Threesome

My wife and myself have been fantasizing about a threesome (MMF) for a while, but are not yet completely certain how to put thoughts into reality (we are both straight). I wonder if anybody would be willing to share experiences, especially with regards to some questions:
1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?
2. Once you meet, how did you start?
3. Did it feel natural?
4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?
5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?
6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?
We currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. But then the question: How to chose one? (Any experiences in London/UK?)
Would be grateful for some shared experiences both from women and men.
Thank you in advance!

Hi Tom,

I have been the third in MMF before and can give you that perspective regarding your questions:

1. I think the final answer to this one will have more to do with what makes the two of you most comfortable than with any "one-size-fits-all" advice. To me, an MMF encounter is "recreational" sex where the purpose is to have fun and where the emotional connection should be about the same as getting together to play bridge or shoot a round of golf. Sure its better if you get along and there certainly should be physical chemistry. It is crucial that you two have your emotional connections thoroughly and satisfactorally sorted out before bringing a third into bed. Most clubs don't encourage or allow attendance by single males, at least here is the US, which might make an MMF difficult to arrange at a club and a swap is a completely different dynamic that I can't speak to.

The couple I met replied to an ad I placed in "Digital Cities" (now defunct) where I was looking for NSA sex in a city I travelled to on business regularly. I think Craigslist or Literotica might be potential options. After a couple of get-to-know you emails, we decided to meet at my hotel's bar for a face-to-face and without any further commitments to proceed by anyone.

2. At the bar we had a drink or two and chatted amiably for about an hour. I excused myself to go to the restroom, mostly to give the couple, lets call them J (husband) & L (wife), a private moment to discuss what they want to do. During our chat J did most of the talking for the couple and all of the talking with regard to sex, limits, etc. L seemed quiet but smiled nicely and participated in non-sex related small talk. When I returned J asked if we could all go up to my room to start but with the proviso that we could stop at anytime should anyone feel the least bit uncomfortable. Since she had been so quiet with regard to discussing sexual items I asked L what she wanted just to make sure this wasn't all just J's idea, but she said she wanted to go up to my room.

Once in my room J produced some sex game dice and some home-made cards from a gym bag he had with him. We would take turns rolling the dice, which would require the person rolling to remove an article of their clothing, an article of someone elses clothing, kiss another person, touch another person, etc. The dice were fairly tame, but we were getting naked and beginning to get physical although L still seemed a little shy or leery of "going all the way". Once L and I had kissed a few times (each one a little deeper and a little longer) and we were all naked J got out the deck of cards. The cards were not so tame, including licking and sucking but no intercourse. When I got a card that said L should suck me J asked her if she wanted to suck me or fuck me. L said both, which pleased J greatly and which belied my earlier impression of her interest in the game. While L and I fucked and sucked J was only interested in snapping polaroids (this was 10 years ago) although I had no issues with him participating with his wife.

Only two minor dissapointments that I was aware of from the evening. First, L wanted me to fuck bareback. I wasn't comfortable with that so I wore a condom. Second, I would have liked to try double penetration but L wasn't up for anal. I'm still looking for the dp scenario.

3. Natural? Well, honestly it felt a little surreal at points, with J urging L along during the tamer early games and then later with the camera flash popping while L and I fucked and sucked (no face pics for me and I could verify the polaroids before they left the room). But it was fun and exciting for all.

4. Well, to me, orgasms are always good, especially a woman's orgasms - they really turn me on. Yes, after an orgasm it takes men longer than women to reload and get back in the game, but thats where I think that an MMF scenario is so great - when one cock cums and needs a rest the woman can have a second one right away. And if both cocks have cum and neither has recovered there's always tongues and fingers and toys to keep things going. I don't see a reason for an orgasm to slow things down at all, much less stop them.

5. As mentioned, we had oral and vaginal sex, no anal, no dp.

6. L had several orgasms, I had one. J wanted to photo and watch - I don't know if they fucked later or not, but I hope so. I think everyone got what they wanted.

I changed jobs shortly after and didn't get back to that city regularly so there wasn't an encore, although they asked me to. I still want to try dp.

Hope this helps.

g

Thank you very much, gspothero,
it is good to read the third party perspective. It seems that this was a good experience for you!
I really would like to have the couple´s perspective, too.
Will be interesting to compare the different viewpoints.
And your first paragraph is definetively worth thinking over.

hey,

first time was a foursome for us. we had known the couple for a good few years and the husband and i were just talking about women in general and we compared them to our wives and compliments turned into a joke of how we should get our wives and see if they would do it. we hypothetically asked both and it was "yeah, she's cute and i'd do her" turned into a regular fantasy and planning which happened one night after drinking at a bar when my wife told me that she made out with my friend, so his wife started kissing me. we all ended up fondling and kissing (no male to male contact). then it lead to oral sex and i had sex with my friend's wife. the next night we did it again and we swapped wives, watched while both wives played with eachother and watched my friend with his and my wife together and vice versa...we did a good number of times but all had to end when they got a divorce a few yrs later (other personal reasons) and we've yet to find anyone to have fun with (not actively looking but mostly fantasy again)...

My husband and I have some limited experience with MFM/MMF threesomes. We insisted on getting to know the third party online and through face-to-face meetings before anything sexual took place. (Yeah, I know that a lot of people would have a problem with that and want to get right to the sex, but men looking to join couples are a dime a dozen, so felt we could afford to be picky.)

I'm not going to answer the most of the other questions because I don't feel that such detailed answers are necessary. I will say, however, that although we enjoyed the experiences, we aren't currently planning to have any more threesomes. I'm sure my husband would go for it in a heartbeat, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be for me to separate love and sex. *shrug*

Thank you very much, Eilan!
It is very helpful to realise that sex and love aren´t the same, and that there seem to be different feelings from you and your husband. Wonder if there is a chance to find out beforehand.
And I hope the experience was enjoyable, nevertheless. I would want to meet in person before any actual encounter as well.

I've been in a few over the years.

The only advice I can give you and your wife is you need to be able to communicate. I'm talking about everything. Set the rules in advance and follow them. And remember that your wife always comes first.

Oak_Tree said:

I've been in a few over the years.

The only advice I can give you and your wife is you need to be able to communicate. I'm talking about everything. Set the rules in advance and follow them. And remember that your wife always comes first.

Click to expand...

Thank you, too!
Yes, she comes first in almost every way. If there is the slightest hint of "no" we won´t go ahead, anyway. But we´re intruiged, and thus the question for advice.
To set the rules in advance is probably good advice. Did you do so? And were the emotions alright, afterwards?

MFM from single M perspective

I have a little different experience and perspective.
My ex-wife and I had been friends with this couple for 10 years and had gone to nude beaches and clubs together, along with just nude social nights. When my ex and I divorced, this couple asked me about joining them for some MFM fun.

What made it work for us was that we were such good friends. They knew I wasn't looking to break up their marriage but to just have some added fun for all. We also knew each others' health and sex history so we felt totally comfortable and at ease. We started with just some adult games that helped to break the ice of exploring each others body and likes and dislikes. And then we just moved on to many different things. Because we were friends, we weren't frenzied about getting it all in or fearing that there wouldn't be a next time. Again, as trusted friends, it felt very natural, especially as we all talked about things like limits and concerns. While we tried to prolong our pleasure, orgasms were fun and different and added to the closeness...who came where and on who, who rubbed in the cum, etc. And because we were comfortable, there was nothing wrong with cumming and then sitting back and watch the other get it on. We did oral, vaginal and anal but DP was one thing she was fearful to try. And like most people, moods were different different times we met. So if you do find an ongoing partner, it is a relationship and you have to deal with someone being hornier, more experimental or wanting more than the others from time to time. But that's where the friendship worked for us.

And as part of those early talks and feeling each other out, we were all clear about this being about mutual sexual pleasure and exploration and not love. I think the one bad part for me as the single party, the only other rule the wife had was no kissing between her and I because for her, that brought in too much intimacy into the playing and was too close to that love/sex border. But for me, the best part of sex is the intimacy. So without the kissing, I at times felt detached and couldn't always get into moments that were intimate, especially as they were kissing all of the time and I missed that part of it. And I think that's the one danger is separate rules can sometimes divide people and make it feel more mechanical than natural.

Other than that, it was a good experience for everyone as I think we all came to learn and appreciate things we might not have been exposed to. Our cocks were different in shape and size and our techniques in oral and vaginal and anal were also different. One time the husband asked his wife is she thought sex was better with me and she had the right answer -- No. It wasn't better. It was just different and enjoyable as being different. So if you both communicate and agree that you are doing it because you BOTH want to and not because one does and the other is just going along with it, and as long as you do know the difference between sex and love, and don't get jealous if your spouse enjoys what's going on whether he has a bigger cock or she has a tighter pussy, etc. then I think you'll have some fun and learn some things about each other and that you can practice on each other in the years to come.

Up4fun&69,
thank you for your detailed answer. Especially for wording the fear of probably many men- what if the other man´s cock is bigger, his technique better. Your friend´s wife definetively had the right answer- probably a very sensitive woman.
I am glad that the experience can be so joy- and lustful.
And it really seems important to set the rules in advance- in your case no kissing.
Intimacy is definetively part of the thrill, but for me I have to consider what I´d like to see. I think this kind of rule where something is left for the husband alone does not sound bad. Did they kiss while you were with her?
I hope you are still friends with them, and have some good time now and then!

tomwantstosee said:

Up4fun&69,
thank you for your detailed answer. Especially for wording the fear of probably many men- what if the other man´s cock is bigger, his technique better.

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Personally, I find cock size and technique to be a distant second to the connection you have with your partner.

That connection makes the sex great. All the dick and the technique in the world can't match that.

Up4fun&69 said:

One time the husband asked his wife is she thought sex was better with me and she had the right answer -- No.

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Holy crap. I'm glad you had fun and all, but if I was the wife in this situation, I would have just said yes, to make the husband squirm for being such a jackass.

tom wants to see quoth:
my wife and myself have been fantasizing about a threesome (MMF) for a while, but are not yet completely certain how to put thoughts into reality (we are both straight). i wonder if anybody would be willing to share experiences, especially with regards to some questions.

Click to expand...

you know, i've seen this question asked a great deal here in the time i've been coming to lit. the simple answer, based both on my own experiences and the discussions that've come and gone (so to speak...) is that there's no silver bullet, one size fits all answer for every couple. so much depends on your specific dynamic, and that of the other person. what worked for me--or indeed for others--may not work for you and your wife. with that caveat firmly in mind...

tom wants to see queried:
1. do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? or a friend? or may a club be a solution?

Click to expand...

i have always felt more comfortable with someone we knew. in each case that a third joined me and the person i was with at the time, it was a friend: many fewer concerns this way re: STDs.

tom wants to see queried:
2. once you meet, how did you start?

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rather organically each time. it was in every case unplanned and unexpected. in those instances, although my partner and i were both (very) actively fantasizing about a third person joining us, the friend who did join us was unaware of this, or that we might be open to it.

tom wants to see queried:
3. did it feel natural?

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in each case: yes, like drawing another breath.

tom wants to see queried:
4. if one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?

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i knew how to handle it if i or my partner did. i was less clear re: the 3rd so we just kinda waited to see how she or he wanted to proceed. with a female 3rd, it usually involved a little wind down. with a male 3rd, it was pretty hands-off. although admittedly, the lights were off, so i can't be sure... :>

tom wants to see queried:
5. what did you try? oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how)?

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anal/vaginal in one case with a male 3rd. in the other, with a different partner, oral/vaginal. obviously, in the FFM, it didn't quite work that way, but there was no PIV penetration of the female 3rd. and i think it goes without saying that there was a lot of mutual masturbation & oral going on in each case.

tom wants to see queried:
6. did both of you enjoy? or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?

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i think we generally were equally interested & open to it. obviously, each of those friends were, too!

tom wants to see queried:
we currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. but then the question: how to chose one? (any experiences in london/UK?)

Click to expand...

i'm afraid i haven't got any personal experience to draw upon here, as was mentioned, but i suspect that you'll do just fine at a club. just make clear what's going on and remember that if you don't really know the 3rd, you don't really know his/her sexual history.

ed

Threesomes

My first threesome was also my first true bi experience. I was back home visiting relatives during the winter. I went to the local mall to buy some gloves and a couple walked up to me and the woman said she knew me from High School (20 years ago). She introduced me to her husband Gary and they were too visiting the area because they lived several hours away in the rural country. I invited them to dinner at my hotel and during dinner Gary mention that they were swingers and Diana always wanted me. So after I paid for dinner we went up to my suite and we put on an adult movie to start things going. After a few Diana excused herself and came back in the room naked and sat in between Gary and myself. We both began to lick and suck Diana for awhile and then I got down between her legs licking out her dripping nectar. I was unaware that Gary had moved off the bed when all of a sudden I felt my cock being sucked. I looked down at Gary and back up at Diana, this is want they really wanted. Gary was very good and it was difficult not to cum right away, so we switched places and I licked the pre-cum off his cock. Later while experimenting my techique, I was able to deep throat his cock and could hear him moan out loud. Diana said not yet it is still early, so she suggested to me to fuck her while she suck Gary's cock. I never realized how sexy a body Diana had when I was in High School. Well we tried many different positions including Diana and I licking Gary's shaft at the same time as he came. We also DP Diana several times too. It seem like they both could not get enough. As soon as someone came, they were still making love to the other until they were hard again. We took a couple of 15 minutes breaks, but went right back to getting each other off until 4 am. I stopped and watched Gary and Diana go for another 30 minutes and took pictures of them with their camera. We never got a catch to see each other again but we stay in touch.

Silverwhisper, thank you for your honest answer to the questions!
I think I got the message clearly- be careful re STD- fully agreed.
Being with a friend could be good, but on the other hand I personally wouldn´t know- I havent shared this kinds of thoughts with someone close (yet?). But who knows?
It is good to read that it all felt naturally! That´s of course what we wish...

cruzn2u2,
thanks for this very explicit description. It seems you enjoyed the experience- great! I have to say, this wouldn´t be something for me- guess I am too straight!

Just found out

Well I was blown away lastnight as my girlfriend asked me if I would like a threesome mmmmmmm . So we talked about it and she does not know if she could invite another man into bed with us and would like too invite another girl . So hashed her if she had anyone in mind and she said no . So how do we go about this ? She said that she would like too get to know this person and not just wham bam thank mam type deal . So any Ideas ?????????
Thanks Damon

Seems a comparable situation- cannot give you advice (yet?)- let´s see what comes up!

My first one was MFF, but I'll answer your questions according to my experience. Hope it helps.

tomwantstosee said:

1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?

Click to expand...

In my case, it was with a friend. Some people may not prefer any emotional attachment, but I'd prefer it to be someone I have some sort of feeling about -- even if it's just enjoying their company -- than a stranger who I have no feelings for.

tomwantstosee said:

2. Once you meet, how did you start?

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I had been friends with the one girl for a couple years. The attraction was there, but it took some time for us to get to the point where we actually did anything sexual. It took me over a year to even get a kiss from her.

tomwantstosee said:

3. Did it feel natural?

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At first, I wasn't sure if it was going to even happen. We went to a room for that purpose, but the other girl seemed to be stalling at first. But once it got started, everything was perfect.

tomwantstosee said:

4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?

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In my case, if the energy is just right, I can go again with a short break, or even no break sometimes. In my case, I finished with the one girl, watched the two of them interact briefly, and then I was ready to go again with the other girl. When I finished with the other girl, the whole thing kind of wound down. I understand that not all guys are capable of going two rounds like that, and I'm even surprised that I'm able to at my age.

tomwantstosee said:

5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?

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I started out watching both girls as they kissed, groped, fingered, and sucked each other's tits. Then the one laid on her back while the other got on all fours and ate her out, giving her one orgasm after another, and I fucked her from behind. After I finished, the other girl sucked me for a little bit. Then the girls switched places, and I kissed and groped the other one. Then she sucked me and got me hard again (not that I needed much help -- the whole thing was pretty damn hot!), and I fucked the other girl from behind.

tomwantstosee said:

6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?

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Everyone enjoyed it, even the one girl who previously considered herself 100% straight. She's proven herself to be quite the adventurous one, and we've had all sorts of other crazy experiences since then.

Hi Shadowthief,
"we've had all sorts of other crazy experiences since then" sounds very much as if you enjoyed both the physical experience as well as the bravery and expansion of horizons.
Thank you for sharing these experiences and thoughts!

It is great to get comments back based on personal experience, and the thoughts behind advice etc. Especially good all the emotions that the experiences woke...
So far Lizzie was the only female leaving a comment, and that was on the question if sex with someone else was better. I wonder if any women had threesomes (must have had- otherwise the men couldn´t...) and would be willing to share their emotions and experiences as well.
There are some very hot stories about this here on lit, too, but sometimes it is not clear whether they were written by a man or a woman.

tomwantstosee said:

It is great to get comments back based on personal experience, and the thoughts behind advice etc. Especially good all the emotions that the experiences woke...
So far Lizzie was the only female leaving a comment, and that was on the question if sex with someone else was better. I wonder if any women had threesomes (must have had- otherwise the men couldn´t...) and would be willing to share their emotions and experiences as well.
There are some very hot stories about this here on lit, too, but sometimes it is not clear whether they were written by a man or a woman.

Click to expand...

I have done it, and groups as well, and I said what I said more as a reassurance. For me at least, the sex with my partner is better, regardless of the prowess of the others. That connection, that intimacy.

And with that, I'll answer the rest of your questions. Not only is my perspective female, but probably rather opposite to a lot of what the others have said.

tomwantstosee said:

My wife and myself have been fantasizing about a threesome (MMF) for a while, but are not yet completely certain how to put thoughts into reality (we are both straight). I wonder if anybody would be willing to share experiences, especially with regards to some questions:
1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?
2. Once you meet, how did you start?
3. Did it feel natural?
4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?
5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?
6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?
We currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. But then the question: How to chose one? (Any experiences in London/UK?)
Would be grateful for some shared experiences both from women and men.
Thank you in advance!

Click to expand...

1. For me, personally, it absolutely must be strangers. I prefer the clubs, or privately organised one on ones via the hook up websites. My partner tends to do the organising, I just look at pictures and profiles and decide who I like based on the options presented, and sometimes make a few phonecalls to organise details etc. I do not want to form an emotional bond with these people. It might be weird, but it's how I do it. It's not my first preference to do threesomes and things, but I've enjoyed group experiences. It's something I do mostly for my partner, and he accepts those parameters I prefer to have in place.

2. Getting naked is a good start. A few drinks, some touching and exploring, and then we get into it.

3. It feels natural enough. It just feels like fucking, and a bit of fun.

4. Generally, if we're in FFM, the other girl has a few orgasms and keeps on going. I rarely do at all. My partner has good stamina, so his usually comes towards the end, and that tends to wind things up. With MMF, same thing applies re me and my partner. The other dude usually tries to hold on as long as possible, and often his orgasm ends things.

5. Attempted dp a few times, it hasn't worked out. Otherwise oral/vag, oral/anal. My partner is the only one who gets near my ass.

6. I always end up enjoying myself. Sometimes more than others. I'm not sure why I have such reservations about it all, and then end up having fun. I really don't, but they're there.

tomwantstosee said:

1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?

Click to expand...

That depends on the people involved. My husband and I both prefer to be involved with people we know and at least care about, like close friends. But there are certainly distinct advantages to being with relative strangers.

3. Did it feel natural?

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In some ways, yes. Threesomes usually feel pornesque to me, though - like there's a certain amount of performance. I've had several, and some have felt more natural and less porn-like than others.

4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?

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Fine. I don't have a problem with taking breaks to reload, either, though.

5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?

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Oral, vaginal, and in one case, anal. In my first MFM, we all hopped in the shower together, which was pretty hot, even though it was a little cramped.

6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?

Click to expand...

I've never had a threesome that wasn't enjoyable for everyone.

We currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. But then the question: How to chose one? (Any experiences in London/UK?)
Would be grateful for some shared experiences both from women and men.
Thank you in advance!

Click to expand...

Check out different clubs and see which one(s) fit you two best. I'd suggest not going in expecting anything to happen, except perhaps great sex with your current partner. In my experience, people who go in with expectations or are looking particularly hard to meet a match often come across as unappealing and go home disappointed. Go as two people who really enjoy each other, and just see if you two have chemistry with anyone else. You're more likely to draw people to you if you're a couple who is genuine, fun, respectful, loving and sexual with each other, rather than one who's looking to get something done or overtly sexual with others.

Oh, and if you're writing a personal ad or whatever, and you're not looking for intentional touching between the males, you want to describe it as a MFM, not a MMF (the latter implies one male will be involved with the other male as well as the female).

Dear Lizzie, dear Erica,
it is good to read the "female perspective", too.
Lizzie, I admire you for doing all this for your partner mainly! But I guess there is something in for you as well. And interesting to see that you prefer strangers to friends- thoughts I can follow, too. Everything said seems reasonable, especially the strong connection to your partner. He must be very proud of you!
Erica, thank your for clarifying "MMF" and "MFM"- I am not experienced in these sort of acronyms, and alway thought this is just the number of involved males and females. One never stops learning...
It is good that all the encounters you had were enjoyable. This is encouraging.
And your comments regarding a club are highly appreciated! Will keep them in mind, if we decide to go. It is really difficult to find a club, as the comments on the websites are usually quite positive. Maybe there are some "test" websites- will search for these...

tomwantstosee said:

And your comments regarding a club are highly appreciated! Will keep them in mind, if we decide to go. It is really difficult to find a club, as the comments on the websites are usually quite positive. Maybe there are some "test" websites- will search for these...

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I'm not sure how they do it in London, but here nearly every club has some kind of intro/orientation for prospective or new members. These intros usually involve a tour of the space, overview of the rules, etiquette, tips for newbies, etc. If the clubs near you have these intros, I'd suggest checking them out (here they're free and no obligation).

You should also check out swinging and sex-positive personals sites. Again, I'm not sure what's available (and ideally free, or at least a free trial) London/the UK, but these sites can be a good place to get a sense of the type of people that go to certain clubs, ask for honest reviews and simply meet people. You may have far better luck online if you're seeking a single male, since most clubs don't allow them or severely limit the number of single men for each event.

I'm not sure if SwingersBoard has Brits or not, but if it does, that'd be a good resource for you to talk to people and ask for reviews on groups and clubs. If it doesn't, I'd suggest finding a similar discussion board for the UK or Europe.