Sex advice please

Hello this is my first post. I need sex advice lol. I'm married been with my wife for 9yrs married for 2yrs. We are both in our 20s, we normally have. Sex 4-5 times a week. My problem is trining to have more sex with my wife lol. We have no problem making each other climax, she doesn't feel like playing anymore after words and I will. She is fine with getting off once a day but I need to multipule times. I have no problem going down on her to get her ready or any other type of warming up. I'm also having a problem with only me anishiating sex. Any tips and advice. Is welcome thAnk you very much and sorry for the great wall o text lol.

Moving this to the How To forum.

I hate to say this on a forum like this, but, you've got a problem (or you are just a troll)! Assuming your post is legit, almost no one anywhere has sex that much, particularly when you have been with the same partner for 9 years, married for 2. You need a shrink to get help. Sex can be healthy, especially if you have it regularly, but it is unhealthy when you have to have it that much.

Thanks for the move, sorry for posting in the wrong spot. I don't see how it makes me a troll or crazy for looking for advice.

mudvayne16 said:

Thanks for the move, sorry for posting in the wrong spot. I don't see how it makes me a troll or crazy for looking for advice.

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No problem; it's fine.

Masturbation is a great way to use up your extra sex drive without driving your partner crazy.

subwannabe said:

I hate to say this on a forum like this, but, you've got a problem (or you are just a troll)! Assuming your post is legit, almost no one anywhere has sex that much, particularly when you have been with the same partner for 9 years, married for 2. You need a shrink to get help. Sex can be healthy, especially if you have it regularly, but it is unhealthy when you have to have it that much.

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Ah, the age-old question; How much is too much?

You, my dear, like so many other people, have decided that anything more than what YOU need is too much.

mudvayne16 said:

Thanks for the move, sorry for posting in the wrong spot. I don't see how it makes me a troll or crazy for looking for advice.

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4-5 times a week is above average. Look at how many sexless marriage threads there are. That is what makes you look like a troll. many would probably like to smack you

You can still masturbate to fill in the gaps

Welcome to Lit

I would never deliberately try to make anyone mad sorry about that. I was just looking what others do that all lol. Yes I already crank it out when I have to haha just always better to have those extra set of hands. Thank you for the feed back and once again I am sorry if I was trolling or upset anyone.

mudvayne16 said:

I would never deliberately try to make anyone mad sorry about that. I was just looking what others do that all lol. Yes I already crank it out when I have to haha just always better to have those extra set of hands. Thank you for the feed back and once again I am sorry if I was trolling or upset anyone.

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It just LOOKED like trolling, and don't worry about upsetting anyone by accident. If they take things wrong they do

Of course everyone is different. Some like it more. Some like it less. Four to five times a week is definetly above average in a 9 year relationship. The fact is you will not find hardly anyone anywhere who does it that much after 9 years in the same relationship and yet you state that you would like it everyday, several times a day. That is clearly excessive compared to the norm in a 9 year relationship. They actually have names for that in pyscological circles. Can't think of them at this second other than having a sexual addiction but Tiger Woods would know. It is a relevant enough problem that it is a recognized "disease" and they have treatments for it. By a troll I meant there was a possibility that you were just posting something that was full of shit just to see the responses you would get. I don't think you are a troll anymore but there could be an arguement here as to whether you need help or not. No matter what the verdict is on that your behavior is still far more excessive than the norm. The problem you may have with your wife as far as intiating encounters is probably rooted in the fact that she doesn't feel she has to since you want it several times a day, every day. I'm betting that if you turned off the faucet for a complete week or two she would then be initiating more herself.

subwannabe said:

I hate to say this on a forum like this, but, you've got a problem (or you are just a troll)! Assuming your post is legit, almost no one anywhere has sex that much, particularly when you have been with the same partner for 9 years, married for 2. You need a shrink to get help. Sex can be healthy, especially if you have it regularly, but it is unhealthy when you have to have it that much.

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4-5 times a week isn't unhealthy. I've had sex that many times in a day, for an extended period of time before. It's actually great exercise if you have the time and desire. The only problem is the mismatched sex drives.

infinity706 said:

4-5 times a week isn't unhealthy. I've had sex that many times in a day, for an extended period of time before. It's actually great exercise if you have the time and desire. The only problem is the mismatched sex drives.

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Bragging isn't health

Stella_Omega said:

Masturbation is a great way to use up your extra sex drive without driving your partner crazy.
Ah, the age-old question; How much is too much?

You, my dear, like so many other people, have decided that anything more than what YOU need is too much.

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beat me too it as usual...

any couple in the throws of passion could easily have several sexual encounters of some variety a day if they both were in the mood..but take one cis gendered female and one cis gendered male, and the vagaries of mismatched libidos (god's -scratch that clear the work of a goddess- cruelest joke) and you are probably luck to 'get it" as often as you do...

I HIGHLY recommend Athol Kaye's (sp?) Married Man's Sex Life blog. He recently authored a book by the same name I think. Premise is "gaming" your wife (girlfriend). I have been pretty thoroughly socialized against gaming women, but I have come to believe it is all part of a complex, needed, and oddly to me desired by women part of the courtship process in conventional male female relations. Play the game or learn to be really friendly with yourself.

He address every single one of your state concerns. Read it it learn it live it and report back here. I haven't anyone non=flaky enough to see on a consistent enough basis to try it, but I spent two decades monogamously and I have marveled at how insightful his work is.

Actually I wasn't saying that 4- 5 times a week was unhealthy. I was saying that 2-3 times a day, seven days a week is unhealthy, at least mentally speaking.

subwannabe said:

Actually I wasn't saying that 4- 5 times a week was unhealthy. I was saying that 2-3 times a day, seven days a week is unhealthy, at least mentally speaking.

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I'm somewhat inclined to agree with this, but it also depends on how old the OP actually is. "In my 20s" covers a huge spectrum of potential sexual energy; he could be 28 and only need to whack off once a week, or he could be 21 and an early starter and still near the peak of his horniness.

mudvayne, here's the advice everyone will give you eventually: Sit down and talk with your wife. She may not be aware that you prefer to cum two or three times a day. Perhaps you can convince her to help you out at differing points in the day, as opposed to all at once (if that helps you out any), and possibly without involving full-on intercourse either. Alternately, she is aware of your desires but is kind of getting sick of it; I can see it turning into a chore at that rate. If so, you'll need to get used to masturbating. She is not obligated to have sex with you. And while she should want to have sex with you, the simple fact is that 4 or 5 times a week is more than quite a few women and even some men are interested in. If you offer to take matters into your own hands more frequently, she may even be relieved and more willing to entertain you herself. But the point is that the two of you need to work out a system that is satisfactory to you both.

subwannabe said:

Of course everyone is different. Some like it more. Some like it less. Four to five times a week is definetly above average in a 9 year relationship. The fact is you will not find hardly anyone anywhere who does it that much after 9 years in the same relationship and yet you state that you would like it everyday, several times a day. That is clearly excessive compared to the norm in a 9 year relationship. They actually have names for that in pyscological circles. Can't think of them at this second other than having a sexual addiction but Tiger Woods would know. It is a relevant enough problem that it is a recognized "disease" and they have treatments for it. By a troll I meant there was a possibility that you were just posting something that was full of shit just to see the responses you would get. I don't think you are a troll anymore but there could be an arguement here as to whether you need help or not. No matter what the verdict is on that your behavior is still far more excessive than the norm. The problem you may have with your wife as far as intiating encounters is probably rooted in the fact that she doesn't feel she has to since you want it several times a day, every day. I'm betting that if you turned off the faucet for a complete week or two she would then be initiating more herself.

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Considerable amount wrong in this post. No offense sincerely meant.

To start, 4-5 times per week in a marriage of 9 years is not really above average. It's once per day and last I looked a week is 7 days so that's leaving 2-3 days with nothing else. Additionally, it really depends on the relationship. Meaning..all relationships are different and there are different demands, different thresholds in each one. His concern is NOT something you can categorically classify.

The OP doesn't need help, not in the slightest. What he needs, is to sit down with the wife and discuss the situation rationally like two adults normally should. In ANY relationship one of the most important factors is communicatoin. A ongoing dialogue of open communication will go a very long way in resolving alot of issues and growing pains.

"Turning off the faucet" isn't going to help either; it's the wrong way to approach things. Again, communication is simply paramount here. "Turning off the faucet" will only contribute to the issue by insinuating any number of things, like "Since I can't get it when I want, you're not going to get any at all then." or "Why doesn't he want to have sex at all with me anymore? Did he find someone else? Am I no longer attractive to him? Does he still love me?" and on and on ad nauseum.

Little bit of information for you. I'm a 40 year old guy, and I'm currently in a steady relationship that stretches back about 11 years. It started back in 2001, when I was 29. At that point in time, my sexual experience was about as limited as you can get. A few fumbling encounters, lots of masturbation during puberty, and nothing really satisfying whatsoever.

Then..I met my wife. Alot of patience on her part, some coaxing and understanding when it took all of 2 minutes for me to orgasm, and she helped stretch my experience so that I could last longer, enjoy it MUCH more, and please her to a extent that simply leaves her breathless and gasping for air after one of our sessions.

A long while back I made a post here about looking for a better lubricant. Primarily because we had improved our lovemaking to the point that the lube we were using was simply falling behind in performance and after some bouts we'd end up sore. Both of us. We settled on a silicone based lubricant called ID Millennium and things have been fantastic ever since.

Fast foward to late 30s. I was (and still am) voracious about sexual opportunities with my wife. And she is very much the same. I really did not come into my own personal "peak" until about 38.

Why do I mention all of this? Because it is quite possible that my experiences mirror some of the things the OP may be seeing in his own personal situation. Because every relationship is different, markedly so, and has to be addressed on the basis of the relationship itself. Because hopefully...just hopefully..the OP will realize he's not some sort of anomaly or think he's suddenly got some kind of disease. Instead he may realize..hopefully...that things aren't out of the ordinary for him, and all he need do is sit down and discuss things with the wife.

To the OP: I hope you find yourself able to communicate with your wife easily, the conversation goes well, compromises found and made on both sides, and your marriage continues happily for many, many more years.

subwannabe said:

Actually I wasn't saying that 4- 5 times a week was unhealthy. I was saying that 2-3 times a day, seven days a week is unhealthy, at least mentally speaking.

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It's only unhealthy if it's interfering with getting other things done that you should be doing. There's probably quite a few people significantly older than their 20s that would like sex multiple times a day, though. It's just not a realistic goal most of the time unless you count masturbation or it's acceptable to have sex with multiple partners. Honestly, I know people over 60 that have a way higher monthly average than me and I'm only 25. If you have the time, opportunity and desire for sex 20 times a week, rock on with your bad self. Lots of sex isn't harmful by itself.

Karal said:

To start, 4-5 times per week in a marriage of 9 years is not really above average. It's once per day and last I looked a week is 7 days so that's leaving 2-3 days with nothing else.

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I don't know where you got you info, but I doubt their sample selection was random.
The Kinsey Institute web page FAQ says it is, therefore the OP is at the head of the bell curve.

But I do agree the anwser to a chunk of questions is talk to your partner

Thank you for all the advice and feedback it is greatly appreciated. I have talked with my wife about it all is good, I am just a horn ball lol.