Distance Domination-Support Thread

ecstaticsub said:

I'm baaaaack

Things are good...very good. We've hadn't had a lot of time to talk lately but we have been able to have some really great, more serious discussions.

Our normal everyday stuff can be quite vanillaish, but when we get into the serious stuff...mmmmmm it seems to bring out his super domly side which of course brings out my "oh, yes I remember my place" submissive side.

(not that I ever forget my place, but after all this time we are also best of friends and when life gets busy often that part of the relationship oversedes the D/s part)

I have some catching up to do....

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*huggles*

Glad things are going well.

the captians wench said:

*huggles*

Glad things are going well.

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Thanks..I missed you.

Hugs and kisses

ecstaticsub said:

Thanks..I missed you.

Hugs and kisses

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Awe

I missed you too. Kept looking for you. *giggles*

job well done!

Greetings,

I hope everyone had a happy and safe New Years!!! This is a time of reflection in my life, a time to look at myself honestly and deal with whatever issues are currently laying on the table. It's also a time for me to be grateful and celebratory for what I have, and the friends and family that I have. In keeping with that theme, I am very thankful for my Master and for this amazing year that we've had together. I celebrate this relationship because it is true and genuine. As a slave, I am continually growing in my submission to Him. I've made mistakes, and they have taught me how to be a better slave for Him. I am by no means perfect, but I elect to give myself a pat on the back for what I have accomplished this year under Masters tutelage, and I'm giving one to all my fellow subbies and slaves in the group too!!!! Cheers to one and all for being honest with yourself, knowing what you need, and not being afraid to go after it.

Happy New Year!!!
Tasty

His package is at the post office waiting for me.

Can't wait to pick it up tomorrow!

Once upon a time I was Franks_Angel ..... A family crisis came ab out on Christmas and Frank released me when I needed him the most. A Dominant I've known for several months stepped in, took me under his protection and on the 1st of the year I submitted to him.

I'm still hurt/angry that the man that was my Master could not "stand the rain" ... sighs.

I am glad my current Master was there to pick me up.

I'm sorry Ancilla for your hurt. I hope your current Master is able to support you and love you the way your last one couldn't. hugs

Tasty

Ancilla1968 said:

Once upon a time I was Franks_Angel ..... A family crisis came ab out on Christmas and Frank released me when I needed him the most. A Dominant I've known for several months stepped in, took me under his protection and on the 1st of the year I submitted to him.

I'm still hurt/angry that the man that was my Master could not "stand the rain" ... sighs.

I am glad my current Master was there to pick me up.

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is there any harm in becoming slave

whenever i read BDSM stories, i am fascinated by stories. and after that i am always dreaming i am a slave and some mistress orders me n humiliate me. i always likes these things in my dream. Is it true feeling or wat?
i am not able to come out of it.
can any one help me
thanx

Ancilla1968 said:

Once upon a time I was Franks_Angel ..... A family crisis came ab out on Christmas and Frank released me when I needed him the most. A Dominant I've known for several months stepped in, took me under his protection and on the 1st of the year I submitted to him.

I'm still hurt/angry that the man that was my Master could not "stand the rain" ... sighs.

I am glad my current Master was there to pick me up.

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All I want to say is, be careful....to me this seems like red flag time. I don't know either of you from a bar of soap but it seems too quick, you've got out of one relationship and jumped straight into another without taking time to grieve the loss and think about your feelings.

I also don't understand being under someone's "protection". What do you need protecting from? This new dom might seem like the knight in shining armour right about now, but is he really? He sounds like someone preying on someone else's vulnerability.....maybe I'm just being cynical

If he'd been there for you as a friend to lean on, then I might not be so concerned. But to submit to him just a few days after you were released from someone else....

Bandit58 said:

All I want to say is, be careful....to me this seems like red flag time. I don't know either of you from a bar of soap but it seems too quick, you've got out of one relationship and jumped straight into another without taking time to grieve the loss and think about your feelings.

I also don't understand being under someone's "protection". What do you need protecting from? This new dom might seem like the knight in shining armour right about now, but is he really? He sounds like someone preying on someone else's vulnerability.....maybe I'm just being cynical

If he'd been there for you as a friend to lean on, then I might not be so concerned. But to submit to him just a few days after you were released from someone else....

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I kind of had the same thoughts.

the captians wench said:

I kind of had the same thoughts.

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Me, too.

Submission is not like dating. It's not something where you go from one Master to another so quickly. I look at a D/s relationship like a marriage. It is a committment that should not be taken lightly.

Ancilla1968--I am truly sorry your previous relationship ended so badly. I hope this one works out for you.

Thanks guys LOL.. Actually I've known this Master for several months now. So it's not like "Hey you over there .. come here and support me!" LOL

As to protecting .... I don't know if anyone has had the experience of being released with no warning whatsoever. For me, at any rate, it was like being shot out of an airlock. I was left feeling like I was floating with nothing to hang onto and no one to speak to. Also .... Frank has not stopped trying to talk to me.

I also know submission is not like dating. believe me I know. In dating there is communication and choice. My former master decided we would not be together anymore and ... bingo .. we weren't. My decision to submit didn't happen overnight but his decision to cut me loose sure did. I'm really hoping you are looking at this and thinking "I can't imagine!" and I hope you never have to. What I went through was terrifying but my decision to move on was not made lightly, even if, to some it may appear "fast". I never asked how long one should mourn when they are ass raped *shrugs and sighs*

Pax

Ancilla1968 said:

Thanks guys LOL.. Actually I've known this Master for several months now. So it's not like "Hey you over there .. come here and support me!" LOL

As to protecting .... I don't know if anyone has had the experience of being released with no warning whatsoever. For me, at any rate, it was like being shot out of an airlock. I was left feeling like I was floating with nothing to hang onto and no one to speak to. Also .... Frank has not stopped trying to talk to me.

I also know submission is not like dating. believe me I know. In dating there is communication and choice. My former master decided we would not be together anymore and ... bingo .. we weren't. My decision to submit didn't happen overnight but his decision to cut me loose sure did. I'm really hoping you are looking at this and thinking "I can't imagine!" and I hope you never have to. What I went through was terrifying but my decision to move on was not made lightly, even if, to some it may appear "fast". I never asked how long one should mourn when they are ass raped *shrugs and sighs*

Pax

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aawww hunny, the ladies here weren't having a go, truly. they only have your best interests at heart and just making sure that you're looking after yourself. i know it's all a bit rough at the moment, but no-one here will do anything other than support and check up on you. speaking for myself, i try really hard not to judge and i don't think they were either. as long as you're ok and dealing with it in a way that feels right and good for you, then here's wishing you a swift move past the idiot that did that to you.

ladies, any good tips for jet lag for infrequent flyers in cattle class??

Ancilla1968 said:

Thanks guys LOL.. Actually I've known this Master for several months now. So it's not like "Hey you over there .. come here and support me!" LOL

As to protecting .... I don't know if anyone has had the experience of being released with no warning whatsoever. For me, at any rate, it was like being shot out of an airlock. I was left feeling like I was floating with nothing to hang onto and no one to speak to. Also .... Frank has not stopped trying to talk to me.

I also know submission is not like dating. believe me I know. In dating there is communication and choice. My former master decided we would not be together anymore and ... bingo .. we weren't. My decision to submit didn't happen overnight but his decision to cut me loose sure did. I'm really hoping you are looking at this and thinking "I can't imagine!" and I hope you never have to. What I went through was terrifying but my decision to move on was not made lightly, even if, to some it may appear "fast". I never asked how long one should mourn when they are ass raped *shrugs and sighs*

Pax

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I'm sorry if I came off as being less than supportive. As insert_____here said I wasn't judging.

The part I bolded in you response above concerns me a little. In dating there is communication and choice, and in a healthy D/s relationship there should be also. Perhaps even more communication. In neither do you have a choice if the other person wants to end the relationship.

Before I met Daddy I had met a guy from another site who I instantly connected with. I could feel the intense chemical attraction by the 2nd exchange of emails. He lived overseas but was coming to the states within the month and we were planning on meeting while he was visiting family. I had to cancel a week before hand due to a family emergency. While he was on his trip he called me and we spent 3 perfect hours on the phone together. Then he disappeared. I didn't hear from him again for about 6 months. I knew he was alive because occasionally I would see him appear and then quickly disappear off his yahoo messenger.

The point I'm trying to make is I understand the pain when someone just breaks off a relationship suddenly. It can happen in all kinds of relationships.

I don't think a person should have a period of mourning between Dominants...but I do think it helps to have a period of freedom. I went almost from the man mentioned above to Daddy but....I didn't become his submissive for 4 months later and then collared 2 months after that. (I also knew Daddy as an online friend even before I met the other guy)

I'll be honest with you about something though...one of the reasons red flags went up with me when you talked about going from one Master to another is that I am very protective of long-distance domination relationships. I know that one of the reasons some others are critical of us is the concept of the velcro collar. Which is a collar than easily comes off and on with each new Master.

My submission is sacred to me. I did not offer my submission lightly nor was it accepted without deep consideration.

Do you submission the way you want. Even if your collar is a velcro collar (I am not saying it is...) you have the right to do as you please. In reality how you view your submission has no effect on mine.

I do sincerely wish you all the best

(and as long as the ass rape was by Daddy I wouldn't be morning at all )

insert____here said:

ladies, any good tips for jet lag for infrequent flyers in cattle class??

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How manyhours will you be inflight?

insert____here said:

aawww hunny, the ladies here weren't having a go, truly. they only have your best interests at heart and just making sure that you're looking after yourself. i know it's all a bit rough at the moment, but no-one here will do anything other than support and check up on you. speaking for myself, i try really hard not to judge and i don't think they were either. as long as you're ok and dealing with it in a way that feels right and good for you, then here's wishing you a swift move past the idiot that did that to you.

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Thank you .. I understand that .. just ... yesterday was one REALLY bad day LOL

Ancilla1968 said:

Thanks guys LOL.. Actually I've known this Master for several months now. So it's not like "Hey you over there .. come here and support me!" LOL

As to protecting .... I don't know if anyone has had the experience of being released with no warning whatsoever. For me, at any rate, it was like being shot out of an airlock. I was left feeling like I was floating with nothing to hang onto and no one to speak to. Also .... Frank has not stopped trying to talk to me.

I also know submission is not like dating. believe me I know. In dating there is communication and choice. My former master decided we would not be together anymore and ... bingo .. we weren't. My decision to submit didn't happen overnight but his decision to cut me loose sure did. I'm really hoping you are looking at this and thinking "I can't imagine!" and I hope you never have to. What I went through was terrifying but my decision to move on was not made lightly, even if, to some it may appear "fast". I never asked how long one should mourn when they are ass raped *shrugs and sighs*

Pax

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Gotta mirror ES here.

I've been there, several times, both online and off. I was lucky that through all of them I had Jounar there supporting me, but every breakup was kind of an akward period in our relationship.

I can't tell you how many fellows just stopped contacting me because they got bored with me, or I refused to do something on my hard limit list, or I took them seriously when they told me they wanted to have face to face contact, or I talked too much about non sex things...and so on and so on.

It seems to be the way of the web, unfortunately. Finding that perfect match is hard, even harder in a world where people use the space to be some one they want to be/imagine they are/what ever, insted of who they truely are. #1 on that list up there, married men sneaking around with out their wife's knowledge.

It's hard. All break ups are. Hell Jounar and I have had a falling out or two. The difference there is he loves me and cherishes me, he had decided that it was the right thing for me and nothing I could say in that moment could change his mind. But he didn't hide away like so many others did. It took about a month to get past that hurt and betrail of him making that decition with out any imput from me at all, but I did, and I'm glad things worked out the way they did.

I've always been lucky to have great support in my life. Even durring that time I just mentioned. But I'm a comunicator, I think that's part of what draws people to me.

Like ES, I'm not saying you have to hide away and morn the fallen relationship. But post breakup stage has always been a time for me to evaluate what I want from a relationship, what I need, what I can settle on, what I think went wrong, how and if I could correct that next time, and a whole lot of other self exploration. Some people don't need that.

All the best.

insert____here said:

ladies, any good tips for jet lag for infrequent flyers in cattle class??

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You know, I didn't get jet lag going to Ireland. I did take a short nap when I got to the hotel, but after that I didn't really feel tired.

Comming home, however, it hit me hard. In both cases though I think it was my state of mind. I was excited to go to Ireland, and majorly depressed when I had to come home.

But I was given these tips, drink lots of water, and take two tylenol before flight.

ecstaticsub said:

I do sincerely wish you all the best

(and as long as the ass rape was by Daddy I wouldn't be morning at all )

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I was never collared to my former Master and I think any god who will listen FOR that. I am not collared to this one either. we talked long before I was released from Frank .... and I willbe collared before I marry ... I will never marry again.

Alas .... collars ... I understand what you are saying about collars being like wedding rings ... alas ... play collars are constantly used. Would you give someone a play wedding ring? Once I talked to Master about that it was decided .. he will never put a play collar on me ... I will have a collar or I will not ..... no "playing" with something as important as that. So my collar is not velcro ... it does not exist and it will not until I feel it is right to wear and he feels it is right to give.

With Master I COMMUNICATE .... not begin to give my opinion to have myself cut off over the phone or having my lips pinched in real life.

Live and learn .....\

the captians wench said:

I've always been lucky to have great support in my life. Even durring that time I just mentioned. But I'm a comunicator, I think that's part of what draws people to me.

Like ES, I'm not saying you have to hide away and morn the fallen relationship. But post breakup stage has always been a time for me to evaluate what I want from a relationship, what I need, what I can settle on, what I think went wrong, how and if I could correct that next time, and a whole lot of other self exploration. Some people don't need that.

All the best.

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Thanks hun, again LOL. I am a communicator as well .... it was my master tried to get that out of me .... and now .. I can tryand go back. BUT ... there is still the fear of lightening striking twice despite the fact that these are two different men and completely different circumstances.

I don't need a lot of mourning, although in this case I am really just now coming out of the shock of the situation ..... that and I am getting emails from people warning me (a day late and a dollar short) about my former master doing this to others before me)

Ancilla1968 said:

Thanks hun, again LOL. I am a communicator as well .... it was my master tried to get that out of me .... and now .. I can tryand go back. BUT ... there is still the fear of lightening striking twice despite the fact that these are two different men and completely different circumstances.

I don't need a lot of mourning, although in this case I am really just now coming out of the shock of the situation ..... that and I am getting emails from people warning me (a day late and a dollar short) about my former master doing this to others before me)

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Unfortunately that tends to be the way of the web, and one of the reasons that we LDers get such a bad wrap.

Anyone who tries to cut my openion short gets a big spoon full of "back the fuck off". Of course, it wasn't always this way. The crowd I ran with at first were big into the "slaves have no say" deal, at least, they projected that, it wasn't as black and white as I thought it was I would find out later. But that first exposure, combined with a lot of Gor novels led me to a place where "what ever you want I want" was my answer to everything and Jounar put a quick smack down on that. *giggles*

The whole lips locked slave works for some people, and if it works grand, for me it doesn't, and more importantly for us it doesn't. This is all about finding out what works and what doesn't...just like normal dating. The idea that the D/s world and "vanilla" world are two completely different universes is just bullshit, IMO.

the captians wench said:

Unfortunately that tends to be the way of the web, and one of the reasons that we LDers get such a bad wrap.

Anyone who tries to cut my openion short gets a big spoon full of "back the fuck off". Of course, it wasn't always this way. The crowd I ran with at first were big into the "slaves have no say" deal, at least, they projected that, it wasn't as black and white as I thought it was I would find out later. But that first exposure, combined with a lot of Gor novels led me to a place where "what ever you want I want" was my answer to everything and Jounar put a quick smack down on that. *giggles*

The whole lips locked slave works for some people, and if it works grand, for me it doesn't, and more importantly for us it doesn't. This is all about finding out what works and what doesn't...just like normal dating. The idea that the D/s world and "vanilla" world are two completely different universes is just bullshit, IMO.

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You read Gor ..... just .... my condolences .....

I understand what say slaves have ... and it was why my lips got pinched so much LOL. Master now says he will place a finger on them when I begin to ramble (which I am wont to do .....

I agree with your assessment of bullshit. D/s and vanilla are more similar than many people like to think .....

Ancilla1968 said:

You read Gor ..... just .... my condolences .....

I understand what say slaves have ... and it was why my lips got pinched so much LOL. Master now says he will place a finger on them when I begin to ramble (which I am wont to do .....

I agree with your assessment of bullshit. D/s and vanilla are more similar than many people like to think .....

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I enjoy it. *shrug* And most of my begining training was as a Gorean slave. But it's just not something that works for me long term.

This question is not specifically for Ancilla but this conversation made me think of something..

What is the difference between becoming a submissive to a particular dominant and being collared in your opinion? I think this would differ in the reality that is LDRs and on-line as opposed to people who live closer to their PYLs.

For me once he accepted my gift of submission (yeah, I'm a gifter ) I became asubmissive, his submissive. Before that I was just a kinky girl with submissive personality traits.

Once I became his submissive he slowly introduced rules that I had to follow. Some were immediate (like no cybersex with other men, no posting naked pics on the net without his permission) other we introduced slowly. It was at this point that he (and I) considered me owned property.

I guess it was about 6 weeks later we met in person for the first time. At that point I was "collared" (though my collar is really a ring, I have play collars but they are used mostly just to have something to attach a leash or bondage material to)

There was no real difference in my behavior or level of commitment between before collaring and after. It became more solidified...if I can say more real in my mind but truthfully I think it was more that we finally got to hold each other then any act of collaring that made me feel that way.

It also wasn't until that point that I started calling him Daddy.

As far as being a submissive in training I consider myself still in training, though the first year was the hardest and most stormy as I learned my place in the relationship.

I, personally, don't believe there is any right or wrong way of defining collaring, owned, being a submissive, in-training etc I was just curious how others did it?

the captians wench said:

I enjoy it. *shrug* And most of my begining training was as a Gorean slave. But it's just not something that works for me long term.

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I'm an author. the Gor books were written by a philosophy professor ... it taught me that philosophy professors should keep their day jobs ....

As the the lifestyle it spawned ... it has always been difficult for me to understand the transition from fiction to real life, but again.. it's me.