midwestyankee
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So, in your scenario, the rapist enjoys no psychological benefit from the act? Believing this would mean that we don't actually ever care what we do. Seems really unlikely to me.
Different types of doms
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So, in your scenario, the rapist enjoys no psychological benefit from the act? Believing this would mean that we don't actually ever care what we do. Seems really unlikely to me.
Stella_Omega
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Well, that's how I do it. As a bottom I do get very specific and demanding, at least until I know I can trust my top to know what I want.
But I still word it differently-- I call myself a "dominant bottom," in the tradition that says the first word modifies the second.
Like I say, I have a problem with "dom/sub" being the default in hetero groups. It seems to promote kneejerk and unthoughtful ideas, frankly. Harsh words, sorry...
In jail. Duh.
ChucklesNLovin
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Wow, I'm still stuck on the "Rape is not a mental game" thing.
On both sides of that equation the psycological damage / affect lasts for ages.
Mind and body are connected. Without one, you don't have the other. Spanking is a physical action that puts both the spanker, and the spankee in a particular frame of mind. One being dominent, and one being submissive. If it didn't, why would you do it. If not for the pleasure (mind) then why go through the pain?
Not sure how you can separte mind and body.
On both sides of that equation the psycological damage / affect lasts for ages.
Mind and body are connected. Without one, you don't have the other. Spanking is a physical action that puts both the spanker, and the spankee in a particular frame of mind. One being dominent, and one being submissive. If it didn't, why would you do it. If not for the pleasure (mind) then why go through the pain?
Not sure how you can separte mind and body.
ChucklesNLovin
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Back to the Thread Topic?
Are there different types of Dom's. My answer is Yes. In all of my uneducated, mis-informed glory, YES. Because there are billions of types of people. I want to have a Session based power transfer (scared to label it now, thanks) where there is NO PAIN. No Spanking, No Gagging and No Bondage. Why, because I don't want those things. I am still the Dominent in the scene. I do what I want. Does this make me less of a Dominent? I don't think so (Considerng I'm not one at all yet, .-)
Are there different types of Dom's. My answer is Yes. In all of my uneducated, mis-informed glory, YES. Because there are billions of types of people. I want to have a Session based power transfer (scared to label it now, thanks) where there is NO PAIN. No Spanking, No Gagging and No Bondage. Why, because I don't want those things. I am still the Dominent in the scene. I do what I want. Does this make me less of a Dominent? I don't think so (Considerng I'm not one at all yet, .-)
avrgblkgrl
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Thank you...
Stella_Omega
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Have you ever been spanked? It's a pain that feels gooood.... in a physical sense. You end up with tingles and heat and an arousal that won't quit. All the blood in the area, you know...
as for primalex, he's a hemi-demi-semi troll. He says good stuff in the nastiest way he can think of.
Primalex
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What has enjoyment to do with bottoming/topping?
What has the situation of the rapist to do with the situation of the victim?
Either it is physically only bottoming for the victim or it is not - but this can't depend on the rapist.
ChucklesNLovin
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No Stella, I have not been spanked, in a sexual scene. I have no doubt it feels good and one of these days, I may be bent over my wifes knee. Until then, I'll take your word for it.
"You end up with tingles and heat and an arousal that won't quit"
Arousel is a mental state of mind. you cannot separate the Physical from the mental.
The only reason we're on this topic is because someone said they thought topping was mental, and Dom was physical (or visa versa).
See my next message .-)
"You end up with tingles and heat and an arousal that won't quit"
Arousel is a mental state of mind. you cannot separate the Physical from the mental.
The only reason we're on this topic is because someone said they thought topping was mental, and Dom was physical (or visa versa).
See my next message .-)
Primalex
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Maybe by thinking about it.
If I hit you with a whip, does it turn you into a submissive that becomes my bottom? If not, why not? Your body feels the pain. And I can make your body do things you don't want it to do. According to your logic then, you are my bottom then - even if you would take the very first opportunity to thrust a knife into my body and kill me.
I don't share this point of view, you seem to express. But maybe you didn't really think about it in the first place...
Stella_Omega
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The criminal attack we call "rape" has a passing resemblance to some of the practices out of the group of activities we call BDSM.
In the way that a molehill resembles a mountain.
See what happens when we get vague?
When I said "arousal" I meant "a hardon, or engorged vagina--" arousal in a very physical sense.
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Primalex
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85 countries criminalize consensual same sex acts. According to your logic, people in those countries should not discuss same sex acts in sex forums. Do you want to change your point of view?
ChucklesNLovin
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So, this thread has gone from "are there different types of Dom's" to "What should we call ourselves". Somehow, I don't think this is the first time this topic has been discussed...
Should we create a thread called, "BDSM Identities" and have a professional discussion there?
Should we create a thread called, "BDSM Identities" and have a professional discussion there?
Primalex
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No, it started as "*cry*Someone was mean on the BDSM personals section, please support my point of view now here."
Stella_Omega
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Reading comprehension much?
Forced sex in a BDSM context closely resembles the violent attack that we call "Rape" and is, in my country and yours, a criminal act. But when we talk about it here, we are not talking about criminal rape.
At least, most of us aren't.
Primalex
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molehill <> mountain. I got it already the first time.
You repeat yourself.
unless we are talking about criminal rape.
Reading comprehension helps in figuring this out.
Stella_Omega
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Someone once asked how the scenarios over at device bondage could be "REAL" BDSM, since the girls were so obviously pleased and happy after the sessions.
After a discussion on the concept of RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and the ways in which BDSM have evolved over the past hundred years,
He concluded that it must be like a thrill ride, scary while it was happening, but with the security that nothing would really permanently harm them.
I congratulated him on his powers of observation.
After a discussion on the concept of RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and the ways in which BDSM have evolved over the past hundred years,
He concluded that it must be like a thrill ride, scary while it was happening, but with the security that nothing would really permanently harm them.
I congratulated him on his powers of observation.
Curious_in_Cali
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A new thread exploring this could be interesting I think. For me, after ruminating on the complex flow chart of labels and identities, I think my take on it goes something like this...
Top/bottom - What you do and why you do it.
Dom/sub - What you are and why you enjoy it.
eastern sun
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Stella_Omega
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Hee! I like that.
But "why" is always a tricky question...
I think top/bottom is what you do, dom/sub might be how you do it-- for some people, dom/sub might also be why you do it, or master/slave or whatever...
Me too, honestly.eastern sun said:Hey, I've missed your mindless posts!
BiBunny
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Hey, I've missed your mindless posts!
Me three.
ownedsubgal
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awww, thanks guys.
ownedsubgal
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still too descriptive...we are not defined by the "whys." i'd say that BDSM v. D/s is the difference between what you do, and who you are. and even when you have a BDSM couple and a D/s couple who may engage in the precise same activities, it is who they are that makes the entire experience so drastically different.
midwestyankee
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Strictly speaking, this is a pretty good breakdown.
Put more literally:
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. In general these words describe things we do.
D/s stands for dominance and submission, which are generally states of mind.
Yes, this is a bit simplistic but I contend that it holds water.
Curious_in_Cali
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Thank you for your thoughts! Hmmm, how about...
Top/bottom - What you do in action; Top acts upon, bottom is acted upon.
Dom/sub - Who you are by nature; Dominance seeks control, submission seeks surrender.
Is that any better? Would it be enough for someone not knowing anything about the dynamics to at least be a starting point for more "appropriate" terminology that would be more widely accepted within the community at least for use in discussion?
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