it was apropos.

Nope, besides the spelling and hair color of your Lorelei, my only gripe with your story was the use of "cum" instead of something more befitting the old-ish tone you had going throughout the story (which I very much liked, by the way. I really did!)

Thanks for the congratulations. To be honest (and not to give JBJ credit) if I had time, I would have changed a lot in this story.

I think there was a little too much of the 'setting' included, although that was my original intent, more than anything else. I wanted the 'starting over' cultural element to hit hard. I think I overdid it.

I understand a lot of people didn't like the stabbing. I don't particularly but it was a means to an end. It was meant to be a shocker, and to set things in motion he couldn't stop. Different people handle betrayal differently. Some men roll over, some accept it, some ignore it, some take it out on the wife. A lot have the desire to take it out on the 'seducer'. It's a way of trying, even if unaware that he's doing it, of taking some of the blame off of the spouse. Leaving room for reconciliation, since it wasn't REALLY all her fault. Or his fault either for that matter.

GoddessFreya, bless her heart, left a comment that hit me like a ton of bricks. That she felt the wifes presence was a hallucination. Damn! Now I wish I had written it that way, so much I could have worked with. I guess I'm not that creative, but it would have been nice.

The comments by SecondCircle, DrTeetho, and AMoveableBeast were very helpful in seeing how the story worked. In a lot of ways AMoveableBeasts issues mirror my own with this story. It's flawed. My previous win, Anything for Iris, was a much better story (if incomplete). That's my personal feelings. That said, this one was about emotions, pain, and getting over it. A difficult task to portray, especially since we all do it differently. That, and an exercise in painting a portrait of a different culture.

The commenting on my story, I felt was extraordinary. Very honest and compelling. I love that, even though sometimes it's a little aggravating. I take it all to heart, and try to use it to improve my writing.

I was way behind reading the other stories. I wasn't following the thread. Real life was interfering in a big way, for a lot of reasons. When I sat down and read the comments, and skimmed the thread, I felt guilty for using the contest for my advantage (getting people to provide feedback) without participating.

I only skimmed three stories before I started writing my critiques. I full intend to write one for every story. As for Danielle's Birthday, I just fubar'd that one. I wrote all the comments in a text editor, and cut and pasted them to the comment box afterward. I have the critique for that one, just didn't copy it in. I will after this.

--

I do have one thing I'd like to address from my soapbox. It's the cowardly accusations of cheating. I don't. I don't need to, I haven't, and I don't appreciate the implications.

I have three stories with more than a million views. Many, (mostly) 1000 vote stories. Do you really think I need to somehow run around at 6 in the morning figuring out ways to spoof my IP so I can get a handful of extra votes for a contest that has no value except among the few people here? I vote on my story. Once. I give it a 5. I hope if you're writing, you're giving your own stories 5's, if not, maybe you should rewrite them.

I admit, I give my story a 5 as early as possible. People looking at a list will read high scoring stories, and H rated stories more often than others. They look at a list, they like the title and/or description, they see a high score, they read it. More readers is good.

A comment was made about all my early votes, and how a sweep would be revealing. I lost 4 votes in the sweep, out of over 50. Less than many. Less than the story with more votes than mine. So what was revealed? And what did the accuser make of it, other than silence?

Why do I get more votes? I'll tell you one very good reason. I ask for them. At the end of the story. Anyone who doesn't can learn from this. Asking for the vote increases the number astronomically. Any sales person will tell you that. I've got the historical proof. I figure that it at least DOUBLES the number of votes I get as a percentage of reads, maybe more. And these extra votes tend to be high votes, at least from my experience.

I write longer stories. Longer stories get higher votes. It's a fact. Easily verified from my own writing list. My short stories never do as well.

People who read longer stories are more apt to vote. They've invested time into the effort. They make it to the end, and they vote.

Why am I accused of cheating? Two reasons, I believe. A lot of people like to take down whoever's on top. That's just the way it works. They will work hard at it. My writing is recognizable. Several people knew who it was by as soon as it was posted. They don't like me doing well, they make it personal.

My story, The Accidental Nudist Cabin, was the #1 LW story for over a year. It has 1.5 million reads, and over 9000 votes. A few months ago a concerted effort was made by some people to move it out of its position. In a little over a month, it lost .03 in its score. Not a lot, just enough to take it out of first place, and eventually off the first page of the TopList. With 8500 votes that takes a lot of bombing.

Then they did it to my top rated romance story Charity Begins Next Door. It only has 7500 votes and half a million reads, so it only took them a week to knock that one down to the second page. It probably pissed them off to no end, when my story Poolboy Benefits took over at #1.

There will always be those kind of people.

The second reason is even easier. Liars think others lie. Cheaters are convinced others cheat. The kind of person who would make baseless accusations of cheating, is more than likely to be a cheater. IMHO. There's a lot of talk about friends and alts cheating and one bombing others. I try to stay out of the fights, I don't need that worthless drama. I have a life, a job, a family, and hobbies away from Literotica. It doesn't drive my every waking thought. I'll never have 10,000 posts. Hell, it took me 13 years to get to whatever I have now.

This little rant will probably have the liars and cheaters out one-bombing my stories again. So what. Fuck 'em.

This is all I have to say on the subject. I didn't cheat. Anyone who says I did is a damn liar, probably a cheat themselves, and most like jealous of my success. I have nothing else to say to them, or about this, and will not respond to anything else on the subject. Frankly, it's not worth my time.

I'm proud of my stories, and their popularity. I know I'm not a great writer, there are a lot better on here. There are better in this contest. I know that, and I'm fine. I'm still growing and improving. But I do know how to connect to a reader, and I'm proud of that.


Ok, sorry about the rant. I'm off my soapbox. Thanks for the congratulations, the comments and the votes. I'm sorry I'm so late contributing, and I'll go back now and work on my critiques.

Tx Tall Tales

I'm happy that the combined reads for ALL of my stories recently surpassed the one million mark. It's pretty wild that you have three with over a million each. Nice!

Swilly said:

I'm happy that the combined reads for ALL of my stories recently surpassed the one million mark. It's pretty wild that you have three with over a million each. Nice!

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Yeah, but you joined in 2013, I've been doing this since 2001.

A lot of my older stories have very high reads. The Perfect Game is at 1.1M but it took a long time to get there. My first story is approaching half a million reads after 13 years.

There's something to be said for longevity, and having a lot of stories.

It's worth noting that my 1M read stories had long runs at #1 on the Top List, and years of first page exposure. I think it's the only way to get there. That, and being on the 'most favorites' and 'most reads' lists. Those are really hard to crack.

I still gotta shit ton of reading to do. To those I haven't read, you'll still be getting my votes and feedback. And anonymity means little as I still shoot honest feedback regardless, there are those that can testify to that.

To Pilot, my darts only landed on one of yours, LORELEI'S CALL. This concept appealed to me right of the bat. I dont know a whole awful lot about the Germanic stuff as you do, but long ago I read RHINEGOLD, a book that was basicallya retelling of ancient Norse legend centered around the Rhine, the swan in the water, and the gold from the river that tempted all and destroyed many with corruption. The elements are very similar and it hooked me. I liked the sort of irresistible pull thing of a sirens call and such. I wanted to see her and feel the temptation a bit more. It wasnt lost on me about the two apprentices both being so gullible as to fall into that trap. It did speak to the "no man is safe, everyman will feel the call." I said as much in the comments. So this worked as a nice tight little tale. Very cool.

To Shea, I wouldn't have pegged you for MESMERIZED. (Like I could have made any good guesses anyway.) I think you set a mood that fit the story, and the atmospherics were awesome. I didn't include anything about the Shawn name thing but it did kinda throw me. But you wrote her character well enough that I didn't have trouble with it except for the first time. (Though when you said "Shawn" and "red curls" I couldn't help picture Dave Mustaine at first.) Jesus that sex scene with the knife stayed with me. I guess I wasnt expecting something so raw, and it really hammered home the control that the objects held over her. Sexy and shocking. Great job with that story, I thought it shoulda finished higher.

To TripleT, congrats again and I commend you on your soap box rant. Your writing is recognizable cuz it's good. I didn't like this one quite as much as your other FAWC winner, but this was still great. Honestly to me? This was like the feel you get watching a movie or something. Like a romantic comedy with out the comedy bit. (Why the fuck did I picture Channing Tatum as the playboy guy he stabbed?) You get done reading it and feel like you've been on a journey with this family. I like what you said here about length. Agreed.

So much to read, so much to say. Sigh.

JAMESBJOHNSON said:

Good God! Lynn has a dangling participle in the first paragraph. If I see it why didn't she?

TTT musta been too busy to edit Lynn and PL.

Click to expand...

That's the only mistake you saw in that first draft mess? I shouldn't have even added the story to the challenge.


Edit? I haven't had anyone edit my stories in years.

Arranged Marriages- If you haven't read it already, don't.

I wanted to try something different. Something with no romantic love, and not much of any other kind either. I also wanted to try a kink I hadn't written before.

So I got an idea and I really liked where it was going.

And then I had 2 weeks of finals, grading projects, etc. I was still getting phone calls from parents after school ended the last day. ("But just because he failed the final, he won't be on the honor roll. I'm surprised you're ok with that." The kid didn't know any of the grammar from the entire year, making the vocab he did study kinda useless, and when he came to tell me the first time about missing honor roll, he couldn't be bothered to swallow the mouthful of Doritos before talking, thus spraying them all over my desk.)

One day of letting it go, followed by three days of trying to get my story to flow. It didn't. I finished right before the deadline, not knowing if it even made sense.

I'm mostly disappointed because I really liked it before finals week. Just never got my mojo back, and nothing came out the way it looked in my head at the beginning. Effing day job.

Anyway...

I'm scrapping that one and moving on. I thought I'd try a young adult novel this summer, but it turns out that I can't even think about teenagers right now without needing a glass of wine.

I'm sticking with smut.

And wine.

This was a fun FAWC. I loved the variety in the stories. I read a lot of stories by authors that were new to me, both FAWC and their other stories.