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making my boyfriend a dom

missxruin

missxruin

Really Experienced
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Posts
166
so we've both decided that we want to make bed time a bit fruiter, and he says he wants to make me his bitch. im absolutely up for it, but he says he doesnt really know what to do.
can you guys give us an inspiration for our first whirl at it?
 
missxruin said:
so we've both decided that we want to make bed time a bit fruiter, and he says he wants to make me his bitch. im absolutely up for it, but he says he doesnt really know what to do.
can you guys give us an inspiration for our first whirl at it?
Click to expand...

I think the first thing to think about is doing the BDSM checklist, I'm sure you can google it easily if it is not already stickied somewhere here.

Also, search through the BDSM stories here or other movies and see what both of you enjoy, that should give you some good starting ideas. The most important thing is to talk about what happens/what you want to have happen, and to keep the lines of communication open.
 
check out some of the threads see what it is that really interests you. If you're gonna try something have a safeword so you just have to say that to make him stop. Oh yes, HAVE FUN:)
 
the two big ones (checklist, and safeword) were already covered. they are both great advice, and id follow through with them.

the next big one, and arguably the biggest one, is communication. ask his what he means by making you his bitch. if you are on the same page, thats wonderful! however, if he wants to dress you up in a diaper, but a leash on you, and make you lick his boots, and you were thinking more along the line of tie your arms to the bed and fuck you... well you see where i'm going. people say silence is golden, but in this situation, silence leads to miscommunication, which leads to bad experiences and ruined relationships. especially before the first time, you will want to talk with him about what you both are expecting.

there are about a million threads on lit, both currently active and accessible through the oh-so-fickle search function (if it gives you trouble, just post something about it, odds are someone will be able to find what you are looking for). they are great research material. the people themselves are also great resources, so feel free to ask any questions.

welcome to lit :devil:
 
And don't forget for you both to spend a few hours (/days/weeks?) perusing the BDSM Library and the many, many topics there to see what interests you, both individually and collectively.
 
mechanics

I would also throw in for Him , Mechanics.

Knowing what your going to use, how to make it, or buy it, and then know it completely before it is ever actually used. Ropes and knots are a subject in of it'self. Electricity and it's safe use is another subject. There is a very wide variety and once you've figured out the basics of what you like, invest some time on mechanics. Nothing kills a good sceene like having to turn the page to figure out how the knott was supposed to work. Finding out that the big 4 post bed was just for looks and leaves marks, that weren't intended, not such a good idea. The techinical aspect of spanking / whipping and implements used. The techniques, and the effect they have.

I enjoyed the time I spent learning or making the "props". It was time well spent. I wanted my slave to know that when I tied her I could get her out of it asap. I wanted her confidence, that things that happened needed to happen without question or accident. Also things like making sure the mood / enviroment was right, not just was "I" was ready. And yes sometimes folks that included doing the dishes myself, while I had her taking a bath.

She deserves the best I can offer and I took / take that part of my role seriously. Once at a open club, a "dominant " tried to converse with her, and touched her collar while she stood in line to the ladies room. I had him on the side in a split second, and he left a few seconds later. I needed her to know that I was there for her, that no one could touch her without my approval. It was and still is today a part of our life.

I highly recommend "SM101" and Erotic Bondage Handbook" by Jay Wiseman

"Screw the roses send me the thorns"by Philip Miller and Molly Devon

"Different Loving" by Gloria Brame & William Brame & Jay Jocobs

and for Electro play "Juice" by Uncle Abdul.

These are great reference materials in my opinion.

Also Some RL Dominants will Mentor if you will new dominants. I have known several who knew thier desire, but needed direction.
 
Make sure to discuss:

-Boundaries (are there things that are absolute nos)?
-Safeword (including one to use when gagged, a gesture or noise)
-Checklist
-Expectations

Beyond that, everyone before me has given great advice. I think SM101 is a great resource too, I used that to help me figure out some of the stuff I wanted to try. Just have fun exploring and be safe! :)
 
Highly recommmend reading "Screw the roses send me the thorns"by Philip Miller and Molly Devon" very balanced viewpoints for all levels of bdsm and both sides of dom/sub.
Communication is important..a starting point here is ..what does being your bitch mean to you?
Have fun ..but keep in mind just because it says "thats how its supposed to be in bdsm"..with all the formal props ect doesnt mean it has to be that way ..take what you like and dont like out of these forums and work out your own flavour
 
Gunny_G said:
I would also throw in for Him , Mechanics.

Knowing what your going to use, how to make it, or buy it, and then know it completely before it is ever actually used. Ropes and knots are a subject in of it'self. Electricity and it's safe use is another subject. There is a very wide variety and once you've figured out the basics of what you like, invest some time on mechanics. Nothing kills a good sceene like having to turn the page to figure out how the knott was supposed to work. Finding out that the big 4 post bed was just for looks and leaves marks, that weren't intended, not such a good idea. The techinical aspect of spanking / whipping and implements used. The techniques, and the effect they have.

I enjoyed the time I spent learning or making the "props". It was time well spent. I wanted my slave to know that when I tied her I could get her out of it asap. I wanted her confidence, that things that happened needed to happen without question or accident. Also things like making sure the mood / enviroment was right, not just was "I" was ready. And yes sometimes folks that included doing the dishes myself, while I had her taking a bath.

She deserves the best I can offer and I took / take that part of my role seriously. Once at a open club, a "dominant " tried to converse with her, and touched her collar while she stood in line to the ladies room. I had him on the side in a split second, and he left a few seconds later. I needed her to know that I was there for her, that no one could touch her without my approval. It was and still is today a part of our life.

I highly recommend "SM101" and Erotic Bondage Handbook" by Jay Wiseman

"Screw the roses send me the thorns"by Philip Miller and Molly Devon

"Different Loving" by Gloria Brame & William Brame & Jay Jocobs

and for Electro play "Juice" by Uncle Abdul.

These are great reference materials in my opinion.

Also Some RL Dominants will Mentor if you will new dominants. I have known several who knew thier desire, but needed direction.
Click to expand...

Then on the other hand, there's my approach. I don't know about, or care about, any of this shit and I'm dom like a motherfucker.
 
JMohegan said:
:mad:Fraud!!!!!!!!:mad:
Click to expand...
I'm not trying to diss that approach, just saying that you don't need to read lots of books and study torture techniques and all that stuff, if you don't feel like it. Men are so technique-obsessed.
 
rosco rathbone said:
I'm not trying to diss that approach, just saying that you don't need to read lots of books and study torture techniques and all that stuff, if you don't feel like it. Men are so technique-obsessed.
Click to expand...
I agree.

I wasn't making fun of readers and studiers and makers of stuff, but I was mocking the idea that it's a necessary part of the dynamic.
 
Please go back to the OP. Her BOYFREIND isn't dominant, and she wants him to be.

Some men today are so programed in their youth that hitting a women or a girl is the worst thing that can be done, that when it is asked for can be difficult to "get into it" without guilt or other issues. Reading about how to do it safely can get some men through this.

It was never a problem for me as you stated, I AM DOMINANT. That said, knowledge and fresh ideas can be useful.

Some men just aren't Dominant by nature, just go along with it as an amusement.

I believe some men, even ones who ARE DOMINANT, can benifit, from knowldge either from books or from other dominants who Mentor.

It's just an opinion I formed from experiences I have gone through. From parties to private clubs, organized groups, and my own life with my sub. It's offered freely, not ment to be biblical, just an opinion.
 
buy him a domming by numbers kit.

if you can't afford it, you could both trade in your sense of humour.
you'll no longer be needing it.
 
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