Dealing with despondency about writing

[Emilymcplugger]

One of your stories has got 4 times my most viewed story and you have more followers too.

Some categories get fewer viewers.

I/T, LW and Group tend to get more readers. As I have no interest in writing I/T or getting shit from LW that leaves me with group and the results are pretty consistent as long as you have a good title, intriguing taglines and use all ten tags you will get decent views.

Try that with a previous experience, put down it’s based on a previous experience…and thank me later.

 

[ElectricBlue]

When I set out to write my long Arthurian thing, which in the end took ten months to write and came in at 104,000 words, I thought, if this thing gets a thousand readers, I'll be happy.

As of today, the last chapter has 3100 views, which, given it is the last chapter, suggests to me that my expectation has been met, three times over. I'm happy with that.

It's not always about numbers. Sometimes, it's about writing to satisfy the itch.

 

[MrPixel]

...as happens when you have obsessive tendencies like me...

Say it ain't so, Em!

 

[Martles]

Hi Emily,

This thread prompted me to read 'Determination' which I enjoyed, you write really well with distinctive style and vocabulary, I like finding new words like 'epitrochoid' you just don't get in erotica. So maybe you're writing for a more literate audience? I followed you to read more.

I just wondered, why do you want to write on here, this genre, this publishing channel? Do you ever feel you're better than this?

Determination = don't give up!

Mart

 

[EmilyMiller]

One of your stories has got 4 times my most viewed story and you have more followers too.

Some categories get fewer viewers.

I/T, LW and Group tend to get more readers. As I have no interest in writing I/T or getting shit from LW that leaves me with group and the results are pretty consistent as long as you have a good title, intriguing taglines and use all ten tags you will get decent views.

Try that with a previous experience, put down it’s based on a previous experience…and thank me later.

I’ve written quite a bit of group, but it tends to have a BDSM and / or a fetish element and so has ended up there.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Say it ain't so, Em!

Hey! At least I’m self-aware. And relatively high-functioning.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hi Emily,

This thread prompted me to read 'Determination' which I enjoyed, you write really well with distinctive style and vocabulary,

Thank you. That’s super sweet of you.

I like finding new words like 'epitrochoid' you just don't get in erotica. So maybe you're writing for a more literate audience? I followed you to read more.

It was originally for Geek Pride, hence the more technical vocabulary. No other excuse for leveraging my anatomy classes either .

I just wondered, why do you want to write on here, this genre, this publishing channel? Do you ever feel you're better than this?

No. My feelings are probably antipodal to that.

Determination = don't give up!

I feel the ghost of Alanis Morissette at the table

Em

 

[NoTalentHack]

I haven't had any stories that I thought failed completely, in a way that I was totally crushed by, but the reception to "Incompatible Needs pt.1" was really disheartening. It's found its audience now, but there were so many things that made me unhappy with it.

I posted it in the wrong place, probably, and that was a strike against it. It was an experiment with heavily putting character development as part of the sex scenes as opposed to before or after, and people said they didn't like that. It still is pretty low-rated compared with the rest of my stuff, and it has lower views than anything else I've put in LW besides its sequel, "Kayfabe" (which I expected to do poorly due to content), and a story that I posted a little more than a month ago, compared to "Incompatible Needs'" four months.

It was the seventh story I posted to the site, which meant that it was the seventh story I'd written in literally over 25 years. The comments were brutal, even for LW; some of my usual biggest boosters there tore it to shreds. "You're not talented enough to write this yet," is the one that stuck in my mind. And it stuck there because it was true. Looking back, I'd do a bunch of things differently.

I had already decided, by that point, that I wanted to be someone who wrote in LW-- a notoriously critical category-- stories that were challenging to and difficult for the readers there: compassionate portrayals of cheating wives, dark stories about marriages failing due to problems on both sides, meditations on whether "forsaking all other" is the worst vow to break, horrible no-win situations, etc. An earlier story-- my first, actually-- "I Know My Wife," was poorly received, too, but I wrote that mostly as an attempt to play with the story structure of a very typical cheating wife story, and the criticism I received on it was mostly fair, because it was an oddball thing that not everyone was meant to "get."

The failure of "Incompatible Needs pt. 1" was my first real test of my resolve. I went and licked my wounds by writing a short romantic story ("Cultural Exchanges pt.1"), the first in a series-- that I swear, you guys, I will finish eventually-- then turning back around and doing three back-to-back items that could have easily crashed and burned in LW: a continuation of another author's story, the infamous "February Sucks;" "Incompatible Needs pt.2" (which did even worse); and "Funeral Dirge for a Fairytale," which took an earlier story I'd written and completely inverted its ending by giving more than the brief snapshot of time the first story, "At the End of the Tour," showed, along with changing the POV to the cheating wife.

None of them were as highly rated as my earlier stuff. All of them are works I'm very proud of, and while their ratings aren't as high as some of my other stuff, the comments (other than the usual anon peanut gallery) were both more complimentary and more usefully critical where they were critical. The relative failure of "Incompatible Needs" ended up being a good thing for me, I feel. And, like I said, it did eventually find its audience, too.

Your "failure" is different. As we've talked about previously, you're a wonderful writer that just doesn't get the eyeballs you deserve because of the categories you post in. Yes, there are ways you could "market" differently; I tend to use kind of cryptic titles, too, because they're fun. But you're making good stuff, and it is finding an audience, especially here on AH.

Keep it up; both your chin and the work. I'm looking forward to reading more of it.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I haven't had any stories that I thought failed completely, in a way that I was totally crushed by, but the reception to "Incompatible Needs pt.1" was really disheartening. It's found its audience now, but there were so many things that made me unhappy with it.

I posted it in the wrong place, probably, and that was a strike against it. It was an experiment with heavily putting character development as part of the sex scenes as opposed to before or after, and people said they didn't like that. It still is pretty low-rated compared with the rest of my stuff, and it has lower views than anything else I've put in LW besides its sequel, "Kayfabe" (which I expected to do poorly due to content), and a story that I posted a little more than a month ago, compared to "Incompatible Needs'" four months.

It was the seventh story I posted to the site, which meant that it was the seventh story I'd written in literally over 25 years. The comments were brutal, even for LW; some of my usual biggest boosters there tore it to shreds. "You're not talented enough to write this yet," is the one that stuck in my mind. And it stuck there because it was true. Looking back, I'd do a bunch of things differently.

I had already decided, by that point, that I wanted to be someone who wrote in LW-- a notoriously critical category-- stories that were challenging to and difficult for the readers there: compassionate portrayals of cheating wives, dark stories about marriages failing due to problems on both sides, meditations on whether "forsaking all other" is the worst vow to break, horrible no-win situations, etc. An earlier story-- my first, actually-- "I Know My Wife," was poorly received, too, but I wrote that mostly as an attempt to play with the story structure of a very typical cheating wife story, and the criticism I received on it was mostly fair, because it was an oddball thing that not everyone was meant to "get."

The failure of "Incompatible Needs pt. 1" was my first real test of my resolve. I went and licked my wounds by writing a short romantic story ("Cultural Exchanges pt.1"), the first in a series-- that I swear, you guys, I will finish eventually-- then turning back around and doing three back-to-back items that could have easily crashed and burned in LW: a continuation of another author's story, the infamous "February Sucks;" "Incompatible Needs pt.2" (which did even worse); and "Funeral Dirge for a Fairytale," which took an earlier story I'd written and completely inverted its ending by giving more than the brief snapshot of time the first story, "At the End of the Tour," showed, along with changing the POV to the cheating wife.

None of them were as highly rated as my earlier stuff. All of them are works I'm very proud of, and while their ratings aren't as high as some of my other stuff, the comments (other than the usual anon peanut gallery) were both more complimentary and more usefully critical where they were critical. The relative failure of "Incompatible Needs" ended up being a good thing for me, I feel. And, like I said, it did eventually find its audience, too.

Your "failure" is different. As we've talked about previously, you're a wonderful writer that just doesn't get the eyeballs you deserve because of the categories you post in. Yes, there are ways you could "market" differently; I tend to use kind of cryptic titles, too, because they're fun. But you're making good stuff, and it is finding an audience, especially here on AH.

Keep it up; both your chin and the work. I'm looking forward to reading more of it.

Thank you. That’s very encouraging.

Em

 

[Djmac1031]

Had the same experience recently.

When I wrote The White Room 15 months ago, it did pretty well for a Sci Fi story. But still far lower views / ratings than, say, an incest story.

15 months later I finally published a sequel. Spent months on it, picking other authors brains on ideas and directions, editing and rewriting and editing again.

It got a semi decent initial response. Then basically dropped off the radar.

But I knew that would happen going in.

Most new readers aren't clicking a sequel. So basically the only ones reading it are those who read the first one and eventually find the sequel.

And as Simon points out, neither my title nor my story description were really designed to entice NEW readers.

So I've resigned myself to the idea that it's gonna be one of my personal favorites that is gonna have a very small audience as people stumble on it randomly.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I’ve written quite a bit of group, but it tends to have a BDSM and / or a fetish element and so has ended up there.

Em

Try pure group action with a strong build-up and an element of romance and see how that goes in GS.

For part 3 of HOT AND FUZZY the score and lack of comments were brutal to this week when normality was resumed. You’ll probably feel this way when you flip over to another category.

Trust me, the only time I’m wrong is when I’m incorrect.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Had the same experience recently.

When I wrote The White Room 15 months ago, it did pretty well for a Sci Fi story. But still far lower views / ratings than, say, an incest story.

15 months later I finally published a sequel. Spent months on it, picking other authors brains on ideas and directions, editing and rewriting and editing again.

It got a semi decent initial response. Then basically dropped off the radar.

But I knew that would happen going in.

Most new readers aren't clicking a sequel. So basically the only ones reading it are those who read the first one and eventually find the sequel.

And as Simon points out, neither my title nor my story description were really designed to entice NEW readers.

So I've resigned myself to the idea that it's gonna be one of my personal favorites that is gonna have a very small audience as people stumble on it randomly.

Both The White Room and its sequel are very highly rated, too. They're higher rated than anything I have out there. They work both as erotica AND as sci-fi, which isn't always the case. You SHOULD be proud of them.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Try pure group action with a strong build-up and an element of romance and see how that goes in GS.

For part 3 of HOT AND FUZZY the score and lack of comments were brutal to this week when normality was resumed. You’ll probably feel this way when you flip over to another category.

Trust me, the only time I’m wrong is when I’m incorrect.

So I’ve written wholly invented threesomes, but all my larger group sex scenes have been quasi-autobiographical. I guess I could strip the restraints out and see how it goes. Doesn’t feel like my thing though.

I’m not a plain vanilla girl.

Em

 

[Emilymcplugger]

So I’ve written wholly invented threesomes, but all my larger group sex scenes have been quasi-autobiographical. I guess I could strip the restraints out and see how it goes. Doesn’t feel like my thing though.

I’m not a plain vanilla girl.

Em

Yes. Having sex with multiple partners is plain and vanilla.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yes. Having sex with multiple partners is plain and vanilla.

Sorry. From my perspective obviously .

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don't think this feeling is solely related to writing; I'm experiencing it too. It seems like the seasonal change blues, which should pass in a couple of weeks.

Yeah. I just worked out an external (well internal) factor as well .

Em

 

[alohadave]

"You're not talented enough to write this yet,"

I have that same thought about several stories I'm working on ATM.

It's stalled me on working on them and finishing them.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I have that same thought about several stories I'm working on ATM.

It's stalled me on working on them and finishing them.

I'm in the same spot. I have four stories in my spreadsheet that I'm partway through flagged as "do this when you're better."

 

[alohadave]

Had the same experience recently.

When I wrote The White Room 15 months ago, it did pretty well for a Sci Fi story. But still far lower views / ratings than, say, an incest story.

15 months later I finally published a sequel. Spent months on it, picking other authors brains on ideas and directions, editing and rewriting and editing again.

It got a semi decent initial response. Then basically dropped off the radar.

But I knew that would happen going in.

Most new readers aren't clicking a sequel. So basically the only ones reading it are those who read the first one and eventually find the sequel.

And as Simon points out, neither my title nor my story description were really designed to entice NEW readers.

So I've resigned myself to the idea that it's gonna be one of my personal favorites that is gonna have a very small audience as people stumble on it randomly.

Sometimes the ones you love land with a dull, wet thud with readers, and the ones you whip out without much thought are fan favorites.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I know what you mean. I posted in Letter and a Transcripts and readers have been staying away in droves. I thought it was a cute story though.

 

[djrip]

I find myself feeling kind of this way often after posting something. Even if it does well, a few comments are anti-climactic after hours and weeks of pouring yourself into something. I mean I love the comments but they give about 5 seconds of rewarding brain chemicals each, and then you're sitting for 8 hours til the next one shows up.

I'm reading your story now and love it so far. My one read won't be a blip in the view stats; even if everyone in the AH read it the stats would barely move. But I for one value those kinds of views and favorites more highly than thousands of anons.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I find myself feeling kind of this way often after posting something. Even if it does well, a few comments are anti-climactic after hours and weeks of pouring yourself into something. I mean I love the comments but they give about 5 seconds of rewarding brain chemicals each, and then you're sitting for 8 hours til the next one shows up.

I'm reading your story now and love it so far. My one read won't be a blip in the view stats; even if everyone in the AH read it the stats would barely move. But I for one value those kinds of views and favorites more highly than thousands of anons.

Thanks, hun .

Em

 

[gunhilltrain]

So, worse things happen at sea (and in space). I’m not after sympathy, I have a boyfriend for hugs. But my question is this:

How do you pick yourself up after a massive writing disappointment? The idea of writing, writing anything is anathema right now. Why put myself though this? It can’t be worth it.

Any wise words would be welcome.

Em

Worse things at sea; like the Lusitania? I think you already have wise words above; just keep going. I have had some disappointments in five years. Sometimes a reader will tell me why. Sometimes I figure out that it just wasn't that good. Sometimes I'm completely baffled.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Sorry. From my perspective obviously .

Em

Do you mean all in the same time period, or one after another? (So called "serial monogamy.")

I'm too young (really!) to remember when it wasn't "plain vanilla," although I don't know if that term was even used in 1975. Certainly, without social media, everything moved at a much slower pace back then. My parents and grandparents certainly had a different view of it.

 

[neuroparenthetical]

I have a writer/editor brain and a smut-consuming brain. They happen to occupy the same skull for the moment, which is equal parts convenient and frustrating. So, too, is the fact that that skull happens to be mine.

As I am consistently of two minds on the subject of smut, it's only fitting that I have two separate approaches to dealing with being ignored and criticized.

The first approach is to recall my near-infinite contempt for the common man, go find a story that has tons of views and high ratings, and realize very quickly that that story is sloppily written and poorly edited compared to my own work.

The second approach is to find a story to masturbate to - which also has a pretty good chance of being sloppily written and/or edited compared to my own work - and, well... masturbate to it, because when I'm horny, I have only the one fuck to give, and guess who's getting it?

It's not for me to say whether the first approach accurately assesses reality. The two together, however, strike a balance regardless. It's ego and humility. It's two wildly different perspectives. It's a reminder that we're all dumb monkeys with captive narrators stitched on top of them, and that everything about our existence is either absurd, boring, or both. After that, what is there left to do but write if you want to write?