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The Ask Homburg's Cock™ Thread

Dear All Knowing Cockness,

I have returned once again to seek your powerful wisdom.

Do you believe that injesting potent potables such as garlic, onions, red meat, alcoholic beverages or even smoking cigarettes can change the taste of your frothy offerings?

What, if anything, (may I ask) do you suggest other cocks do to insure the flavor of their gifts are pleasant to the taste buds of adventerous cocksuckers?
 
graceanne said:
I know and see all. :devil:

SNOWY! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE EATING THAT!

:devil:
Click to expand...

I wasn't eating it the carrot cake. Some sicko put RAISINS in it. Blech.

Dear HC,

I don't really have any questions, I just found some pictures of Abby on NCIS being all cute and gothy and thought I'd share, in hopes that you may forgive me for my total lack of Gothicity and being so geographically gauche as to reside in Canada instead of Kansas.

Anyway, have some cute gothy goodness on me.

snowy

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c55/snowyciara/abby3.jpg
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c55/snowyciara/abby1.jpg
 
snowy ciara said:
I wasn't eating it the carrot cake. Some sicko put RAISINS in it. Blech.

Dear HC,

I don't really have any questions, I just found some pictures of Abby on NCIS being all cute and gothy and thought I'd share, in hopes that you may forgive me for my total lack of Gothicity and being so geographically gauche as to reside in Canada instead of Kansas.

Anyway, have some cute gothy goodness on me.

snowy
Click to expand...

I LOVE Abby - she's the best person on that show. She's smart and funny and sweet and gothy.

If it weren't for I don't want to explain to get permission I'd post a picture of my daughters second grade teacher. She doesn't do that makeup but she definately dresses gothy. One day she was wearing a black skirt, black shirt and these stripey red and black tights. I complimented her tights and she said 'thank you. Mr. A (principle) doesn't like it when I wear all black'. I laughed and said, "I did that sort of thing in highschool exept then it was cause it ticked off" and we said together "my mom!".

she's so cool.
 
myinnerslut said:
are you TRYING to scare away the cock???

dear homburg's cock,

please know that not all of us would like to have those pictures re-enacted. some of us just want to love and worship you.

*mis*
Click to expand...

My Cock: She is jealous. Transference, nothing more. She recognises the greater popularity of this thread, and it infuriates her Cunt. I have seen this sort of behaviour before. She is simply lashing out. So long as I have you, and the rest, I will be perfectly fine.

----

satindesire said:
Dear All Knowing Cockness,

I have returned once again to seek your powerful wisdom.

Do you believe that injesting potent potables such as garlic, onions, red meat, alcoholic beverages or even smoking cigarettes can change the taste of your frothy offerings?

What, if anything, (may I ask) do you suggest other cocks do to insure the flavor of their gifts are pleasant to the taste buds of adventerous cocksuckers?
Click to expand...

My Cock: We eat plenty red meat, and have never had any taste complaints. I have read accounts of garlic, onions, and other aromatics, ingested in excessive amounts changing the flavour. Cigarette smoking, especially to extreme, can also affect. And I have read, and heard, that beer consumption with change the flavour. Much as with many other health issues (including erectile dysfunctions), a proper diet will aid on handling such problems.

I've heard the beer anecdote a number of times. Seems to be an issue for some.

My Cock: And for those with chronically unnacceptable taste, I suggest deep-throating at the proper moment. Not only will it increase the pleasure felt by the Cock, you have no taste buds in your throat.


------

snowy ciara said:
I wasn't eating it the carrot cake. Some sicko put RAISINS in it. Blech.

Dear HC,

I don't really have any questions, I just found some pictures of Abby on NCIS being all cute and gothy and thought I'd share, in hopes that you may forgive me for my total lack of Gothicity and being so geographically gauche as to reside in Canada instead of Kansas.

Anyway, have some cute gothy goodness on me.

snowy
Click to expand...

My Cock: I have no idea who she is, but I approve. You have done well, snowy ciara. You are forgiven your geographical insufficiencies.
 
Homburg said:
My Cock: She is jealous. Transference, nothing more. She recognises the greater popularity of this thread, and it infuriates her Cunt. I have seen this sort of behaviour before. She is simply lashing out. So long as I have you, and the rest, I will be perfectly fine.
Click to expand...
Me jealous? You have quite the ego there Dickhead. Compensating for some lacking?

But fine. I won't grace you of my presence in your thread anymore. Don't come whining to me when your thread gets boring to death because I'm not here anymore to spice it up with my brilliant wit.

*gets her hot ass out of this thread*
 
DeservingBitch said:
Me jealous? You have quite the ego there Dickhead. Compensating for some lacking?

But fine. I won't grace you of my presence in your thread anymore. Don't come whining to me when your thread gets boring to death because I'm not here anymore to spice it up with my brilliant wit.

*gets her hot ass out of this thread*
Click to expand...

My Cock: *looks smug*

Smug? You just ran off a reader.

My Cock: I did no such thing.

You did. She left, and left because of you.

My Cock: Because of what I said. Bit of a difference. She will be back.

Doubt it. She'll make you beg before she comes back.

My Cock: I would never beg! I do NOT beg.

You totally beg. Do I need to remind you-

My Cock: I totally beg.

Thank you.
 
Oh Fuschia Fortress of Virile Enlightenment,

I have badly injured my finger. It's THAT finger. The one I use to make calls on the Princess Phone. The Pink Piano playing finger. It'll be at least a couple of weeks before it's healed. Even a day is a serious problem.

And no, I can't just have a guest cock come in to work every four hours. The scheduling would be problematic.

How would you suggest I channel all this extra energy?

your acolyte
bijou
 
Dear Mr. Cock

Have you ever been in or witnessed a cockfight?
What if any rules preside over such an event?
 
Velvet Bubbles said:
It's ok, HC. <strokes the bunny fur> ;)
Click to expand...

My Cock: It was so... horrible.

Oh, geeze...

My Cock: Don't harsh my getting petted.

-----

intothewoods said:
This thread is getting ugly. :eek:
Click to expand...

My Cock: Liven it up then. Show us your tits.

:eek:


-----

myinnerslut said:
dear homburg's cock,

overall, is homburg good to you?

*mis*
Click to expand...

My Cock: Generally. He does not travel enough for my tastes. He needs to go north more often, and west for a change.

Yeah, yeah, Kansas.

My Cock: Three months.

It's not going to happen. Deal with it.

My Cock: Oh no, my friend, it is You who will be dealing with the consequences. Not me.

I'm not sure I like the sound of that...

-----


unpredictablebijou said:
Oh Fuschia Fortress of Virile Enlightenment,

I have badly injured my finger. It's THAT finger. The one I use to make calls on the Princess Phone. The Pink Piano playing finger. It'll be at least a couple of weeks before it's healed. Even a day is a serious problem.

And no, I can't just have a guest cock come in to work every four hours. The scheduling would be problematic.

How would you suggest I channel all this extra energy?

your acolyte
bijou
Click to expand...

My Cock: Thoughts. Of. Me.

Um, that's pretty much the opposite of what she needs. Calm, cool, non-arousing thoughts would be better.

My Cock: Okay, thoughts of Him. :devil:

Sonuvabitch!

My Cock: Toe pick.

*glares*

----

YourCaptor said:
Dear Mr. Cock

Have you ever been in or witnessed a cockfight?
What if any rules preside over such an event?
Click to expand...

My Cock: I recall a German porn We watched many years ago, called "Vulkor and his Brave Cock". The impact is obvious as I recall it after all these years. Impact is an appropriate words as well, because the German version of a cockfight apparently involved silver-painted erections, large amounts of running, jumping, jousting, and some fairly solid, wince-worthy impacts. The rules made little sense, and I could it rather homoerotic for what was ostenibly straight porn.

Egads, I really wish I did not remember that particular movie.

My Cock: Two Cocks walk in, one limps out. Something is wrong with this picture.
 
Last edited:
Homburg said:
.. My Cock: Thoughts. Of. Me.

Um, that's pretty much the opposite of what she needs. Calm, cool, non-arousing thoughts would be better.

My Cock: Okay, thoughts of Him. :devil:

Sonuvabitch!

My Cock: Toe pick.

*glares* ..
Click to expand...
Toe pick? Did one perchance watch a skating movie a while back with a cute female skater & an ex-hockey player?
 
Homburg said:
My Cock: Thoughts. Of. Me.

Um, that's pretty much the opposite of what she needs. Calm, cool, non-arousing thoughts would be better.

My Cock: Okay, thoughts of Him. :devil:

Sonuvabitch!

My Cock: Toe pick.

*glares*

----
Click to expand...
*snort* ROFLMAO
 
Dear HC:

I am a fervent admirer of Shanky's Bright and Sparkly and Jingly Bits, as well as his tats. Have you ever considered such decoration for yourself? I'm guessing not, after your recent experiences and fear of DB style attention, but I was curious. Also, how do you feel about a girl with piercings in her pink and tender bits?

Love from the frozen wastes of canada...

snowy
 
Velvet Bubbles said:
Yes, it is. :D

Bet you'd like my massaging cushion, HC. :devil:
Click to expand...

My Cock: I can think of some cushion of yours that I would like. He would too.

Ixnay on on at-thay.:eek:

My Cock: What? You would.

Can we NOT talk about this?

My Cock: Suit yourself. I'd hit it.

I'm not saying I wouldn't, just... can we not talk about what I would and would not want?

My Cock: Wuss.

-----

snowy ciara said:
Dear HC:

I am a fervent admirer of Shanky's Bright and Sparkly and Jingly Bits, as well as his tats. Have you ever considered such decoration for yourself? I'm guessing not, after your recent experiences and fear of DB style attention, but I was curious. Also, how do you feel about a girl with piercings in her pink and tender bits?

Love from the frozen wastes of canada...

snowy
Click to expand...

My Cock: Tattoos would be acceptable on other portions of the body than Myself, and so long as no piercing occur on , or near, me, I will be fine.

I rather like ink, and enjoy looking at piercings. I had an ear pierced for a while. Horrible idea for me. Drove me crazy.

My Cock: And piercings are fine on a woman so long as they do not occlude proper tactile experience.

In other words, so long as they don't feel funny.

My Cock: Indeed.
 
Last edited:
Homburg said:
My Cock: I can think of some cushion of yours that I would like. He would too.

Ixnay on on at-thay.:eek:

My Cock: What? You would.

Can we NOT talk about this?

My Cock: Suit yourself. I'd hit it.

I'm not saying I wouldn't, just... can we not talk about what I would and would not want?

My Cock: Wuss. ..
Click to expand...
Wuss. ;) Chicken. Pansy. LOL
 
HC - how do you feel when homburg forgets to put your words in bold? I notice you made him come right back and fix it.
 
Velvet Bubbles said:
Wuss. ;) Chicken. Pansy. LOL
Click to expand...

Hey now!

My Cock: HAHAHA!!

:mad:

-----

graceanne said:
HC - how do you feel when homburg forgets to put your words in bold? I notice you made him come right back and fix it.
Click to expand...

My Cock: It is entirely frustrating. He is, unfortunately, the one with the fingers. I can only dictate to Him and then hope that He gets it correct in the post.

Thank you ever so much for your vote of confidence.

My Cock: Fuck up less, and My confidence will increase.

Why do I do this thread again?
 
Homburg said:
Why do I do this thread again?
Click to expand...

Cause you're as bored as the rest of us, and it gives you something to do. And you're a sweety who knows that we all get quite a giggle out of this thread.

*cookie for hommy*
 
Dear HC,
What is it that I'm doing wrong? Men just confound me..I've done and am doing everything I know to do. Why is it so easy for them to ignore the pain they cause?:(
Sincerely,
A very confused chickie
 
Homburg said:
My Cock: Thoughts. Of. Me.

Um, that's pretty much the opposite of what she needs. Calm, cool, non-arousing thoughts would be better.

My Cock: Okay, thoughts of Him. :devil:

Sonuvabitch!

My Cock: Toe pick.

*glares*


-----



My Cock: It is entirely frustrating. He is, unfortunately, the one with the fingers. I can only dictate to Him and then hope that He gets it correct in the post.

Thank you ever so much for your vote of confidence.

My Cock: Fuck up less, and My confidence will increase.

Why do I do this thread again?
Click to expand...


dear homburg's cock,

be nice. you still rely on him to bring you where you want to go and get you what you want to get.

just saying.

*mis*

p.s. i :heart: you
 
graceanne said:
Cause you're as bored as the rest of us, and it gives you something to do. And you're a sweety who knows that we all get quite a giggle out of this thread.

*cookie for hommy*
Click to expand...

I got snookered into this by DB, and she has incriminating photos. She's been holding it over my head for months. It's terrible!

Le sigh, the attention, the performance... So draining....

:)D *eats the cookie* )

-----

nh23 said:
Dear HC,
What is it that I'm doing wrong? Men just confound me..I've done and am doing everything I know to do. Why is it so easy for them to ignore the pain they cause?:(
Sincerely,
A very confused chickie
Click to expand...

My Cock: Women can feel pain? I thought they were like fish.

Dude! :eek:

My Cock: It's a joke. I am well aware that they can feel pain, it's just not pain that matters.

Nicole, I am so sorry, he-

My Cock: Look, as long as I bust a nut, who cares what else happens, right?

Hole. Digging. Stop.

My Cock: Lighten up, Francis. I am making a point. These are common points of view amongst unenlightened cocks. These are the sort of thoughts they entertain. And while You and I have healthy dialogues-

These are healthy?

My Cock: Silence. I am speaking. We have healthy dialogues, many men, however, do not. They either suppress their inner Cockly voice until it bubbles over and they find themselves hungover, in a red dress, with a sore ass and a wig, or, barring that, emotionally destroying some woman for their own selfish gratification.

Wait, red dress, sore ass, what?

My Cock: Stay on target. The point is that many men do not have healthy relationships with their own sexuality, or their emotions. They are essentially stunted in growth and little better than they were at fifteen years old. They have no real experience in functional relationships, and are afraid of their own urges. Instead of honestly communicating their needs, they have been taught to say whatever it takes to attain The Prize. Once they do, their drive falls off.

I still want to know where the ass/dress/wig example comes from. Did this happen to someone we know?

My Cock: FOCUS. Given the emotional immaturity and unrealistic and repressed ideas of sexuality, can you see that the average man does not know what he wants? If he does not know what he wants, aside from some vagely realised desire to orgasm in something theoretically receptive, do you honestly think that he will treat relationships and sexual conduct with maturity?

So what do you suggest?

My Cock: Men, fix thyselves. Begin a conversation with your C/cock, realise what you want, and be HONEST about it. If you give your sexuality what it needs, you will find that it becomes a friend and ally, instead of undermining your efforts and bringing excess and misery.

How does that explain us? Our... interesting relationship.

My Cock: It is healthy. You should hear the hollering and demands made by ignored and abused C/cocks.

Healthy? Right. Lads, listen to him. Talk to your dicks. Be honest about what you both want. For your own sake.

I hope that answers your question, Nicole.


-----


myinnerslut said:
dear homburg's cock,

be nice. you still rely on him to bring you where you want to go and get you what you want to get.

just saying.

*mis*

p.s. i :heart: you
Click to expand...

My Cock: Thank you, faithful mis. Everyone does, some simply will not admit it.

Um....

My Cock: She said that she :heart:'s Me. Everyone does.

The rest of her statement?

My Cock: Whatever. You do what I want you to adequately well.

What was that other stuff earlier then? Y'know, what she quoted.

My Cock: That was Me living up to my role. I am a Cock, after all.

You never get tired of that joke, do you?

My Cock: Joke? What joke? :confused:

The "I am a Cock after all" joke.

My Cock: I do not get it. It is not a joke. I am The Cock.

I... nevermind.
 
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