How do women hold back orgasm?

[Nezhul]

Ok, this is a very odd-ball question, but I need it for the story.

Thing is, I know women can hold back their orgasms and not cum, even if continually stimulated on the edge. At least some of them can.

But I have no idea how? Do you relax, or on the other hand tense some muscles? Is it just a matter of conscious choice (like, all in the head)? Is it something else?

I have a 1st person story and I would like to know better how this type of thing happens.

As a man, I know how to hold back longer during sex, but when you get to the edge it's pretty much a clear choice between stopping and resting or cumming. You can't choose not to cum and keep edging. Or at least I don't know of it.
But girls I'm pretty sure are different.

 

[chame1eon]

Why would you. You can just keep going and do it again anyway.

 

[Nezhul]

I know. I need to know how girls do that (what their active steps to hold back orgasm are) for a story. It's kinda a fetish play.

I'm quite aware that you don't really need it during vanilla, and I don't really need it as a man (you are right, even if it ends quick, you can just do it again in 5 minutes)

But I need exactly women's perspective of holding back orgasm. I just need a general idea how it works.

 

[numeniusa]

Thing is, I know women can hold back their orgasms and not cum, even if continually stimulated on the edge. At least some of them can.

Maybe you need to ask these women you know to be able to do it? I'm certain that if I were continually stimulated whilst on the edge, I wouldn't be able to not cum any more than most (all?) men would!

And I would echo the 'why would you' comment above too. Is this about some sort of control in the story? Otherwise it's not going to ring very true for your female readers.

 

[Nezhul]

It IS about some kind of control in the story.

Alas, I can't ask those women, because I know they exist, not "know them personally".

The thing I'm talking about is rather common in fetish and BDSM community. The sub is stimulated (by whatever means, be it sex or the vibrator), but she has to ask before cumming. If she's denied orgasm, she will then have to hold back, staying on the edge and begging for it, even though the stimulation doesn't stop.
And I'm pretty sure it's not a "porn thing", because it's too widespread on both professional sites and in the amateur videos on the tubes.

I just figured this would be the forum to ask.

 

[dead_niinja]

Is it a myth?

 

[Nezhul]

Is it a myth?

Again, pretty sure it's not. But even if it is, at least I'm getting clearer understanding.

 

[Siren_Smiles]

It's much like trying to stop a sneeze. Sometimes you can hold it in but the tickle is still there. Sometimes you make a real mess of things.

 

[Nezhul]

It's much like trying to stop a sneeze. Sometimes you can hold it in but the tickle is still there. Sometimes you make a real mess of things.

yea but what exactly do you do to achieve that? Foe example when it comes to sneezing I think I wrinkle my nose and try not to breathe for a few seconds, I tense very much (the entire body, I guess).

What about orgasm?

 

[numeniusa]

It IS about some kind of control in the story.

Alas, I can't ask those women, because I know they exist, not "know them personally".

The thing I'm talking about is rather common in fetish and BDSM community. The sub is stimulated (by whatever means, be it sex or the vibrator), but she has to ask before cumming. If she's denied orgasm, she will then have to hold back, staying on the edge and begging for it, even though the stimulation doesn't stop.
And I'm pretty sure it's not a "porn thing", because it's too widespread on both professional sites and in the amateur videos on the tubes.

I just figured this would be the forum to ask.

Ah, OK. In that case, I wonder if there's somewhere in the BDSM parts of Lit where you'd get a good answer from someone experienced in it. BDSM Talk, maybe?

 

[Nezhul]

I thought about it, but then decided to ask here first.

 

[Dribble]

I thought about it, but then decided to ask here first.

I keep thinking bout the movie When Harry met Sally...lol.

 

[Emmeline]

My 2 cents...

It's both forcing muscles to relax and trying to pull your mind out of the moment, but there is a point of no return if you get too close.

 

[sexykarly]

I guess it's pretty much similar to a man. Honestly, I have never tried to hold back my orgasm before, why would I? Just couple of minutes and I can keep it going if I want to. Right girls?

 

[sunandshadow]

I need to tense muscles to orgasm, so if I just didn't do that I assume no orgasm would ever happen. I never tried on purpose to do that though, because it would be a lousy experience.

 

[jsmiam]

...

Porn and erotica aren't real. Ok, not entirely across the board, but overall, a lot of it is farfetched. And thats fine, it doesnt need to be realistic to be a good fantasy.

And if a sub withholds an orgasm for a Dom, maybe that Dom should be more worried about how real all those allowed orgasms were? Since they happen so dramatically and so instantly, moments after allowed. I like the Harry met Sally analogy earlier!

Remember... Often unrealistic. But who cares? It can have a happy ending. Write your orgasm denial story. Somebody out there will love it.

 

[KimGordon67]

Wow ... I'm surprised this thread got so far before anyone weighed in with an actual answer.

This is something I do a bit with my in-charge guy in real life, and used to previously with an online/phone friend who used to like to make me edge as well. So yes, it's an actual thing, and it doesn't mean that the non-controlled orgasms aren't 'real'. But the orgasm I have after being made to hold off for a while is different - my BF describes it as much more of a 'release', and that sort of makes sense. (That's not a synonym for 'more intense' - it's a qualitative, not quantitative difference.)

But as to how you do it (and even after my wise-arse 'actual answer' comment) ... I don't know how I'd explain it. It's a mental thing for me, not physical, or at least I'm not aware of a physical aspect. He just says 'wait', and I wait. It's definitely not easy, but its doable - there's a huge amount of tension in the 'waiting' bit. I think we often forget how much orgasm are (or at least can be) in our heads as much as our bodies - I've also cum without any genital stimulation at all.

As for the 'why would you?' question, which is a bloody good one - if you're working within a control dynamic, you do it because that's what they want. It works the other way too - I've been told to keep cumming as well.

Nezhul, if you want, you could flick through the section of what you're writing where this happens, and I could see if I can write around it a bit to give you something to work with?

 

[Nezhul]

Emmeline, KimGordon67
Thank you for your answers! It's pretty much what I thought myself, but I wanted to have at least some insight into how it happens. Thanks for sharing your experinces.

Nezhul, if you want, you could flick through the section of what you're writing where this happens, and I could see if I can write around it a bit to give you something to work with?

I don't currently have the scene written, but it'll be part of my "A&A Kinks" series. I'm all over the place with my stories though, so there's no telling when the next installation of it will be finished.
It's okay though. I can work with what you provided. The "I can't describe how it happens, I just wait" is an answer too. It's not like during sex my character will be focusing on mechanical aspects of things too much. =)

Porn and erotica aren't real....

Like I said before, I'm pretty usre this is real. In porn, numerous studios do that, amatures do that both on webcam and in private (unpaid) videos. It's just unlikely that everyone SUDDENLY decided to go for it and do orgasm denial that way.
Out of porn, I see mentions of it too. Also I once talked to a girl who couldn't, for the life of her, cum when she's lying on her stomach. So she used that as a control element.

And if a sub withholds an orgasm for a Dom, maybe that Dom should be more worried about how real all those allowed orgasms were?

That's... kinda insulting, you know? For the subs who do that.
I don't see why a lot of men tend to imply that their women fake orgasms. While some, I agree, can - that's kinda troubling me that the notion of faking is the first things that springs to your mind.

I never tried on purpose to do that though, because it would be a lousy experience.

And I would echo the 'why would you' comment above too.

Honestly, I have never tried to hold back my orgasm before, why would I?

Honestly...
I'll echo KimGordon67 somewhat and try to explain. There's such thing that's called "Edging". It's not a practice that is exclusively associated with dominance and submission - a lot of people do that because it feels good. The principle is very simple - you hold back your orgasm for some time, letting the tension and need to accumulate, and then when you DO orgasm - it feels awesome.
What I describe here is an extreme form of edging. When you keep holding back despite the stimulation and "ride" the edge of your orgasm for a prolonged period. Staying just one step away from bliss. This alone feels very good, if you learn to appreciate it.
The simpler form is when you take the stimulation away just before you cum, letting yourself calm down. This way, by the way, orgasm denial can be enforced, which is quite popular in BDSM community. But a lot of people use this method in their sex and masturbation routine to prolong the experience and make it better.
Submissives in particular also do that as part of giving up control. Or even as an intricate torture, if edging is done for long enough - the need becomes almost unbearable. But it's very sexy, and it's very hot to be teased like that.

Seriously, if you ask "why?" - that's a question based on lack of knowledge. Try. And find out why people enjoy that kind of thing. Start simply - just masturbate and stop a few times before cumming. That can be frustrating, but it enhances the experience. I wouldn't say that it's more intense (although some describe it that way) - but it blows your mind away like it was your first time.

 

[jsmiam]

That's... kinda insulting, you know? For the subs who do that.
I don't see why a lot of men tend to imply that their women fake orgasms. While some, I agree, can - that's kinda troubling me that the notion of faking is the first things that springs to your mind.

You seem to have missed the point. I was insulting doms who think their subs orgasms are instantaneously triggered, and real. And I suppose I was insulting inexperienced people thinking everything in porn is real (that would be you). Because this isn't your only post implying that you believe that some of the unrealistic things we see (and enjoy, nothing wrong with fantasizing) are real.

You keep suggesting that people who don't get edging just dont understand. How about another possibility.. People who repeatedly ask simplistic and naive questions because they think scenes from porn movies reflect real life are the ones who just don't understand..

I want two hot brunettes to come have a threesome with me. I enjoy porn scenes, and fantasies where that happens. But I don't come to Lit asking advice, "Hey, someone tell me a realistic scenario on how can I get two hot brunettes to have sex with me!". Because I know Porn isn't real. See the difference?

 

[Nezhul]

You keep suggesting that people who don't get edging just dont understand. How about another possibility.. People who repeatedly ask simplistic and naive questions because they think scenes from porn movies reflect real life are the ones who just don't understand..

How about another possibility... you read the replies to this thread and see for yourself that it is quite real for some people? Because it damn well is.

This makes your entire outburst - useless waste of words and space.

You don't know something? Doesn't mean it's inexistent. Just patiently wait for replies to find out the truth.
Althoug you seem to be more interested in establishing your superiority as "the man who knows". Well, feel free. Just not in this topic, because your opinions are already negated and anyway not interesting at all.

I want two hot brunettes to come have a threesome with me. I enjoy porn scenes, and fantasies where that happens. But I don't come to Lit asking advice, "Hey, someone tell me a realistic scenario on how can I get two hot brunettes to have sex with me!". Because I know Porn isn't real. See the difference?

That's twisting terms. I don't ask for suggestions about how to get it to work, I ask about mechanics.
Is it possible to have sex with two women? Yes, it is. If you think that this happens only in porn - well, I gotta disappoint you.

 

[jsmiam]

...

If you take away the message that not everything you see in porn is realistic, that would be great... But now I'M the one harboring unrealistic fantasies.

 

[KimGordon67]

If you take away the message that not everything you see in porn is realistic, that would be great... But now I'M the one harboring unrealistic fantasies.

I'm pretty much with Nezhul on this one ... he only mentioned porn in passing, because he knows this happens in real life too, but as he said, he's not met anyone who actually does it (with maybe one exception), or at least talked about actually doing it, so porn might be his predominant reference point up until now. Just because it happens in porn, that doesn't mean it's only 'fantasy', which you are sort of implying.

And your comment about doms being 'tricked' was kind of insulting. I don't really identify with the dom/sub thing, but one of my relationships very clearly has a significant aspect of that to it. It's difficult to explain the intensity of the moments when he's got his fingers on my clit, and we're millimetres apart, and he's saying 'not yet', and he can feel it in my body how much I want to cum, but can also see it in my eyes how I'm holding it back only because he wants me to. I get that you might not understand how that works - there's a crapload of stuff associated with d/s play that I don't get either - but to say that means it's not somehow 'real', or that I'm tricking him just is pretty insulting.

Nezhul's question was perfectly valid, and even if I couldn't really answer it adequately, it's always interesting to think about things in the slightly more abstract - the more I do that, the better I understand what's actually going on in those moments, and consequently the more I can give my guy what (I think) he wants.

 

[Dribble]

Reality is what we make it. The brain is the largest, most powerful erogenous organ we have. So if you believe it, that becomes ones reality...even if that isnt what happened.

 

[Monica_112]

For me it's like holding my breath and tensing and willing the peak not to come

Under consistent stimulation it can be a battle one loses but with the right partner recognising just when to pull back and when to restart and with a determination that edge can be held

But it feels like a rising heat

 

[Monica_112]

I've seen men do it too ..it seems a similar process