Blood Lustre (Poetic Playground of Darkness)

Okay I realize Yeishia has a passionate poetry thread and I do indeed enjoy sharing my happier anecdotes and poetry with her; however I can get extremely dark and after some conversations with friends; I realized that this might be a good idea too.

I express and release my emotions in a safe haven; in my poetry where no one has a name...where I am free to just let go and have my hands fly over keys or scratch with a pen, it is one of my passions.

I do not in anyway declare myself good and I hope others will share their work with me! I only ever write when I am in an extreme amount of pain or feeling an extreme amount of elation...otherwise I can't write without it...

I welcome feedback in this thread also and I'm sure the other writers will also! Not everything you write has to have a title or a reason but if you'd like to share what you were feeling; I welcome that too!

So now; write to your darkest content!

Here are the entries, please click the title if it peeks your interest and feedback is always welcome!

PAGE 1

I just need You; my Master - by Monique_Minx

For all my control - by Monique_Minx

Story of a Minx - by Monique_Minx

You struck me - by Monique_Minx

Solamente Tuyo Mistress - by Monique Minx

Thank You - by Firmhanded_Daddy

Can you feel it now? - by Monique_Minx

Am I worth saving yet? - by Monique_Minx

Fighting for the rain - by Monique_Minx

Letting go - by xOxCherryxOx

A Glimmer in the Darkness - by Monique_Minx

Isolate a Liability - by Monique_Minx

I shut myself down - by Monique_Minx

My Suicide Note - by Monique_Minx

Twenty Years Long Dead - by Monique_Minx

In the clutches of the Rabbit Hole - by Monique_Minx

The Cynical Barbidoll - by Monique_Minx

Untitled - by EzraPound

Perpetual Ignorance - by Monique_Minx

Portrait of a False Photograph - by Monique_Minx

PAGE 2

Goodbye Grandad - by Monique_Minx

All Of Me Is For Your Leisure - by Monique_Minx

My Sinful Beauty - by Monique_Minx

Relatively Merciless - by Monique_Minx

Almost Like I Have A Conscience - by Monique_Minx

No Voices - by Monique_Minx

Mirror Mirror; The 2nd Frame - by Monique_Minx

So I Won't Fall - by Monique_Minx

Only Tears - by Monique_Minx

Not One Of Them Will Ever Know - by Monique_Minx

Memories Aren't Enough - by Monique_Minx

Why Do You Do What You Do? - by Monique_Minx

I Seem To Freeze - by Monique_Minx

I Fear It Alone - by Monique_Minx

Can I Do Nothing? - by Monique_Minx

Lunatic Fringe/Suicide Solution/Upon My Death - by Luna_Wolf72

You - by Luna_Wolf72

Wanted Curse - by Monique_Minx

When The Laughter Dies - by Monique_Minx

27 Things I Miss About You - by Monique_Minx

I Confess - by Princesssexci

Amy Winehouse - by Cosmic Knight

Nympho Bitch - by Monique_Minx

Delusional Inferiority - by Monique_Minx​

I just need you; my Master



Were I to dissolve into thousands of tears,
Will you be there to allay my fears?
Will you promise to always have faith in me?
Will you love like the sands of time have ceased?

I am but your broken servant,
And I am completely undeserving.
Now I see that I was afraid for good reason,
I know I am an unchanging season.

I’m terrified that I don’t have enough strength,
And I have held you at arm’s length.
I don’t want to hurt the one I love,
Yet you are one of which I can’t get enough.

I have spent hours crying,
Feeling like I should be dying.
On broken glass that I should crawl,
And still unworthy to have you at all.

Asking everyone if I am the worst,
And not believing any that I’m not cursed.
I cannot explain how I am feeling,
Only that you have left me reeling.

I feel sick to my stomach for what I have done,
I didn’t mean for you to feel like you were no one.
You are so much more than that to me,
Please, please my Master…come back to me?

I am your slave, your love, your helot still,
I am everything I was up until…
I am still for you, still only yours,
As to your pain…I hate to be the cause.

We are still worth fighting for,
You cut me deep when you called me a…
That’s not who I am but what I’m fighting against,
And it hurt me that you were so incensed.

If that’s all I am to you then walk away,
I’ll leave this fight for some other someday.
You’ve not lost this submissive,
But make no mistake; you were derisive.

I still submit freely, I still want your control,
But I’m not a toy, not a robot, not a doll.
I am human, I will mess up and it will hurt,
So then get angry or you will get burnt.

I am an emotional wreck because of you,
When you hurt I hurt, yes, I do!
It is too much to take and too often,
You need to yell more and not soften.

Quiet words do not reach me,
You cannot teach me.
My memory may be shot,
But my love, I am not.

Til you wounded me with that word,
And now I feel so much it’s absurd.
But I thought you wouldn’t abuse that power to make me sad,
I’d take it so much better if you would just get mad.

I can’t eat and I can’t sleep,
Trying to stop the tears I weep.
Trying to tire myself out,
Trying so hard not to doubt.

But I’m afraid of what will occur,
You’ll tell me what you would prefer.
And I fear we will clash,
I’ll lose you to a smash…

I wonder if you’re thinking of me now?
Do you know you still have my vow?
When you said you were shattered,
I suddenly realized how much I mattered.

I can’t help that my feelings are not as strong,
But I didn’t mean for this to go so damn wrong!
I am only yours my Master,
And yet this all became a disaster.

I spoke to my mother because I was so upset,
That’s the worst mistake I’ve made yet!
But I’m a human and I am a wreck,
But I think you can save me just yet…

Just give me time,
We are in our prime.
We don’t need to rush,
There is no fuss.

Just be for me, in the moment together,
Not for eternity, not forever.
I don’t need happily ever after,
I just need you; my Master…​

Your arms encircle me,
Your lips are sweet surrender.
Your embrace is warm and loving,
So delicate and tender.

My strength is yours,
Your strength is mine.
Forego all else,
We part in time.

Then what are we to be called?
If what we are knows no name.
Then we are worth it,
For I have no claim.

I lay no claim on your tight embrace,
I lose no sleep to the fight.
I wander aimlessly through your eyes,
And sleep restlessly though the night.

~II~

For when I'm broken and lost,
And I start to count the cost.
You're there to wrap me in tranquility,
And tell me I shan't fail easily.

And we both promised and tried,
But I failed and I cried.
I don't know what I'm wanting,
And the feeling is so daunting.

I don't know if you can give me what I need,
That which makes my heart ache and bleed.
A loss of complete control is required,
Or I'll destroy what you've admired.

I don't fear you, I fear myself,
I fear what I shall make of what you've felt.
I need to obey, I need to kneel,
Just to touch, just to feel.

The opposite of me makes me elated,
I know I make no sense but I have waited.
I cannot do it if you can't do it,
I need to know, you need to prove it.

I don't want to shred and destroy,
That brings only pain to my convoy.
I can't change who I am,
And I have tried all I can.

Sweet denial,
My eternal child!
Not a quick fix,
Just a near miss.

Please believe,
Don't deceive.
I cannot change,
You must arrange.

So when I'm broken and needing,
Heart torn and bleeding.
Will you break the promise?
Will you be honest?

Will you hold me to you?
Will you tell me the truth?
Will you be what I've needed?
Or am I to be cheated?

My head is confusing,
My heart is abusing.
So please set it straight,
Let it alleviate.

I am by nature devoted,
But I can't be noted.
Not if you can't take it,
Cause we'll never make it...

Take it from me...
Take my control.
Lead me to what I need,
Or we shall end in a nasty deed.

A battle to be fought,
A battle to be caught.
A battle to be won,
A tale to be spun...

Take my control...​

Story of a Minx

If you gave me a rose I would throw it away,
For all flowers that come here seek to die today.
Precious little attempts at stealing my heart,
A crock of shit right from the start.

I see straight through you and your desires,
My mind is the one thing that never tires.
I see you look me up and down,
Though you can't tell me my eyes are brown.

I smirk at you when you say you love me,
I snort when you say you can't live and let be.
I turn away from you when you say you'll die,
"Then kill yourself babe, I won't cry."

For all I am, I know I'm beautiful,
For all you are, you know I'm cruel.
But this is one thing I don't need,
Someone who tries to make me believe.

I don't have to look at you to know what you want,
I don't have to straddle you to feel that you've longed.
I don't have to arch back to make you cry out,
But I do because you know what I'm about.

I want to hear you beg me for release,
To see you before me on your knees.
To know that I'm all that's on your mind,
Stop feeding me another line!

I want to hear you moan my name,
I want to hear you say it again!
I love it when you kiss me goodnight,
I love it when you tell me 'sooo tight!'

You call me the queen of hearts one more time,
I'll be the queen of spades and growl 'you're mine!'
So slip between my legs, my lover
For tonight is better than any other.

Caress me softly and worship this night,
How long it took to be by my side.
You'll never know this pleasure,
What it is to have such a treasure.

Slip into sweet dreams and remember my embrace,
Twas the last thing you got before you slapped my face.
Beg me, need me and take me completely,
I smile, I laugh...you love so sweetly...

You need so much, I give so little,
You break so easily, how very brittle.
I'm so cold to all your words,
There's nothing there I haven't heard.

I'm the world's greatest fantasy,
For there is not another girl quite like me.
I can steal attention with a mere glance,
And brush it off with a guarded stance.

I'm an intimidation,
A lovely infatuation.
A tormenting obsession,
But no one's possession...

I'm the one to follow,
I'm totally hollow.
Void of emotion,
Yet I'm a love potion.

When I step up, you back down,
When I walk in, you turn around.
When I smile, you start to laugh,
When I glare, you fear my wrath.

When I cry, you feel bad,
When I get sore, you get mad.
When I bend over, you lose all comprehension,
When I dance, you tighten with intention.

This is how my world spins,
Where it ends and where it begins.
With legs for days and lashes for nights,
With shocking speech and claws for fights.

For there is nothing you can do,
When a Minx turns around and walks up to you.
I watch you become a quivering mess,
And smile cruelly knowing I've done what I do best.

So if you're unprepared for a Minx,
Watch what you say for you know not what she thinks.
I'll blow your mother fuckin' mind,
Turn around and leave you behind.​

You Struck Me

Hear it and taste it won’t you?
Feel it and know it don’t you?
Dying and aching for something not needed.
Now I just simply can’t believe it.

To trust so completely that I bleed inside,
To need so entirely that I run and hide.
I asked you not to break me and you shall,
I asked you not to shred my morale.

Few have the ability to completely decimate,
Few I trust, love and hate.
For yes it is possible to feel all at the same time,
And I can’t take this punishment for my crime.

Am I wrong to trust, love or hate?
Am I wrong to part and separate?
I don’t want to be broken in half,
Don’t you dare invoke my wrath!

Why did you lie to me?
How could you do that to me?
You of all people know what I’ve been through,
Know how hard it is to trust like I do.

Did I make a mistake?
Should I just be fake?
A plastic smile on a fake friend,
Just so you can have a happy end.

Once upon a time,
You darling, were mine.
You seem to forget I know you so well,
Though for us things went to hell.

Better apart than we were together,
Now you just want me for your pleasure.
I have few qualms in giving myself over,
You could get it from me dead sober.

And I could take it and I would love it,
Put everything and nothing above it.
But you lied and took me for a fool,
After so long you think I wouldn’t lose my cool?

You said you’d be honest, that you’d never lie,
I thought I could trust you to save me when I die.
No, not you my friend in the sky,
Who once made me soar and fly.

You now cause me to crash and burn,
It seems that I shall never learn.
I love you, I trust you and it’s never enough,
You’d think I’d know that I need to be tough.

But this isn’t the case and here I stand,
Another fallen on your demand.
A sword staked straight through my chest,
Now please leave me, let me rest.

For I can’t take it any longer,
I fought and fought but you were stronger.
Maybe this means less to you than me,
But if this is all we are, we can never be.

You struck me down my dear friend,
Please don’t let this be the end…


~ For the one that can make me fly, cry and die in a few words ~​

Solamente Tuyo Mistress



When I kneel before You and make this declaration,
I lay my heart on the floor as my proclaimation.
For You are all that matters deep down inside,
And I swear by Your rules I shall abide.

The 'F' that presses to my throat,
A constant reminder that threatens to choke.
But the metal caresses and kisses my neck,
Reminds me that Your love is no threat.

Amethyst and Opal set in the leather,
My hand in Yours as we journey together.
A mere symbol of the love between us,
And a divine example of blood lust.

I ache when I've displeased Thee,
My heart has become a piece of debris.
So please Mistress allow me to try once more,
I swear that it is You I adore.

So here I make my final pledge,
Never to allow another to wedge.
Never to allow another to play,
Never to allow another anyway.

The promise I make my Mistress is this,
Unless You wish it, I commit no kiss.
No touch, no embrace, no play of any kind,
Not ever again without Your piece of mind.​

Can you feel it now?



Can you feel it now?
Does it hit you anymore?
She can’t squeeze a tear out,
She feels numb, she is raw.
It didn’t happen to her,
But it sizzles in her chest.
She can see the images in her mind,
Feel her heart thump in her breast.
Tis a shattered beating vessel,
Empty with irreparable damage.
You can’t tell her otherwise,
For you’ve not felt her carnage.
She falls into an abyss of pain,
It tells her that she is not yet dead.
Keep walking she tells herself,
Focus on the agony instead.
Never spoilt a day in her life,
She works hard to no end.
But she loves the focus,
Loves something else to tend.
Can you feel it now?
Can you crawl through broken glass?
Tis the closest thing to her pain,
Tis the closest thing to her past.
She can share until she bleeds,
It will never, can never compare.
Words to emotions and the range,
You will never know her fare.
The fine she pays to keep living,
How she drowns and how she suffers.
So void yet so beautiful in its complexity,
So misunderstood by others.
Can you feel it now?
She needs not your sadness or your pity.
Sometimes she just wants you to learn,
So she can see her pain as something pretty.
A year passes by – she is abandoned,
A year passes by – a loved one dies.
A year passes by – her heart is broken,
A year passes by – she still cries.
Can you feel it now?
Does it make any sense?
Do you understand?
Are you still climbing her fence?
A year passes by – she is betrayed,
A year passes by – she is older.
A year passes by – she is assaulted,
A year passes by – no one told her.
For every year the pain worsens,
For every week brings a new trial.
For every time she stands and is knocked over,
For everyone to use and defile.
Her pain cocoons and embraces,
It loves, holds and never leaves.
It is a delightful torment to behold,
Enough to bring her to her knees.
Can you feel it now?
What it is to carry the world.
To hold a burden so great as to kill,
To see a carpet of torture unfurled?
No, you can’t feel it now,
No, you will never see.
For she stands alone with her pain,
For she, that girl…is me.


~Monique_Minx - 28/12/2009~​

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/CalMon.jpg

If I fall away what shall I miss?
I'll miss the people that now matter most.
My dad, my sisters, even my dog,
So I try to let go of the darkness I host.
I have painted and I have written,
My friends are supportive, even strangers are kind.
Still the world endeavors to make my life difficult,
And I want to cut the ropes, the ties that bind.
I want to be free to do what I want,
I want to be happy and for that I need closure.
I need the answers only that one person can give,
And because He's wrong He avoids exposure.
He won't talk to me, won't answer my queries,
And I want to know is He scared to feel?
I see a glimmer in the darkness,
And to me it seems real.
Hurting for so long and so much,
Wanting to voice my heart to everyone.
Afraid to hurt the ones I love,
And I'm shut down in all I've become.
I'm hiding behind closed doors,
I'm hiding something behind my eyes.
The pain and disbelief I feel,
All the unspoken sighs.
So this glimmer in the darkness,
Could it be what i was searching for?
Will it be something I can hold onto,
Or something I'll ignore?
I need the answers from Him and her,
I need the questions to stop coming.
I need to reach out and not be afraid,
I know all this and I'm still running.
Can't catch my breath,
Tripping over my feet.
For I've been running too long,
What am I going to meet?
Dead ends or no ends?
Heart breaks or heart aches?
True people or just fakes?
Somebody tell me about the Glimmer in the darkness...

~ Monique_Minx 2008 ~​

I shut myself down

I've created a space around me that not even I can touch,
Nothing pierces my heart anymore and it's like nothing is real.
I cry because I can't cry and I bleed because I'm numb,
But none of it is happening because I can't feel.
It's not there, the pain, the people, the emotions,
They're all just dreams to me now.
Like a curtain has been pulled over my memory,
And I can't escape cause I don't know how.
I want so much to make a new memory,
So that I have something more to hold on to.
Because everything that made me smile before,
Is slowly fading like it was never true.
Like I wasn't there and this isn't real,
I can't touch the people that once touched me.
I can't grasp a single thing and feel it,
It's like I can barely see.
Each kiss that once meant so much,
Can no longer be felt on my part.
I don't have any feeling for it,
I guess I shut down my heart.

I shut myself down...​

Twenty Years Long Dead

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/Monique/home298.jpg

Thirteen years old and starting high school,

Fourteen years old and acting the fool.

Fifteen years old and watching purity drain,

Sixteen years old and partying so insane.

Seventeen now and seeing my world fall apart,

Eighteen years on and a boy stole my heart.

Ripped it out and broke it in two,

Mummy left me outside, cold without a clue.

It made me filthy, it made me freeze,

It turned me into things you wouldn't believe.

I hate to be alone and I never used to be,

But now the universe has turned its back on me.

I'm destitute and shattered,

Broken by those who mattered.

The ones I loved were supposed to return it,

And by now I've more than simply earned it.

But all they did was leave gash's beneath my skin,

So they get pieces of me, tearing me limb from limb.

My bones too hard to feel the pain,

And all the blood just starts to drain.

Want to die but don't know how,

I just keep running through the crowd.

I don't have direction but I have to keep going,

Cause if I stop the tears start flowing.

Burning every memory inside my head,

And they'll kill me if I'm not already dead.

Braid my intestines to stop my guts from twisting,

Its been days and they don't know I'm missing.

They said they'd never hurt me and yet every one of them did,

Cause I don't fit into their picture perfect grid.

She can take it and I can take it no longer,

It's crushing my ribcage like an anaconda.

I've become a shell of myself because I can't trust,

If I do what I do it's only cause I must.

The fluff from baby toys still lay scattered on my floor,

I knifed them and I tore them and I shut the bedroom door.

I bid adios to my childhood in silence,

The toys beg me without words, don't defile us!

Too late to go back and too broken to go forward,

I pressed the button and flushed my life down the toilet.

I can't be cradled or held anymore,

My essence was crushed and what the hell for?

A fragment lies here or there,

Pieces of me are just everywhere.

And I'd give my life so my sisters could smile,

So if I do it on my twentieth I go out in style!​

In The Clutches Of The Rabbit Hole

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/RabbitHole.jpg

I hear you screaming, screaming at me,

Because you're still blind and you can't see.

You drove me to the curb, you kicked me out the door,

My head hurts, my bones ache and my body's sore.

You stuck the knife in and you broke it off,

Now it comes with me and jabs me when I'm soft.

It tears at the tender flesh beneath the blade,

But all the pain has started to fade.

Its become like a dream from someone else's life,

It's not my pain and there's no knife.

Every moment of happiness has ebbed away,

Nothing good can ever stay.

A week later things were still vivid and real,

Now the knife has sucked out how I feel.

And I watch you tell me things will be alright,

But I didn't give a shit this morning so why should I care tonight?

The shards of the smashed glass I threw cut open my feet,

The blood's pouring out though the cuts aren't deep.

And I grind my foot into the floor,

Just a little deeper, please a little more?

But as deep as it goes it isn't deep enough,

The threshold's too high and my skin's too tough.

I slip and fall in my own blood and flesh,

It's because you yell and scream and cause me stress.

You're in denial and you don't know me at all,

I can't stand any longer and so I crawl.

But family, friends you don't know who I am,

You don't see what isn't there, only what you can.

You don't go looking for what goes unseen,

And I just want to rip your insides out and scream.

I'm too much of a rogue and too much trouble,

You asked for agony so let me make it double.

Let me wander through your empty mind,

And fill it with the misery that you left behind.

I'm drowning in the water and I can't surface,

I don't have direction and I'm swimming without purpose.

So let me sink into the ocean's arms,

Release my hand and let me succumb to her charms.

I can never be set free so don't ever let me go,

There's only one way, down is all I know.

I sparkle here and there but it isn't much,

Falling down the rabbit hole and straight into the hutch.

Wanting so badly to feel and be felt,

In need of warmth so the ice will melt.

Flirting so obviously and teasing in vain,

But not getting anywhere and feeling the pain.

I don't get asked out and I don't know why,

I want to give up but I give it another try.

My heart won't stop searching for what it needs,

And it continues to look for the flower among the weeds.

I want to ask first but as I stare at my reflection,

I know that as hard as my heart is, it crumbles at rejection.

Can't take the risk and I keep wandering in search,

Hoping to be swept away but afraid of losing my perch.

The infection is spreading and I'm only getting worse,

Knowing I'm always second or last and never first.

Talking to guys I like but can't have,

Is sending me crazy and driving me mad.

And I can't have them only because I can't let them know,

But it's so painful cause I can't let any of them go.

Drowning in a disease of my own creation,

And yearning for no more than a single sensation.

But once you taste it you know you want it all,

So we're back to the beginning and I'm about to fall.​

The Cynical Barbidoll

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/CynicalBarbidoll-1.jpg

She drinks the red cordial, her tongue dives deep,
Drowning in the essence, watching blood seep.
And while she does so shadows dance,
They glide around her so entranced.
She doesn't notice but she wouldn't care,
She has nothing behind her, there's nothing there.
She won't turn back but she can't keep going,
And she needs to keep her blood flowing.
The bitter crimson is all she can taste,
A lick here and there, don't let it go to waste.
She can taste the garbage, she dispells the impurity,
She doesn't know when the cordial runs out, no certainty.
Metallic and true, it doesn't change,
But still people seem to think that's strange.
She can't share with family and she scares guys,
Cause she's not proper, she's not nice.
Cynical Barbidoll drinks in everlasting life,
She likes the taste and the tearing of the knife.
And she never wants kids, never wants to be a wife,
Wants to be free til the grim reaper comes with his scythe.
Struck her down and took her away,
She gets to be his bride today.
The red cordial runs dry and she tastes death at last,
Life dragged out forever but went by too fast.
Now she has nothing to show,
But she doesn't want you to know.
She knows you won't care and you don't notice,
She lost everything including your focus.


Forget the Cynical Barbidoll...​

Perpetual Ignorance

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/Womaninblack.png

My liver cries and my head screams

For I have suffered

I have suffered perpetual ignorance

I stopped listening long ago

Or maybe I just didn't care anymore

Either way I've become accustomed to the pain

And no longer pay any attention to my body's dying state

The uncontrollable urge to abuse myself consumes me

Naked, wrapped in a towel and puking for hours one night

And again when the sun goes down, the alcohol content within ascends

Blood, bile and stomach acid

All manner of putrid excretions fight their way out of my body

Leeching themselves from something far more vile - me.

My kidneys screech and my lungs are tarred

For I have accepted

I have accepted perpetual ignorance

Soberity comes with the sun and I tell myself never again

But with dusk comes perpetual ignorance

And mere hours pass til I'm hanging out a window vomiting my self-loathing

Crying out for help and begging for sweet death

In all that I hate and despise

I place myself as number one

I mutilate the thing that I can't cut out

I still don't understand the thing

But it needs to die inside of me

For it can not be removed

My muscles aching and my larynx burned

For I have stolen

I have stolen my perpetual ignorance

I trade happiness for decomposition

Exchange infinity for deformity

Deflate others so that they might notice the thing

The thing lives within and goes unseen

Only I know of the thing

But i can't explain it even to myself

I am plastic everlasting and this is my shell

But inside I am rotted, a festering disposal of waste

I'm a void, a deep abyss that sucks in garbage like a black hole

There's no bottom, no water for the bucket in my well

I am removed, displaced, eternal and disgraced

For I have needed

I have needed perpetual ignorance

It's continual, it's continuous

It's my perpetual ignorance.​

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm246/cynical_barbidoll/Blood_angel.jpg

I need to stop looking forward and start looking back

Because disappointment follows forward but then depression stalks looking back

So where do I avert my eyes when everyone lets me down?

Yesterday I was happy for tomorrow but today I am disillusioned once again

I've been defacated on and yet still love and don't say it

I don't give out lies but omit the truth to suit me

The last time I crawled inside a warmer bottle of Tequila

I drank until the river ran dry, the room swirled and I went blind

Music is life and I live for it each day

But to listen to it in my state will bring about certain decay

Disappointment is a bitter poison, a venom I devour daily

So would it disappear if I lost all value in every hope I sweetly cling to?

There's little point in a lie for when it is exposed the problems created from the exposure are worse than the lie itself

So I betray and portray myself to others in the worst way possible

With the truth.

By being who I am in my own constant state of disarray around the clock

And I may shock, rock and disappoint

But unlike so many others I remain true to the one person that will always matter most, the one person that will be by my side my whole life - me.

I can lie to others, I can lie to myself and make me believe what I want others to see

I just chose not to.

Because I chose to be honest.

I choose to be me.

How many of the billions in our population can be true and say the same?

Choices make a person who they are

Your decisions reflect your inner demons, desires and dreams

Each day with every step you take, every choice you make and every lie you fake, you create another small cell of your personality, your individuality.

Every loss, love, lie and living moment develops a new positive or negative in the photograph of your life.

It's not an album, just a single picture of your life.

And when it's over it goes into the scrap book without a word...

...just like the rest...​