LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Anally raped to within a nanometre of my worthless little life.

catalina_francisco said:
Congratulations, sounds like you've moved on from the nicely controlled, everything nice and proper scening to the more meat and fire type I prefer, though I'm with Bandit to some degree in that the fact he had been drinking would have ruined it for me in many ways and made me wonder if it was him or the drink, and for me, that matters a lot and can change how I see everything given I have an aversion to any type of substance abuse, or mixing play with drinking or drug taking. LOL, you sure do go to a lot more doctoring after such events than I do though, but I'm lazy like that unless ordered to and usually for something such as you describe he wouldn't think it really necessary to order me out of my laziness unless it were to get him a cup of coffee or give him a massage. :D Hope you have many more such happy experiences.

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...

He wasn't drunk, just a bit merry. We've talked about this kind of scene before and have been working up to it in many ways. If he hadn't grabbed me out of a deep sleep I wouldn't have been half as shocked.

We talked it out this morning. I was slightly worried that he might regret aspects of what he did because he has got sheepish and concerned for me after intense scenes before but everything was fine. He knew I had my safeword and knew I was with it enough to use it as I hadn't been drinking. A couple of times during he was almost daring me to. He really got off on the fact that I had the option to stop proceedings and chose not to. I think that's a another reason we haven't ditched safewords, he likes knowing that my consent is implicit, rather than take away the option of withdrawing it and do what he likes.

As for the doctoring, I have food allergies and a crap digestive system so I'm often either constipated or the opposite of constipated. Given the care I have to take with what I eat and drink it seems only sensible to me to pay attention to what's happening the other end. Also it was the first time I have been used so brutally so I thought it prudent to err on the side of caution with aftercare.

I am sure that my worry about anal aftercare will abate with time. All ready I'm normalizing what happened and accepting that it will happen again in the future. I guess it's all part of the journey.
 
Last edited:
WOW, I read that although kinda hot I was kinda worried bout you.. But makes me think about a scene I want to do with my Sir.. that is hot... Im glad you are okay... and enjoyed it...
 
Actually, this is something that concerns me.

I do worry that as Master and I engage in riskier types of play there is the possibility of a psychological shift that isn't necessarily good. When I have talked about fantasies of 'rapeplay' on the boards here I have always added the usual disclaimer that "I would love to have a 'rapeplay' scene but would never enjoy being attacked by a man I genuinely didn't want to have sex with." Now I wonder if I can still say that with total confidence... it sounds silly maybe but hear me out.

I am now at the point where 'nilla' lovemaking (by which I mean lovemaking with no power shift or pain/humiliation play involved) has no interest whatsoever for me. If Master plays gently with my nipples for example, I can barely even feel what he's doing, much less get aroused from it. As I travel further down the TPE path I have chosen, less shocks me and I can tolerate more and more it seems.

My point is, when I reach the stage where being brutally dry-assraped in the middle of the night has become an accepted 'normal' type of lovemaking for Master and I, what do I do next for kicks? Where does it end?

Also, the sex we have had along with impactplay, tit torture, throatfucking etc has reached a point where it's so deliciously violent and primal and now my idea of 'normal' sex for us. If a man I truly had no sexual interest in took me with the same force, could I honestly say I would get no pleasure from it? At all? Given how much pain and humiliation arouse me? These are the kind of thoughts that have kept me up at night on a few occasions and after last night they cause me real concern.

Have others here felt like this? How do you raionalise the violence perpetrated against you by a loved PYL against the violence that any man could theoretically choose to inflict?

Hope I'm making sense here.
 
Last edited:
Great question, I would love to hear what others in your situation or a similar situation have to say.

On sort of a parallel note, I've wondered if I could go back to having sex without some sort of power dynamic involved. Now, you would probably think what me and PYL do is totally vanilla, lol, but for me the underlying dynamic is always there. If my partner isn't in charge (and I've had this experience from fooling around with subbie friends at a play party), I really don't know what to do with myself!
 
intothewoods said:
Great question, I would love to hear what others in your situation or a similar situation have to say.

On sort of a parallel note, I've wondered if I could go back to having sex without some sort of power dynamic involved. Now, you would probably think what me and PYL do is totally vanilla, lol, but for me the underlying dynamic is always there. If my partner isn't in charge (and I've had this experience from fooling around with subbie friends at a play party), I really don't know what to do with myself!
Click to expand...

I know. He's starting to think I don't have a brain anymore. When he asks how I would like to have sex or how I would like to be pleasured my stock reply is 'whatever you want Master.' Even as I say it I know how lame it sounds but it happens to be the only truthful response these days. A large portion of the pleasure I derive from any form of play is the fact that I am serving Master's wishes. I know he's starting to find this a bit old but I almost feel dishonest if he asks me what I want and I reply, 'oh, please fuck my pussy from behind... paddle my ass and pull my hair... please!' because the reality remains that I would be equally happy with (almost) anything else he wanted to do. It just seems to be how I'm wired.
 
very hot story! thanks for sharing! you are a very lucky couple! :cathappy:
 
VelvetDarkness said:
I do worry that as Master and I engage in riskier types of play there is the possibility of a psychological shift that isn't necessarily good. When I have talked about fantasies of 'rapeplay' on the boards here I have always added the usual disclaimer that "I would love to have a 'rapeplay' scene but would never enjoy being attacked by a man I genuinely didn't want to have sex with." Now I wonder if I can still say that with total confidence... it sounds silly maybe but hear me out.

I am now at the point where 'nilla' lovemaking (by which I mean lovemaking with no power shift or pain/humiliation play involved) has no interest whatsoever for me. If Master plays gently with my nipples for example, I can barely even feel what he's doing, much less get aroused from it. As I travel further down the TPE path I have chosen, less shocks me and I can tolerate more and more it seems.

My point is, when I reach the stage where being brutally dry-assraped in the middle of the night has become an accepted 'normal' type of lovemaking for Master and I, what do I do next for kicks? Where does it end?

Also, the sex we have had along with impactplay, tit torture, throatfucking etc has reached a point where it's so deliciously violent and primal and now my idea of 'normal' sex for us. If a man I truly had no sexual interest in took me with the same force, could I honestly say I would get no pleasure from it? At all? Given how much pain and humiliation arouse me? These are the kind of thoughts that have kept me up at night on a few occasions and after last night they cause me real concern.

Have others here felt like this? How do you raionalise the violence perpetrated against you by a loved PYL against the violence that any man could theoretically choose to inflict?

Hope I'm making sense here.
Click to expand...
With regard to your question about strangers, I'd say that you are confusing extremely rough partner-sex with rape. No matter how much begging, crying & screaming goes on in the former, the gulf between those two experiences is pretty freakin' wide.

Were the bounds of consent broken? Not per your description, no. Were you in fear for your life? No. Scared of being maimed, scarred, impregnated, or infected with HIV, herpes, etc.? No, no, no, and no.

You asked for help in dealing with this mentally, and my advice for step one would be to stop calling it what it is clearly not.




With regard to your question about sex sans kink, my perspective stems from the fact that a sustainable relationship, for me, requires emotional intimacy as the critical foundation or base.

Kink is an intensely satisfying and necessary part of my sexual menu. But if a strong emotional attachment exists, then slow, tender, emotionally-focused passion will be intensely satisfying for me as well.
 
Not my bag, glad you enjoyed yourself though.

The drinking and woken up from a dead sleep violently thing would have no good results, none at all. I could probably be OK being treated violently by my top, but not out of a dead sleep with no warning like that, my primal animal brain is a poke him through his eyes one.

My top is a particularly non-violent one though, his nature is just that of a white hat kind of guy who likes being fawned over a bit. What I'd like and if I'd like more are kind of beside that point.
 
Thank you for having the confidence to share with us vd.

Clearly you and your Master have reached a high level of trust, or this experience between you would not have occured. Sublimenly, your Master possibly you it was time to take you to the next level, obviously, you rejoiced in the experience.

The desires that you have for your Master will grow deeper still after this.
 
JMohegan said:
Kink is an intensely satisfying and necessary part of my sexual menu. But if a strong emotional attachment exists, then slow, tender, emotionally-focused passion will be intensely satisfying for me as well.
Click to expand...


Yes.

Also those aren't necessarily exclusive. I'm kinked to service of my top over being taken or feeling overpowered. The sex is kinked, there's bondage there are orders and obedience and such.

I've expressed interest in the latter once in a while, and we've experimented with it, but he's professed not to enjoy it much and that's fine by me, who am I to sit and argue that no no he's just been drinking the "nice guy" kool-aid too much and being a sub requires rape on the living room rug?
 
LOL. Nothing wrong with soft Dominance. He's capable of being the scary hard ass Dom when he wants to, but he's confessed recently that he's a bit of a "Service Sub" himself. He delights in pampering us girls. And trust me neither of us girls are "Low maintenance":D.

It's a wonderful fit. We give ourselves to him and yet he also gets to get his service kick by pampering us and taking care of us in everyday things as well as the bed. He takes care of the day to day running and maintenance of the house and we just get to enjoy life when we aren't at work:D. But works fun too. Just in a very different way. Some teasing at home is allowed but at work we get to be downright evil.
 
JMohegan said:
Kink is an intensely satisfying and necessary part of my sexual menu. But if a strong emotional attachment exists, then slow, tender, emotionally-focused passion will be intensely satisfying for me as well.
Click to expand...

This is a very distracting paragraph.
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Where does it end?
Click to expand...

Only you can answer that depending on the terms and strength of your relationship.

VelvetDarkness said:
How do you raionalise the violence perpetrated against you by a loved PYL against the violence that any man could theoretically choose to inflict?
Click to expand...

I find it very easy to rationalise. I have a strong survival instinct coupled with a well learned response to not allowing anyone I don't know and have not given consent to, to inflict their violence on me. I am not, nor have I ever been in doubt as to where my love of SM comes from, and it isn't something I welcome randomly from anyone who decides it is their right to do so. In fact, usually when a male especially begins to think he has such rights without my consent, I become very definate he does not and where he can take it and I have been known to come off better than they have. Like JM says, the 2 are not one in the same, nor even coming from the same place.

Catalina :catroar:
 
VelvetDarkness said:
He wasn't drunk, just a bit merry.
Click to expand...

And nor did I say he was drunk, just we do not believe in mixing mind/response altering substances with our SM, no matter how little a sip may have been taken.



VelvetDarkness said:
As for the doctoring, I have food allergies and a crap digestive system so I'm often either constipated or the opposite of constipated. Given the care I have to take with what I eat and drink it seems only sensible to me to pay attention to what's happening the other end. Also it was the first time I have been used so brutally so I thought it prudent to err on the side of caution with aftercare.

I am sure that my worry about anal aftercare will abate with time. All ready I'm normalizing what happened and accepting that it will happen again in the future. I guess it's all part of the journey.
Click to expand...

LOL, I can well relate to some of those issues and more and it may well be you become less concerned over time. I think the reason we don't seem to go into the after care thing is because he trusts me to know if there is a need, and we also accept that no amount of care is going to prevent it going in a negative direction if that is how my body is feeling like reacting at the time. There have been issues I have been more concerned than he about in the moment, possibly because I am aware of what is happening in my body more than he is, but he has chosen to not respond and that is his choice. I would still caution against mixing your play with alcohol though as I am sure you are aware that even one glass impairs reaction and response and that the person who is impaired rarely feels they are as that false bravado is one of the side effects of being intoxicated. On that point he is not willing to compromise safety.

Catalina :catroar:
 
VelvetDarkness said:
If a man I truly had no sexual interest in took me with the same force, could I honestly say I would get no pleasure from it? At all? Given how much pain and humiliation arouse me? These are the kind of thoughts that have kept me up at night on a few occasions and after last night they cause me real concern.
Click to expand...

What exactly is your concern?

That you feel it would be wrong to get pleasure from it? You could turn around afterwards, smile at him, tell him what an idiot he is and walk to the police without the usual psychological harm other women would have suffered from this asshole. Also, your chances to get out of such a situation alive again are much higher, because the pain will not have the same effect on you than a normal woman, so you have better chances to run or fight back afterwards (if you fail to achieve this before).

Or is your concern that you might try to encourage other guys to "rape" you or that you might decide to not run away when you have the chance - that you might become less faithful to your master?
 
Are we honestly positing that if you are a heavy SM bottom who likes rape play it's going to somehow make stranger rape less traumatic if that happens to you?

I think this is pretty tenuous. I don't think you magically turn into a woman so abormal that stranger rape would become "a funny thing happened to me on the way to the show tonight"
 
I kind of understand about the concern 'will I need more and more increasingly out there scenarios to be satisfied?"

This is one reason I've never been a fan of training people in a really linear fashion - I've made it clear that the biggest challenge a sub of mine will face is facing eventual boredom and tedium. Those things are more challenging and more commonplace than adrenaline-pumping craziness. Both have their place and time. I've never been one to set myself up for having to provide more and bigger and newer experiences or feeling pressured to - that was a paying job, not how I live.

'm not saying you guys are doing this, just that I understand the concern, this was always my way of dealing with it, basically "I'm not here to feed the thrill ride addiction."
 
JMohegan said:
Kink is an intensely satisfying and necessary part of my sexual menu. But if a strong emotional attachment exists, then slow, tender, emotionally-focused passion will be intensely satisfying for me as well.
Click to expand...

We also have slower paced, bridge building sex but the elements of control and pain (even mild painplay like nipple twisting) are always there. It would not be possible at this juncture for me to feel fulfilled and sated after a purely vanilla session.

I agree that stranger rape is not on the same page, I just wonder what my primal, physical response would be as opposed to that of a woman who was not into kink. Violent violation is closer to my normal spectrum of play than to that of most people and I wonder whether I should be concerned about that. I accept I'm probably over-reacting, it's just all quite new for me.
 
catalina_francisco said:
Only you can answer that depending on the terms and strength of your relationship.
Click to expand...

That is true and indeed a valid point. Master and I do have a great deal of trust, in ourselves as much as in each other. I suppose this thread twist is partly born of my desire to feel that I trust my feeling on this as much as he trusts them. I have been a little ambivalent about it all today. I really enjoyed my experience but I can't seem to let it be. I have this perverse desire to rationalise things. :rolleyes:
 
Netzach said:
Are we honestly positing that if you are a heavy SM bottom who likes rape play it's going to somehow make stranger rape less traumatic if that happens to you?
Click to expand...

JMohegan[/quote said:
No matter how much begging, crying & screaming goes on in the former, the gulf between those two experiences is pretty freakin' wide.
Click to expand...

No need for superfluous detail, I can vouch for this fact, firsthand.
 
Primalex said:
What exactly is your concern?

That you feel it would be wrong to get pleasure from it? You could turn around afterwards, smile at him, tell him what an idiot he is and walk to the police without the usual psychological harm other women would have suffered from this asshole. Also, your chances to get out of such a situation alive again are much higher, because the pain will not have the same effect on you than a normal woman, so you have better chances to run or fight back afterwards (if you fail to achieve this before).

Or is your concern that you might try to encourage other guys to "rape" you or that you might decide to not run away when you have the chance - that you might become less faithful to your master?
Click to expand...

I certainly would never encourage rape or be unfaithful to my Master.

I also am under no illusion that in all liklihood I would cope with the aftermath of rape with as much difficulty as any other woman. My concern is how I would cope with the act itself. I would never forgive myself if that kind of treatment ever turned me on to any degree.

I didn't really intend for this to be a discussion about rape. My feelings about rape are black and white. It's my growing desensitization and need for pain and humiliation that I'm worried about.
 
@}-}rebecca---- said:
No matter how much begging, crying & screaming goes on in the former, the gulf between those two experiences is pretty freakin' wide.

No need for superfluous detail, I can vouch for this fact, firsthand.
Click to expand...

I'm very sorry to hear that Rebecca. I'm also sorry if it reads like i'm whining and worrying about nothing. It is not my intention to trivialize the trauma of rape in any way. It was just a thought that I posted a little way back to see what people's responses were and to better understand my own.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

F
BDSM party
Replies
0
Views
120
ffltstone
F
T
Subs, what do you think about devotion?
Replies
12
Views
794
policywank
policywank
graceanne
What is it....
Replies
14
Views
500
BiBunny
BiBunny
T
My wife cuckolds me with a BDSM group.
Replies
0
Views
126
Thegilfswinger
T
JennyCapricorn
How little does it take to get your sub side out?
Replies
24
Views
1K
bisissyhusband1
B
Back
Top