Preference for sluts

[PullnPray]

I would suggest holding off summary conclusions. Things are turning out to be very, very complicated.

Science is always open to revision, but what I presented is the current prevailing view from evolutionary psychology based on a massive body of scientific research. I didn't say that females are naturally monogamous, just decidedly more selective. Scientists continue to debate the details of mating strategies, but the notion that males are naturally less selective than females when looking for short-term mates is not a controversial position.

 

[WishItsTrue_TG]

Glad to met you, PullnPray. I think you're 100% right that males are less selective, and I think the reasons are as you state. But I think the current thinking is shifting in the direction of the new research.
Otherwise, I think you using an evolutionary perspective is the wisest approach. Mix in a little cultural anthropology and some sociology, and you got a complete picture. Not to mention a topic that hard to keep pace with.

When they say there's an information explosion going on, they ain't kiddin' There are a lot more researchers in the fields, and new findings are pouring in at a break neck pace. Things are exploding all over the place, and it's hard to keep up with the latest positions taken. There's a synergy going on as different disciplines collaborate that's producing a swamp of new stuff, and it's producing a whole greater than the old parts. The first thing that comes to mind are archeologists using ground penetrating radar to quickly locate and excavate new sites at a breakneck pace. Or botanist consulting with laptops to analyze pollen samples and give archeologist better understanding of early living conditions. This is producing more solidly and accurately informed conclusions than previously possible. I mean, how long was it believed than Neanderthals had a diet of exclusively meat, while new analysis of proteins have shown the protein are derived from plant source.

I only check in on what's happening with paleontology once a year. Otherwise you get blinded and confused over all the dust-ups swirling around the latest discoveries. I only check up once in awhile to see what the latest conclusions have survived the controversies.

 

[policywank]

When it comes to traits evolved through natural selection, procreation is all that matters.


My definition of a slut is a woman whose promiscuous mating patterns defy Darwinian explanation. But not all female promiscuity defies Darwinian explanation. A woman who discretely has regular sex with two different men, both of them 10s, is not a slut by my definition. Likewise for a woman who is in a "committed" relationship with a 6, but regularly cheats on him with 10s. However, a woman who is in a committed sexual relationship with a 10, but regularly cheats on him with 6s, does meet the definition. This type of behavior is very rare in females, and from a Darwinian perspective, it defies explanation. For men, however, this kind of behavior makes perfect sense. An evolutionary psychologist can explain why Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with an ugly female prostitute. An evolutionary psychologist could NOT explain Elizabeth Hurley cheating on Hugh Grant with an ugly male prostitute (nor could he explain the existence of ugly male prostitutes).

Granted, my definition of a "slut" is pretty narrow and is inconsistent with how the word is commonly used. I've only met a handful of women in my life who fit the definition. Also, just because something is "natural" that doesn't mean it is moral, or vice versa.

To the extent that evolutionary psychology or Darwinian explanations are the basis for a given point of view that point of view is relying upon the totality of how women have reacted to the environment in which they have existed over many generations. It is not a stretch to say that throughout recorded history one of the most important factors in women's environment is the desire not to be stoned to death by jealous, insecure and narrow-minded men.

There are lots of species where the females are very promiscuous. Evolutionary science usually explains this behaviour as being conducive to procreation in the same way that they explain monogamy or the selection of 10s for the same reason in humans. Surely there are many differences between species and I am not qualified to analyze them all. However, I am quite certain that one of the key differences between those species and humans is that those species do not take the female's promiscuity as a reason to kill them. That alone is such a deep visceral driver that you can't reasonably separate it from an analysis of human existence and sexual behaviour.

 

[policywank]

sluts

The scientific approach explains broad societal trends. I am not arguing against that - most women are not "sluts". However, to be clear I am not arguing that being a slut is the "right" or "natural" way to be only that we exist and don't fit into the easy definitions I have found.

I would be curious to have an understanding of the relationship between "sluttiness" and power both in terms of motivation and acceptance. Napoleon's lover Josephine was known to be licentious (i.e. a slut). Elizabeth Taylor was a tramp who thought nothing of destroying a marriage to get laid. These women may have been outliers but it is hard to deny that eliminating the oppressive role of men in their lives may have been a factor.

Anna Karenina though fictional was a masterpiece that depicted the attitudes of the day - she was shamed and so was her husband, but not her lover. You can't discuss evolution without considering physical male dominance as an omnipresent factor.

 

[NestleSnipes]

I always find this problem interesting. I was trained in math and philosophy, where you could say "In this context, the word "slut1" means "someone who is sexually liberated", while "slut2" means "someone who is carelessly promiscuous"." And from then on, the discussion was clear, and in theory, no personal connotations or emotional responses would intrude upon further uses of those terms. I miss those days.

I have read some persons who want to make the term their own, proudly rallying behind the banner of "ethical sluthood". Yet in stories here I have also found it very common for "slut" to be used in an attempt to degrade a girl/women in a non-consent story. "Sexually Liberated Person" is cumbersome; would SLiP be better? Eh, who cares at the end of the day.

To go back to the original question, I have only had monogamous relationships heretofore, though I have recently opened up to my girlfriend of several years about my desire to try non-monogamy or at least some form of open relationship, sex friends or friends with benefits. She is less than thrilled, as she is monogamous through and through it seems. But it has made me wonder whether I would want to be with someone who did have other (current) partners. I would not mind a sexually experienced woman, provided she had been safe and not acquired diseases (which, will not a deal-breaker, do complicate things); I just hope she would not count my own limited experience against me. I have never really had the opportunity to discover whether I am the jealous or frubbly/"compersive". I hope I would be the latter.

Well said.

As indicated by my signature, I can appreciate those who want to make the term their own and rally behind the banner of "ethical sluthood." Dossie Easton wrote a good book on the subject and how women can transform the power from the word and develop it into something worth taking pride in. I understand what has led us to society's opinion of a "slut", but it's exciting to know that the opinion of sluthood, sexual freedom, non-monogomy, open relationships, hot wives, etc is changing and it's proponent's are growing exponentially.

This has developed into a terrific, thought-provoking thread with a ton of good information and opinion. It's a wonder why this kind of topic doesn't come up more often or is a bit more popular seeing the type of people who regular these forums.I'm hoping the topic continues.

 

[WishItsTrue_TG]

Great threads here.

The threads here have been thought provoking and good. And no one is tearing into anyone else on a personal basis. Credit given where due. Great thread. I posted a political comment for the first time on the main board yesterday, and decided that was the last time I would do that. I was surrounded by the wacko squad within seconds. What a difference between that and this.

Women have a personal interest in survival in successfully navigating culturally imposed norms. Except the mention of being strangled or other forms of unpleasantness from a cheated spouse, no one has mentioned the personal politics of women in shaping the cultural view of sluts and good girls.

There's a economic issue tied up in societal attitudes about this issue, and how money is transferred from generation to generation by "righteous women." If women can be held to a given cultural norm, money can flow in culturally predictable ways by inheritance rules, dowries, political alliances. The attitude about good girls and sluts has money tied behind it. I'm thinking of the women burned as witches during the Inquisition, which is slightly off topic, but it did involve "good women" compared to "bad women." I've forgotten the exact numbers, but 90% of the burned witches were wealthy widows who's property was used to pay the Inquisitors salary.

I'm giving up. Just too big a topic with too many facets. It was a nice chance to use a few brain cells, tho.

Good job, guys

 

[policywank]

slut

Not I, I married the "slutty" hot chick who then got a sudden attack of morals. It happened to me all of the years I dated as well. I'm a man, I enjoy sex, so naturally I was attracted to the "liberated" girls and women I met. I'm not sure if it was social pressure or whatever, but things were fine for a while and then the "dirty" things became off limits and the longer the relationship the fewer things were acceptable. It's bizarre, one day you're coming home from work to find her half-naked and soaking wet. She attacks you like a mad-woman, unzips you and sucks you off and then fucks your brains out. Then a few weeks later, a request for a blow-job, while you're licking her into her third orgasm, is an issue now and she's never "felt comfortable" doing it and has always hated it. Throw in something about morals and right and wrong, although they have zero issues with you going down on them, and it's a, "Wait. WTF just happened moment. "

Sorry to hear your "slut" experience hasn't worked out.

I have been rambling on about the male impact on reducing our freedom to be sluts, but it often goes the other way. In modern society some women feel a degree of pressure to be sluts. Whether it is pop culture or a misguided belief that spreading her legs will get a man - it will but only for about 20 minutes. In this circumstance she understandably has a degree of mixed emotions. Perhaps before you met her the anxiety of being alone and the excitement of receiving attention were the primary drivers. When she is in a "secure" relationship the more dominant feelings might be of shame or regret.

One would hope that by stripping away the manipulative external influences she might be able to get in touch with her true sexuality, whatever that is. However, if she was previously prone to undue outside influenced there is no reason to believe her susceptibility has changed - just the forces are different now. Alternatively, lots of women only get as far as deciding what we don't want to be, not what we want to be.

It's quite natural for her to want to move beyond sluttiness if that was never really her attitude or simply because she is in another life stage. It's quite another to repudiate adventurous sex with her life partner. That suggest a lack of personal comfort with her own sexuality and an unhealthy need to repudiate her former self.

If you want to get anywhere, make sure she sees you as completely accepting. Don't be the guy who wants her to keep being slutty for your own selfish purpose. That makes you part of what she wants to put behind her.

 

[knottygirl]

I've learned over the years that men have conflicted attitudes towards slutty girls. Part of them loves them and part of them hates them. Thankfully, the part of a man that loves slutty girls is the same part of a man that we are most interested in. So it works out rather well.

for some of them, the pejorative connotation is part of what makes it so hot.

Put me in this camp. I very much support the traditional notion that a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls is a stud and a girl who fucks a lot of guys is a filthy dirty cum dumpster. I oppose those who oppose this blatant double standard. Please don't take away my scarlet letter! When you take away the taboo, you take away some of the fun.

Also, to the extent that female reluctance to have no strings sex is caused by social pressure, then successfully destigmatizing female promiscuity would alter the marketplace for casual sex in a way that is not positive for present day sluts. Right now, it is a buyer's market for gals who like to go cock hunting.

Don't take this post too serious. I'm on Ambien.

 

[Mropietaylor69]

I am a non discriminator. I think sluts or not need to cum. Hey so do I, it works out great!!!

 

[policywank]

I've learned over the years that men have conflicted attitudes towards slutty girls. Part of them loves them and part of them hates them. Thankfully, the part of a man that loves slutty girls is the same part of a man that we are most interested in. So it works out rather well.



Put me in this camp. I very much support the traditional notion that a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls is a stud and a girl who fucks a lot of guys is a filthy dirty cum dumpster. I oppose those who oppose this blatant double standard. Please don't take away my scarlet letter! When you take away the taboo, you take away some of the fun.

Also, to the extent that female reluctance to have no strings sex is caused by social pressure, then successfully destigmatizing female promiscuity would alter the marketplace for casual sex in a way that is not positive for present day sluts. Right now, it is a buyer's market for gals who like to go cock hunting.

Don't take this post too serious. I'm on Ambien.

I agree knotty. I enjoy the benefits of a buyer's market - just trying to figure out who is a buyer and who is a window shopper.

 

[policywank]

sluts

here's to sluts and the men who like us

 

[Blase]

here's to sluts and the men who like us

Cheers!

Raising my glass to you...

 

[policywank]

thank you

 

[luv2cnips]

I enjoy seeing women that are sexual, it harkens back to that "confidence is sexy" thing.

 

[EdTungsten]

The definition aside - I simply prefer a sex positive woman, who enjoys multiple partners and has no intention of changing her lifestyle.

 

[policywank]

The definition aside - I simply prefer a sex positive woman, who enjoys multiple partners and has no intention of changing her lifestyle.

Good to hear Ed. As you highlight in your profile, it is very hard to find good men who accept slutty women. The more macho they are, the more insecure they are and that is very unattractive. It also makes for bad sex. I don't care how much of a stud a guy is if he is afraid to be around other naked men or too prudish to focus on what I enjoy instead of what he wants me to enjoy.

That is at least partly why I am not fond of the "bull" concept. The ones I have encountered are just over bearing assholes who think a big dick is all it takes (and often not so big at that). I much prefer an open-minded, secure and gentle man…..or maybe a little rough but only because we both like it that way, not because he is feeding his ego by mistreating me or hubby.

 

[tkinsc]

I love that my wife is a “slut”. I’m not sure if anything she has done makes her a “slut”, but she like consider herself one. Her number is higher than mine, and higher than average, but numbers are just numbers. She is willing to do almost anything in bed, and I don’t think she is freaked out over any kink or fetish. She has tried things she probably doesn’t enjoy, just to be pleasing.

There are two things I like about my “slut”. First is her sexual confidence. Sexually, she knows what she wants and how to get it. Nothing quiet as exciting as seeing a woman going after, and getting, what they want sexually. This confidence can lead to plenty of experimenting, and fun.

The second thing I like about my “slut” is that she knows I’m the best. She has been with others, and had some wild experiences, but she knows I’m the best she will ever have.

 

[policywank]

I love that my wife is a “slut”. I’m not sure if anything she has done makes her a “slut”, but she like consider herself one. Her number is higher than mine, and higher than average, but numbers are just numbers. She is willing to do almost anything in bed, and I don’t think she is freaked out over any kink or fetish. She has tried things she probably doesn’t enjoy, just to be pleasing.

There are two things I like about my “slut”. First is her sexual confidence. Sexually, she knows what she wants and how to get it. Nothing quiet as exciting as seeing a woman going after, and getting, what they want sexually. This confidence can lead to plenty of experimenting, and fun.

The second thing I like about my “slut” is that she knows I’m the best. She has been with others, and had some wild experiences, but she knows I’m the best she will ever have.

Does she still play with others?

I caution against the notion that you are the best. It may well be true, but it isn't a binary thing.

For me sex is like food. I may be in the mood for filet mignon today and salmon bisque tomorrow. Neither is always or by definition the best. I am sure that if I had to choose one meal for the rest of my life I could do so, however I couldn't say with certainty that dish is magnitudes better than all the others. And even if it was I would get a bit tired of it and there would come a day when I wanted something else very badly.

I am in an open relationship. I don't think it could work for us if I was escaping bad sex at home - he is a wonderful lover and definitely my favourite dish if I can only have one for the rest of my life. However, if he needed me to say that he was always the best in every circumstance that would be tantamount to needing me to lie to him.

 

[Xojlene2015xo]

Guess I'm in the sex loving slut. I enjoy pleasing n having fun with man n lovely ladies.

 

[greystardust]

Some men explicitly prefer sluts. I have heard various reasons but I am curious if any men here feel that way and if so why?

When I say slut I mean someone like me who has sex with multiple partners. That doesn't imply being stupid and careless and spreading my legs for anyone who asks. I am liberated, in control of my own body and conscious of my own safety and well being. I just happen to like having multiple lovers.

....enjoy the thrill of a new body
....enjoy letting go, in the pursuit of pleasure
....weigh it up, and if it's physically safe, dive right in...?
yes, yes, yes

the definition of a slut.

well I've been accused, called, judged - so what, embrace it and enjoy

i kind of like that word anyway - no negative connotations

 

[policywank]

Reading your profile, I'm not sure "slut" is appropriate, rather "sexually adventuresome" might fit better. I realize some may call that "slutty", but you seem in "control". Just my opinion!!

Yes I am in control. However, I have never thought of being as slutty as not being in control.

 

[readinggp]

I agree, I don't see anything wrong with women who enjoy sex with multiple others. I don't agree with the double standard of men beings studs and women called sluts when either have multiple partners. Just like anything in life, everyone is different, and some are better at some things than others, including sex, so why limit yourself to not finding about whatever skills may be out there.

Plus, women like this are typically very confident, dress great, experienced in bed, open to new ideas.

My fantasy includes cuckolding and having a hot wife, part of fun foreplay for me is hearing previous adventures my wife had before me. Although she hadn't slept with many , she had fooled around a few times before and it's always hot to hear those details. Too bad she's not open to increasing her numbers.

 

[IntmtStrngr]

Damn!

Some men explicitly prefer sluts. I have heard various reasons but I am curious if any men here feel that way and if so why?

When I say slut I mean someone like me who has sex with multiple partners. That doesn't imply being stupid and careless and spreading my legs for anyone who asks. I am liberated, in control of my own body and conscious of my own safety and well being. I just happen to like having multiple lovers.

The most crucial years of my life are gone----AND NOW I FIND YOU!
(man,,, the story of my life,)

 

[policywank]

The most crucial years of my life are gone----AND NOW I FIND YOU!
(man,,, the story of my life,)

oh well, you take life as it cums

 

[sterculius]

Ever since I was a teenager I have both admired and envied sluts. I admired their willingness to have sex often to satisfy their own urges, and I envied the unlimited opportunities they had just because they were girls. I wished that I could have been a slut.