cloudy
Alabama Slammer
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2004
- Posts
- 37,997
Dear AH:
I snagged this from the HT Cafe because it was such an entertaining idea, and a way to vent at the same time (thank you BlueSugar). Write as many letters as you like; get it out of your system. You'll feel better.
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Soon-to-be Ex-Husband:
Were you always such an asshole? Funny, I don't remember you acting the way you have been when I think back to when we were dating. You were nice; you were considerate, you seemed to care about what I thought.
Was that real? Did you change? Are you just a terrific actor, and have always been such a jerk? Or was I just blind as a fucking bat?
It's important. I want to know if my judgement has some fatal flaw so that I can avoid relationships altogether in the future.
Did you know that, although you work and provide well, you really have no other redeeming qualities? Just wanted to let you know.
I love all my children, but sometimes I wish the youngest had never been born, because the thought of being tied to you for the rest of my life with even the flimsiest of connections makes me physically ill.
I pray for an industrial accident every day.
Not yours for much longer,
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Neighbors Behind Us,
The three grandchildren you have custody of spend more time over here with us than they do with you. They no longer bother to knock on the door; they help themselves to whatever they like in the refrigerator and the cupboards; and they've become a permanent fixture in our backyard.
I don't mind, even though I really don't want to raise three more in addition to the three I already have. They're nice, well-behaved kids.
No, I don't mind them. It's your behavior that is atrocious.
I found out yesterday that you have a birthday party planned for one of the kids sometime this afternoon. Your sorry-ass, good-for-nothing daughter that you took the kids from took the time and trouble to tell my son yesterday that the kids wouldn't be able to play with him today because you were having a birthday party, and she and your husband made a point to tell my 6-year-old that he wasn't invited.
There is a special place in hell reserved for people like you. How dare you.
If it wasn't for the fact that it would hurt my child, I would tell you and the rest of your family to...
fuck off and die,
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Legos Corporation,
Please stop production of your sets aimed at children the age of my youngest son. He has more than he will ever need, and those fucking things hurt when you step on them as you head for the bathroom in the middle of the night.
That, in turn, causes a stream of swearing so blue it would make a sailor blush, and it isn't a pleasant way to wake the rest of the family.
Thank you for your attention to this matter,
Cloudy
I snagged this from the HT Cafe because it was such an entertaining idea, and a way to vent at the same time (thank you BlueSugar). Write as many letters as you like; get it out of your system. You'll feel better.
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Soon-to-be Ex-Husband:
Were you always such an asshole? Funny, I don't remember you acting the way you have been when I think back to when we were dating. You were nice; you were considerate, you seemed to care about what I thought.
Was that real? Did you change? Are you just a terrific actor, and have always been such a jerk? Or was I just blind as a fucking bat?
It's important. I want to know if my judgement has some fatal flaw so that I can avoid relationships altogether in the future.
Did you know that, although you work and provide well, you really have no other redeeming qualities? Just wanted to let you know.
I love all my children, but sometimes I wish the youngest had never been born, because the thought of being tied to you for the rest of my life with even the flimsiest of connections makes me physically ill.
I pray for an industrial accident every day.
Not yours for much longer,
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Neighbors Behind Us,
The three grandchildren you have custody of spend more time over here with us than they do with you. They no longer bother to knock on the door; they help themselves to whatever they like in the refrigerator and the cupboards; and they've become a permanent fixture in our backyard.
I don't mind, even though I really don't want to raise three more in addition to the three I already have. They're nice, well-behaved kids.
No, I don't mind them. It's your behavior that is atrocious.
I found out yesterday that you have a birthday party planned for one of the kids sometime this afternoon. Your sorry-ass, good-for-nothing daughter that you took the kids from took the time and trouble to tell my son yesterday that the kids wouldn't be able to play with him today because you were having a birthday party, and she and your husband made a point to tell my 6-year-old that he wasn't invited.
There is a special place in hell reserved for people like you. How dare you.
If it wasn't for the fact that it would hurt my child, I would tell you and the rest of your family to...
fuck off and die,
Cloudy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Legos Corporation,
Please stop production of your sets aimed at children the age of my youngest son. He has more than he will ever need, and those fucking things hurt when you step on them as you head for the bathroom in the middle of the night.
That, in turn, causes a stream of swearing so blue it would make a sailor blush, and it isn't a pleasant way to wake the rest of the family.
Thank you for your attention to this matter,
Cloudy