The Maiden Series

Let me start off by saying that these poems are about a certain young lady. No, they are not sexual, just my feelings on a page. I hope you enjoy they and maybe I'll post some more. Well, here goes nothing.

http://i232.photobucket.com/albums/ee270/semeron20/private/2fol.jpg


The Maiden With The Violet Hair

I saw her once and then again,
the maiden with the violet hair;
With eyes shinning bright and warm,
with skin as soft as it was fair.
Once she tempted me with words so coy,
twice she promished her sweetest touch;
but when she stood at my doorstep,
I think I scared her way too much.
For with hurried words and blushing cheeks,
she turned and fled from there;
And I was left laying alone wishing all the while,
for the maiden with the violet hair.


Words for the Maiden

The colors run together, the light turning to black, while words are spoken then replaced and in the end are taken back. And as the daylight spins, fading into night. Darkness fall around me, robbing me of my sight. I can here spoken words, the once I wish unsaid. But still they come and fill my mind, and tug at my hearts strings. What was once so near is now so far and in it's place something of someones design. And though it's true that it is so lovely, even maybe wonderous to behold, never could it replace what has gone and left me alone. but how can you think that I would not know, that I could not feel that energy's flow. How could you not think that i would not see, even though the light is gone. That I would not see through the words, see through the darkness and see what is now before my eyes. But I will walk this path forced apon me, I will take this road until the end, but know that I will not forget where it all began. I will remember with advantages all that was said and done. And although the battle, no the war's not over, it seems another's won. So, I will walk my path with a swagger and smile painted on my face. Speaking kind words to those that somehow stole my sight and replaced with the blackest night. But I will hover in the shadows and linger on the edge of the fire's light. I will be the one listening quietly as the tales begin to spin, outside in the coldest winter night, silently looking in.


Maybe It Was My Fault

Maybe it was my fault
For chasing after dreams;
For trying to catch rainbows
And chasing unicorns through the streams.
Why did I hold on so tight?
Maybe I should have let you go;
Why did i try to keep you near me,
When I know you weren't mine to hold.
But still at the back of my mind
I thought that I could hold you tight;
To keep you from this cruel world
And guard you from the darkenst night.
But maybe I was just a fool
And maybe I was to blame,
For trying to hold you close
And shelter you from the driving rain.
But my arms are not the ones you seek,
Nor do they have the warmth your crave;
And nothing can change that fact,
No actions, no words to you I say.
So I will watch you from afar,
Taking what small words of hope you say;
Letting them bring me some small comfort
As somehow, I continue along my path each day.


Loss of a Maiden


It always seems that when I am happy
Life always finds a way to bring me down;
words that once filled my heart with joy
only haunt me and fill me with pain.
Why is that it hurts when I take a breath
when you are no longer by my side?
Why does it seem the heavens send the rain,
a drop for every tear I've cried.
Why, when I am so used to seeing you,
do I suddenly find myself alone?
Alone to wander in the darkest night,
Stumbling to try to find my way back home.
Do you not know I care for you,
that your smallest word gave me wings?
Did you never understand that in your smile
I could hear the heavenly angels sing?
I'm sorry if I never told you I cared
or showed you how much you ment to me,
Now you are no longer by my side,
And all because of my folly.
Know that my heart will miss you sorely
And that my eyes will never dry;
Until that day they behold you
As you are once again by my side.


Hope you all enjoyed them. Any comments or criticism is much appreciated.

Welcome and Keep Writing!

Kurizu said:

For chasing after dreams;
For trying to catch rainbows
And chasing unicorns through the streams.


Hope you all enjoyed them. Any comments or criticism is much appreciated.

Click to expand...

Not saying you can't write good poetry with rainbows and unicorns, but in most poems it tends to leave them sounding like the writings of teen girls. Yes, I did write unicorn poetry when I was a teen.
At the moment I'm not sure what else to say about your poetry, so I'll leave you with something I posted in another "new" poet's thread:

Poetry Writing Tips
Show, don’t tell
Do more with less
Start with basics – not rhyme
Match sound with meaning
Use rhythm & line breaks
Compare with similes and metaphors
Create vivid imagery
Be specific
Use memory
Exploit the senses

Poetry Starting From Scratch by Michael A. Carey

WickedEve said:

Not saying you can't write good poetry with rainbows and unicorns, but in most poems it tends to leave them sounding like the writings of teen girls. Yes, I did write unicorn poetry when I was a teen.
At the moment I'm not sure what else to say about your poetry, so I'll leave you with something I posted in another "new" poet's thread:

Poetry Writing Tips
Show, don’t tell
Do more with less
Start with basics – not rhyme
Match sound with meaning
Use rhythm & line breaks
Compare with similes and metaphors
Create vivid imagery
Be specific
Use memory
Exploit the senses

Poetry Starting From Scratch by Michael A. Carey

Click to expand...

Need I remind you of this poem dare? MMM?

This is in response to a dare placed on me by one of our moderators. With much honour and reverse pride at stake, I could not refuse. Please, don't let this define the limits of my talent (whatever it may be) but instead, accept it for what it is... A truly shitty poem.

champagne1982 said:

the ill-mannered stud lets go a hot stream
that lands on her lace hem to stink and steam.

With loud guffaws at her righteous disgust
he belches as he drops his foul shit just

Click to expand...

Um... That kind of takes the cuteness out of the unicorns and rainbows. lol

Gave me a few good chuckles

champagne1982 said:

Need I remind you of this poem dare? MMM?

This is in response to a dare placed on me by one of our moderators. With much honour and reverse pride at stake, I could not refuse. Please, don't let this define the limits of my talent (whatever it may be) but instead, accept it for what it is... A truly shitty poem.

The Ugly Side Of Fairytales

Out in the misty boggy bottom land
there waits a sweet virgin with proffered hand
to stroke the horn of the beauteous beast
as he drools over the freshly laid feast

He stands strong and straight. His great head held high
in shadows dark beneath a grey lit sky,
with rude comment he turns on his sharp heel
and loudly critiques his previous meal

the flatulent spew of this horse's ass
leaves the maid green from the sulphuric gas
he lets rip through the dawn and birdie song.
Then he air wipes the snot dangling down long

and gelatinous from his Roman nose.
With patrician disdain he sniffs at the rose
bushes that litter this quiet clearing
and snorts at the maid who recoils, fearing

his unrestrained passing of body waste.
Much to her dismay, in spite of her haste
the ill-mannered stud lets go a hot stream
that lands on her lace hem to stink and steam.

With loud guffaws at her righteous disgust
he belches as he drops his foul shit just
in front of her toes. She squealed as she ran
to the side of the pond where she began

laughing hysterically at this odd day,
her precious innocence out on display
to entice this boor into the strong net
of her father who she hopes will now get

a fabulous price for the mystical horn
that grows out of the head of the unicorn.
Maybe tomorrow she'll pick him a rose
as he lays dying 'neath brilliant rainbows.​

Click to expand...

Many fairy tales are somewhat ugly, here's a new one!
Have never seen a unicorn, but did see the end of the rainbow once - I followed a rainbow one afternoon and it ended right in front of the Coor's plant in Golden

WickedEve said:

Not saying you can't write good poetry with rainbows and unicorns, but in most poems it tends to leave them sounding like the writings of teen girls. Yes, I did write unicorn poetry when I was a teen.
At the moment I'm not sure what else to say about your poetry, so I'll leave you with something I posted in another "new" poet's thread:

Poetry Writing Tips
Show, don’t tell
Do more with less
Start with basics – not rhyme
Match sound with meaning
Use rhythm & line breaks
Compare with similes and metaphors
Create vivid imagery
Be specific
Use memory
Exploit the senses

Poetry Starting From Scratch by Michael A. Carey

Click to expand...

Also proof your work - don't count on a spellchecker, it'll check if it finds it a word, but may not be right. I noticed a couple of words which seem to be wrong in the context. And I think poems are easier to proof than prose - I know in working on some papers for publication that after a while I just couldn't do any more - too much familiarity.
That said, I can see your feelings come out (probably like many others, I have similar feelings). I hope the writing helps there, rather than being a painful reminder of things past.

i want to thank everyone who has responded. I will take all your words to thought as I continue to write