💔 Let's Talk... The End 💔

[PrettyLilPussy19]

No not butt stuff....

Rejection. Heartbreak. Splitting Ways.
I want to know how you handle it! I know it's a bummer but I think there are lessons we can learn from each other.

If you're the one getting dumped -

How do you want someone to tell you?
Do you understand or do you try to plead your case?
How do you recover? How long?
Can you stay friends with your ex?
Did you feel it coming?
How did it affect how you saw yourself?

If you're the dumper -

Is it easy for you or do you try to wait it out? Make it better?
How do you let someone down easy?
When did you know it was time?
Do you cease contact or try to stay friends?
Does breaking someone's heart change how you see yourself?


Clearly these things change depending on whether is "real" life or online - but what are your experiences?
What have you learned about yourself?

And most importantly - what's your ice cream flavor?

 

[ExiledWelshman]

Would it not be the dumper and the dumpee?

 

[ralf3456]

Hmm....been on the receiving end of being dumped: a few online and one recently.

Online stuff hit me hard, but angered me too. Bit of advice, if you are going to dump me, have the courage to tell me...NOT go quiet and disappear.

Getting dumped in RL, was actually easier. I got over it pretty quickly!

Anyways, in a better place so don't need ice cream...LOL

 

[BlondeNina]

I only had one serious relationship and I got dumped.

I want someone to tell me in person, face to face, somewhere where we're alone. Definitely not in a text message or somewhere full of people where I can't really react in any kind of way. Definitely not through someone else and definitely not through ghosting... I find ghosting people as cruel as it can get.

I never try to plead my case, I'm way too prideful for that. I don't react in front of that person, I accept the decision and try to get home as fast as I can while mantaining my serious face and composure, trying not to show emotions, DEFINITELY not cry. I can't stay friends with an ex. I didn't see it coming, he fell in love with another girl who was a longterm friend of his so it never hit me because he never really showed any change in his behavior, there were no clues for me to pick up on. Although that did bug me after, like what did I do wrong, what could I change, what were the things that I could have done better and so on. It was my first relationship of 3 years and it took me about a year to fully recover.

It affected me deeply, it was my first ever love and heartbreak. I guess it affected me because the relationship itself wasn't bad and up until that point, I always thought a relationship needs to reach its worse phase before falling apart. Like I always thought we'd stop having sex/argue all the time before we break up. We actually took a vacation and it was very much lovey dovey a week before the break up so that part confused me the most. The fact that I was convinced that our relationship was a good one and it came to an abrupt end. That's all from me.

My flavor is chocolate and I take KitKats and kinda eat that with ice cream lol.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

-How do you want someone to tell you?

Just be straight forward and sensitive. I try to respond well to honesty. But I don't respond well to what I think are probably games and bullshit. Just be real. But don't be cruel. You're not getting some upper hand by hurting me.

-Do you understand or do you try to plead your case?

Ideally I'll say "fine. Just go". And move on with my life,

-How do you recover? How long?

Different every time. The last major break up took nearly a year to get over.

-Can you stay friends with your ex?

To an extent, yes. One thing I've learned is that you can care from a distance.

-Did you feel it coming?

Each time was different. The last major one I kind of did. But she seemed to have waited for the worst possible time to do it.

-How did it affect how you saw yourself?

I ran the full spectrum. I hated myself for a period and basically wanted to die. Then I realized it transformed me and made me stronger.

 

[Eisranac]

Honesty is usually the best policy on both sides.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I get mad, talk my shit to them and move on. If they leave me alone, I'll leave them alone, but if they put shit out there, then I am going to say my piece

 

[ydahecnot]

I would use Ralf’s sig women to get over a breakup

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I’d so grab sunny and beg him to shower me with his sunspots.

 

[ydahecnot]

Sunspot baby, you sure had me outguessed...

 

[Nevyn_Black]

I definitely prefer that someone be honest with me. Brutally so. There are too many people who will try to be nice, because they don't want to be seen as the bad person.

I've never done the dumping to be honest. I would like to hope that I would have the courage to be honest and up front and face the consequences.

 

[hotwords229_A]

And most importantly - what's your ice cream flavor?

If you're the one getting dumped -

How do you want someone to tell you?

Hopefully we've been honest with each other all along, so I probably felt it coming.
On the other hand, if she hired a skywriter to write "I hate you" in the sky I would have a hard time hating her back.

Do you understand or do you try to plead your case?

Neither, but, in time, I will accept it as fact.

How do you recover? How long?

That depends on how in love we were (or I was). I never fully recover.

Can you stay friends with your ex?

Probably not. I would keep telling myself she looks hotter now and I'd want to see her naked again.

Did you feel it coming?

I'm relatively intuitive.

How did it affect how you saw yourself?

Okay, this is where I seem to be different from other people. When someone points out a negative about me, I don't go right into denial and defense, but I consider that they MAY be correct in what they're saying about me and maybe I can use that info to become better. But if they're wrong (and I'll decide if they are) then that's how they feel--what are you going to do?
(I'm not human ) I don't typically get emotional about criticism.

If you're the dumper -

Is it easy for you or do you try to wait it out? Make it better?

It's a miserable experience. I prefer to be the dumped rather than the dumper.

How do you let someone down easy?

Impossible. You just have to be honest, but gentle and then get ready to duck.

When did you know it was time?

There's a moment when my brain clicks and it just becomes obvious.

Do you cease contact or try to stay friends?

I'm out. I think it's easier for everyone that way.

Does breaking someone's heart change how you see yourself?

I don't know if I've ever broken someone's heart--I think I have. I don't think it changed me, I tried to be as nice about it as I could be and that's really all I could do.

what's your ice cream flavor

Vanilla, The King of All Ice Cream

 

[JugheadJane]

As the dumpee: I may be one of the few people who don’t mind being ghosted. Sure, a warning would be nice, but if you’re truly not feeling it then just go. I’ll take the hint.

As the dumper: I always give an explanation as to why it’s ending and hope for the best.

 

[Jada59]

I'm always honest but based on past experience, it usually just doesn't work. They will cling to me and beg me to stay with them. This will lead me to eventually having to totally ignore them, be rude, or even have a male friend take the phone when they call me once again and tell them to leave me alone. That part usually works. Heh.

If someone were to dump me, I would appreciate honesty as well. All they'd have to say is something like that it just isn't working for them. And then I would wish them well. I want people to be happy. If they're not happy with me, then they should find someone that they can be happy with. No heartbreak. Just good feelings all around.

Sadly, most people do not seem to think this way. They seem to want drama. Ick.

 

[DarkSimian]

When I was younger, as the dumpee, it involved a lot of Jim Croce, Journey and rum.

 

[Apisto42]

No not butt stuff....

Why not? Got issues with that? I like butts. I cannot lie...

If you're the one getting dumped -

Never been dumped from an actual relationship. I’ve known people online who I no longer talk to, but it has always been just a drifting apart.

If you're the dumper-

Is it easy for you or do you try to wait it out? Make it better?
How do you let someone down easy?
When did you know it was time?
Do you cease contact or try to stay friends?
Does breaking someone's heart change how you see yourself?

it’s easy I suppose. But I intentionally did not cultivate deep relationships with girls until I met my wife. Always knew that I was not staying in one place and all the girls I met in college were not planning on leaving the area.

Usually just said something along the lines of “this isn’t working for me anymore.” I did not stay friends, though there was often the occasional hook up later on.

On the “breaking of hearts” - there was only one I think, but it was better for both of us to move on. Why stay when only one person is feeling it? It did not change me, though I was more careful afterwards to not be as, loving? in future liaisons.

And most importantly - what's your ice cream flavor?

Vanilla. A good vanilla is hard to beat.

 

[BadAmy]

I've been dumped. Two ways. One, where I was expecting it, and I accepted it graciously, although at the time it was sad to experience but I put my big girl pants on and moved on.
The other dumping was unexpected. Where I didn't think there was a problem, but apparently there was. So I worked through it like grief. Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
This type of loss made me realize if I mattered enough to them, a discussion or several discussions would have occurred between us to reach the conclusion of separating...and I wouldn't have been surprised.

Either way. If someone doesn't want me, and they tell me so, I have no choice but to accept it.
______

Have I dumped someone?
Yes. And I have had valid reasons, obviously.
But it is the pain inflicted on them, caused by my decision that is the worst part of it.
I hate hurting someone.
And that can delay the inevitable sometimes. But I eventually own up to reality.

My favorite ice cream is
Actually..vanilla.

 

[Sexybritches69]

I’ve been dumped—although it was more like just forgotten about. Dumped would at least be something. But what hurts the most to me is just that cold shoulder. In each case, it was for the best, but at the time I didn’t realize that. It was cruel the way it was handled. At least say goodbye.

I’ve been the one ending things before and that’s very difficult too, but being respectful and clear is so important.

 

[HBergeron]

No not butt stuff....

Rejection. Heartbreak. Splitting Ways.
I want to know how you handle it! I know it's a bummer but I think there are lessons we can learn from each other.

If you're the one getting dumped -

How do you want someone to tell you?
Do you understand or do you try to plead your case?
How do you recover? How long?
Can you stay friends with your ex?
Did you feel it coming?
How did it affect how you saw yourself?

If you're the dumper -

Is it easy for you or do you try to wait it out? Make it better?
How do you let someone down easy?
When did you know it was time?
Do you cease contact or try to stay friends?
Does breaking someone's heart change how you see yourself?


Clearly these things change depending on whether is "real" life or online - but what are your experiences?
What have you learned about yourself?

And most importantly - what's your ice cream flavor?

Like Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say "You sure ask a lot of questions..."

At times, I've been both.

Being dumped - saw it coming - the attitude shift, the growing indifference to me - in cases like that, I learned to dump first. If it's not 'You & Me' anymore, it becomes just 'Me' again.

In my younger days, I would just wait for the end to come by not paying much attention back, and I have never, and never will 'plead my case' - if it's gotten to that point, it's too damaged to fix, and being taken back leaves you on uneven footing. I have never been able to continue loving someone who doesn't love me back. It's part of the deal, part of my thinking.

As far as dumping, it's much harder and more gut wrenching and guilt inducing. I've handled it as nicely as possible, but you're letting someone know that whatever future you contemplated building together is now on the scrap heap.

I have learned that I an extremely good and happy on my own, and have no interest in any future pair bonding. FWB's is my rule now.

I've stayed friends several times, and never wanted to see her again in others.

I'm not going to go into my thoughts about online romantic, 'you and me forever love'. Last time I did that, people went fucking crazy.

 

[AlwaysFara]

No not butt stuff....

Rejection. Heartbreak. Splitting Ways.
I want to know how you handle it! I know it's a bummer but I think there are lessons we can learn from each other.

If you're the one getting dumped -

How do you want someone to tell you?
Do you understand or do you try to plead your case?
How do you recover? How long?
Can you stay friends with your ex?
Did you feel it coming?
How did it affect how you saw yourself?

If you're the dumper -

Is it easy for you or do you try to wait it out? Make it better?
How do you let someone down easy?
When did you know it was time?
Do you cease contact or try to stay friends?
Does breaking someone's heart change how you see yourself?


Clearly these things change depending on whether is "real" life or online - but what are your experiences?
What have you learned about yourself?

And most importantly - what's your ice cream flavor?

Butter pecan. That’s the easy answer.

Much different for me online.
I’ve been dumped once in RL, but also dumped him back. Since it was my ex hubs, and father of my kids, I’m still getting over it in some ways.
If I dumped a guy in RL, I usually waited until I had another BF. Sad, but true. I was in my late teens, so sue me.

Online? I was dumped once by someone I cared about. No... Maybe twice. Both times, I saw it coming. They actually left online. So. It’s not like they move down on. They moved “out”. That gave me solace. Seeing someone I care about with someone else online would suck.
I’m a jealous bitch.

I was ghosted once or twice, or stuff just faded. I don’t worry about that. The fade. If I wanted to be their friend, things usually wouldn’t fade. Ghosting? Cowards. Who needs them?
I’m still friends with most of my exes. Online and RL. I’m a keeper.

As far as online... I set limits. If I feel it’s getting too much, or not enough, I usually tell them. Then I stick to it. I don’t drunk text. I don’t keep on.
I don’t expect that from him, either.
And just because you don’t have closure? That’s not my problem. If I explained myself, that’s all I need to do. I’m clear. I know how to use my words.

Now I’m with someone I met online in tangible life.
If he dumps me I will be a mess. I will be lost.
So.

Hopefully this is my last answer to a question like this.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Oh, and you know it’s over when the pet names stop.
The biggest tell.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

.....

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Well hello old friend!!
Here's another breakup question!

Mentally getting over someone -

How do you do it? How long does it take? Are you able to remain friendly or is space essential?

When reminders of someone pop up - do you indulge or do you squash that nostalgia?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hiya PLP

I have a love/hate relationship with this subject

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Hiya PLP

I have a love/hate relationship with this subject

Me too.
But that means you've thought a great deal about it and probably have some wisdom.