Bad taste jokes

Holocaust jokes and 9/11 jokes. Now we're talking.

John Doe said:

That reminds me another one...

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.

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That reminds me of my favorite:

What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's dick.

tinylittlegnat said:

why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?

to see the expression on their face!

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Why do you put a baby in the blender head first?
To see its toes curl.

tinylittlegnat said:

****
how do you fit 25 jews in a vw bug?

2 in the front seat 2 in the back and 21 in the ash tray

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LOL

That's so bad!

MechaBlade said:

Holocaust jokes and 9/11 jokes. Now we're talking.


That reminds me of my favorite:

What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's dick.


Why do you put a baby in the blender head first?
To see its toes curl.

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What song did they play at Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun's wedding?

If I knew You Were Coming I would Have Baked a Kike.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1gfZwejPv8

mark197205 said:

Rolf Harris is doing the artwork for the upcoming Michael Jackson tour, as a thank you Jacko is doing two little boys at the end of each gig...

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*snerk*

geronimo_appleby said:

*snerk*

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Eyethangewe..

How do you make copper wire?
2 Jews fighting over a penny

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?
a pizza can feed a family of 4

What happens when a blonde and a Mexican have a baby?
they get a kid who spray paints his name on a chain link fence

I heard my son's friends call my wife a MILF. I found out it means Mums I'd Like to Fuck.

Imagine my delight when I heard my daughter's friends call me FILF.

Then I realised they were looking at my kiddie porn collection.

cricketbug said:

How do you make copper wire?
2 Jews fighting over a penny

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man?
a pizza can feed a family of 4

What happens when a blonde and a Mexican have a baby?
they get a kid who spray paints his name on a chain link fence

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LOL

Whats the object of Jewish football?

To get the quarter back.

"Hey, Tom, I heard what happened! You were playing golf with Mike and he had a heart attack and dropped dead and you had to carry him all the way back to the clubhouse by yourself! That must have been awful for you!"

"It wasn't so bad. The tough part was putting him down and picking him up again after every stroke."

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

Karen Kraft said:

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

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Ah, the Chicken Answers!


Why did the chicken cross the road?


Star Trek:

Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


H.P. Lovecraft:

To escape the horror on this side of the road, the most blasphemous eldritch abomination of elder night ever to seep forth upon an unsuspecting world from the interstitial blackness of non-Euclidean space and stalk cloven-hooved across the bleak and tenebrous wastelands of eleven overwritten pages.


Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy:

Every chicken civilization on every planet ascends through three stages:

1. SURVIVAL: How can we cross the road?

2. INTROSPECTION: Why do we cross the road?

3. SOPHISTICATION: Don't you think the road on the other side of the hill has ever so much more tone?


Star Trek again:

To get away from Kirk. And you don't want to know any more than that.


Star Wars: The Bantam Menace:

It was seduced by the lure of power promised by the Other Side of the Road.


Babylon 5:

Delenn: "Every road has three sides: This side, the Other side, and the Chicken side."


The Adventures of Doctor Eszterhazy, by Avram Davidson):

Eszterhazy had long made a habit of keeping several enquiries in progress, in some manner or other, simultaneously, hopeful to inoculate himself against the sense of ennui and listlessness that often ensued upon the successful conclusion of an enquiry. And on this morning, while attempting to concentrate his mind on the far more pressing (indeed, to be sure a matter of national security and international tranquility) matter of the theft of the Cyprus Regalia from the Crypt of St. Sophie, he found his attention inexplicably but inexorably diverted to the mystery of the Chicken Who Crossed the Road. It would appear to the casual observer that the worms and corn were as abundant upon the Hither Side of the road as upon the Thither Side, the gravel bits as bright and appealing, the hens as plump and complaisant. Yet Eszterhazy -- he more than many others -- could readily empathize with the creeping restlessness that could make the near and comfortable side of the road appear stale through familiarity, the unknown far side an inviting field of discovery and possibilities. Just so, but it would be an error of sophomoric dimensions to assume, without more evidence, that a course of action appealing to Eszterhazy might be similarly appealing -- or appealing for similar reasons -- to a Gallus gallus. As he selected from his humidor, clipped, lit, drew, and meditatively puffed upon a Trichonopoly cheroot, Eszterhazy ruminated (ruminated? aviated? gallicated? brooded? nay, not brooded) upon the words of the so-called Baconian Addendum to the Malleus Maleficarum: "The mind of a chicken is not the same as the mind of a man." And that, indeed, might well be the answer. But, Eszterhazy wondered, to which question?


Plato:

For the greater good.


Karl Marx:

It was a historical inevitability.


Machiavelli:

So that its subjects will view it with admiration,as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such aparagon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.


Hippocrates:

Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.


Jacques Derrida:

Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!


Thomas de Torquemada:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.


Timothy Leary:

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.


Douglas Adams:

Forty-two.


Nietzsche:

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.


Oliver North:

National Security was at stake.


B.F. Skinner:

Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.


Carl Jung:

The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.


Jean-Paul Sartre:

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.


Ludwig Wittgenstein:

The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of thi potential occurrence.


Albert Einstein:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.


Aristotle:

To actualize its potential.


Buddha:

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.


Howard Cosell:

It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.


Salvador Dali:

The Fish.


Darwin:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.


Emily Dickinson:

Because it could not stop for death.


Epicurus:

For fun.


Ralph Waldo Emerson:

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.


Johann von Goethe:

The eternal hen-principle made it do it.


Ernest Hemingway:

To die. In the rain.


Werner Heisenberg:

We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.


David Hume:

Out of custom and habit.


Jack Nicholson:

'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.


Pyrrho the Skeptic:

What road?


Ronald Reagan:

I forget.


John Sununu:

The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.


The Sphinx:

You tell me.


Mr. T:

If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!



Henry David Thoreau:

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.


Mark Twain:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.


Molly Yard:

It was a hen!


Zeno of Elea:

To prove it could never reach the other side.


Chaucer:

So priketh hem nature in hir corages.


Wordsworth:

To wander lonely as a cloud.


The Godfather:

I didn't want its mother to see it like that.


Keats:

Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.


Blake:

To see heaven in a wild fowl.


Othello:

Jealousy.


Dr Johnson:

Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.


Mrs Thatcher:

This chicken's not for turning.


Supreme Soviet:

There has never been a chicken in this photograph.


Oscar Wilde:

Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarouis inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.


Kafka:

Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.


Swift:

It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.


Macbeth:

To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.


Whitehead:

Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.


Freud:

An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)


Hamlet:

That is not the question.


Donne:

It crosseth for thee.


Pope:

It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.


Constable:

To get a better view.

Karen Kraft said:

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the opossum it could be done.

love these

Fagin said:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the opossum it could be done.

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Bush is talking to Obama.

Bush says, "Say there, Obama. I've been having trouble pleasing Laura in the sack. Now, I've heard you Black fellas are truly gifted. You got any advice? President to President?"

Obama says, "We aren't gifted, George. All men are equal. But we brothers know a secret technique. Here's what you do. After Laura goes to bed, you turn off all the lights. Walk up to the bed in the dark, whip out your dick, and smack her in the skull with it as hard as you can. Eight or ten times. Not only will that show her who's boss, but it will make your dick swell up to twice its normal size. Sure to please."

Bush thanks him and goes home to try it that very night.

Laura goes to bed. Bush creeps up in the dark. He whaps his dick against her head twelve times.

Laura says, "Barack?"

Solid Muldoon said:

Bush is talking to Obama.

Bush says, "Say there, Obama. I've been having trouble pleasing Laura in the sack. Now, I've heard you Black fellas are truly gifted. You got any advice? President to President?"

Obama says, "We aren't gifted, George. All men are equal. But we brothers know a secret technique. Here's what you do. After Laura goes to bed, you turn off all the lights. Walk up to the bed in the dark, whip out your dick, and smack her in the skull with it as hard as you can. Eight or ten times. Not only will that show her who's boss, but it will make your dick swell up to twice its normal size. Sure to please."

Bush thanks him and goes home to try it that very night.

Laura goes to bed. Bush creeps up in the dark. He whaps his dick against her head twelve times.

Laura says, "Barack?"

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Now that is fucking funny!!

Solid Muldoon said:

Bush is talking to Obama.

Bush says, "Say there, Obama. I've been having trouble pleasing Laura in the sack. Now, I've heard you Black fellas are truly gifted. You got any advice? President to President?"

Obama says, "We aren't gifted, George. All men are equal. But we brothers know a secret technique. Here's what you do. After Laura goes to bed, you turn off all the lights. Walk up to the bed in the dark, whip out your dick, and smack her in the skull with it as hard as you can. Eight or ten times. Not only will that show her who's boss, but it will make your dick swell up to twice its normal size. Sure to please."

Bush thanks him and goes home to try it that very night.

Laura goes to bed. Bush creeps up in the dark. He whaps his dick against her head twelve times.

Laura says, "Barack?"

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love it. . . . .the joke i mean

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of my pool?

A baby with slashed floaties

Karen Kraft said:

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA this made me smile! and LAuugh!

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?

He breaks his nose.

Karen Kraft said:

What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?

He breaks his nose.

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funny but wrong

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands!

no comment!